Ashes Still Bloom

Grief changes more than your heart. It changes how you see the world. In this episode, I share some of the unexpected ways loss has reshaped the way I live—from valuing ordinary moments to loving people more intentionally and learning not to take tomorrow for granted. “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” — Psalm 90:12 If loss has changed the way you see life… this epi...

September 17, 2014, is the day my life split into before and after. In this episode, I share what happened the day my brother died—what I saw, what I felt, and the moment everything changed. This is not just the story of loss. It’s the story of the moment that reshaped everything I believed about life, faith, and survival. If you’ve ever lived through a moment that divided your life in two… this i...

Sometimes grief returns in the moments you least expect. A song. A smell. A date. A random memory. In this episode, I talk about the unexpected triggers that can suddenly bring grief rushing back—and why those moments do not mean you’re failing at healing. This is about learning how to survive the waves of grief when they return… and understanding that love still echoes in ordinary moments. “The L...

One of the strangest parts of grief is realizing you can still feel joy again. And sometimes… that can make you feel guilty. In this episode, I talk about the tension of carrying grief while slowly beginning to experience moments of light again—and why healing does not dishonor the people we love. “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” — Psalm 30:5 “There is a time to we...

Grief can bring emotions to the surface that many people are afraid to admit out loud. Including anger at God. In this episode, I talk about the tension of loving God while still struggling with what He allowed… and why honest faith is not the absence of questions, pain, or disappointment. This is about bringing your real emotions to God instead of hiding them from Him. “How long, Lord? Will you f...

One of the loneliest parts of grief is realizing not everyone will understand it. In this episode, I talk about the isolation that can come when the people around you move on, say the wrong things, or don’t fully understand the weight of what you’re carrying. This is about learning how to live with that tension… and finding comfort in the God who stays close to the brokenhearted. “The Lord is clos...

Grief isn’t just heavy… it’s exhausting. In this episode, I talk about the kind of tired that comes from carrying loss—when you don’t feel strong, don’t have the words, and don’t know how to keep going. This is about what it looks like to come to God exactly as you are… even when all you feel is worn down. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28...

After loss, you’re not thinking about rebuilding your life… you’re thinking about how to get through the day. In this episode, I share the small things that helped me keep going—the quiet, everyday moments that didn’t look like much, but made all the difference. This isn’t about big breakthroughs. It’s about survival… and learning that sometimes, getting through the day is enough. If everything fe...

Loss doesn’t just take what you had… it changes who you are. In this episode, I talk about what it means to live in that change—the quiet realization that you don’t go back to who you were, and the process of learning who you are now. This is the part of grief that isn’t always visible. The shift in how you think, how you feel, and how you move through the world. If you’ve ever wondered if you’ll...

What happens when your faith doesn’t feel like enough? In this episode, I talk about the tension between what we believe and what we experience—especially when loss and pain don’t line up with the faith we thought would protect us. This isn’t about easy answers. It’s about honest faith—the kind that wrestles, questions, and stays… even when nothing makes sense. If you’ve ever found yourself wonder...

After the moment everything changes… life doesn’t stop. In this episode, I talk about what it means to live in the after—the quiet, disorienting space where the world keeps moving, but nothing inside you feels the same. This is the part no one really prepares you for. If you’ve ever felt like you’re trying to exist in a life that no longer feels like yours… you’re not alone here.

I used to believe that if I did everything right, my life would be protected. But that’s not what happened. In this first episode of Ashes Still Bloom, I share the belief that quietly shaped my faith—and what began to unravel when my brother died suddenly. This is a space for the people learning how to live again after everything falls apart. If you’ve ever felt like your faith didn’t shield you t...

Welcome to Ashes Still Bloom with CJ Rae – Held in the Ruins. This is a space for grief, faith, and rebuilding a life you didn’t choose. If you’ve ever wondered how to keep going after everything falls apart… You’re not alone here. Full episodes coming soon.