That Checks Out

The guys discuss how the decision of “soup or salad” will always set the tone for sexy time that night, when getting the mail absolutely becomes your most death defying daily experience, and why having a quality alarm on your kayak can prevent a permanent nap when mountain climbing. 

The guys discuss how a monkey with money is never hungry or horny, when a wedgie eliminates neck pain. and why an exploding nana leads to military dominance. 

The guys discuss how the best way to determine a man’s wealth is by the direction of his zeros, when 5 stars and a shart guarantee crispy southwest egg rolls, and why you can never pack too much animal genitalia for transcontinental flights. 

The guys discuss why sharing a scoop of cottage cheese and half a tomato guarantees you’ll be at every PTA meeting, when kicking over a stroller will save you from being scammed, and how broken buttons are the leading cause of infidelity in Texas. 

The guys discuss how Jamaican enchiladas guarantee a successful marriage, when scoring 200 points during a robbery will only make the dog laugh at you, and why even the thrill of peppermint cannot save Damon and his self-proclaimed adequacy. 

The guys discuss how sultry train videos can be an acceptable substitute to funky minge, when arson can be considered foreplay, and why launching dipping sauces into space is about to become an acceptable normality. 

The guys discuss why it is so crucial to clock out prior to any workplace scuffle, when a chance meeting in Costa Rica instantly becomes deadly, and how Damon’s probably not a whale but definitely a mutant. 

The guys discuss how a very lucrative Ponzi scheme can easily be formed by just clearing out your unwanted organs, when homemade currency and/or ID card should immediately raise suspicion, and why you should never buy your weed from Tyler. 

The guys discuss why an overly generous employer makes going home nearly impossible, when hearing "just don't get it in his eyes" initiates a prayer for pepper spray, and how pork-filled sky scrapers will inadvertently regulate the price of a cup of coffee.

The guys discuss how being inquisitive about the location of a butthole can coax any teenager out of their room, when LOCATION is the single most important factor for proper interpretation of a cleverly titled 50K race, and why teaching a beaver to pull a rip cord is imperative when re-wilding Idaho’s wilderness.

The guys discuss how one man’s hatred of chivalry led to a revolving entrance, when it is no longer necessary to return a borrowed snorkel, and why the time of day should absolutely dictate the value of material items. 

The guys discuss how Debra’s herpes comparatively have little effect on you getting your McNuggets, when stovetop flatulence needs to be addressed in your dating video, and why you should never exit your vehicle on the overpass to intervene in an abduction. 

The guys discuss why the best way to avoid eating dry cereal is to get yourself two VR headsets, when curbside vending truly defines the wealth of a rural community, and how a total unwillingness to pay the pizza delivery girl almost always results in death. 

The guys discuss how a birthday celebration where the pig skins were completely irrelevant lead to them "banging", when an extremely strong orifice and an ill-advised lift ends a first date with an ER visit and broken fingers, and why there is no breathalyzer needed once you see the aviators and Barbie Jeep.

The guys discuss how Google Maps grossly overstates the availability of commercial air travel, when a strategically placed bagel and raincoat automatically grants you additional vacation time, and why a coworker hugging a printer all but guarantees the demise of an entire room full of puppies. 

The guys discuss how late fees will still accrue even after grandma has passed, when a missing chair unlocks supernatural abilities in the realm of seating arrangements, and why Damon will never be kicked out of any public pools.

The guys discuss how “anywhere” has an approximate range of thirty feet, when sleepwalking in the proximity of a Puracchio could result in bodily injury or maybe even death, and why you cannot acquire 2600 liters from one single milking session.

The guys discuss why once a discount is initiated on a used cot it is no longer necessary to disclose the terms of the prison sentence, when a burka and Air Jordans almost always guarantee a disqualification, and how science supports a very high percentage of sleeping koalas are extremely horny. 

The guys discuss how it costs Google $12,000 per wang on their maps, when the proper location of a Brazilian break room can foil any escape attempt, and why it’s a terrible idea to give monkeys the high ground. 

The guys discuss why it’s imperative you wait for the train to stop completely  before disembarking to prevent a tiger mauling, when allowing your husband to pack your parachute is an awful idea, and how an expression of praise to acknowledge good behavior or obedience might get you punched in the face. 

The guys discuss how many meters of pizza guarantee no dessert, when a bowl of ice cream might result in a broken hand, and why you should never hold your dad’s hand on the 4th of July. 

The guys discuss how a paternity test was almost needed at Catfish Daaaaaayyyyyyzzzz, when only one breast is permitted at a Kentucky water park, and why being unaware AND stupid is far more lucrative than 34 years of wrongful imprisonment. 

The guys discuss how one Japanese sticker can initiate a roundabout on any given roadway, when a dog’s brick is worse than his bite, and why a 3:00 A.M. bathroom break could lead to a felony if not executed chronologically.