Two Assholes and a Mic

Send us Fan Mail In S2E42 , we kick things off with Robby doom scrolling One Piece and GTA videos while Ian talks through house plans, office garage dreams, fire pits, fans for the kids’ rooms, and eventually getting AC installed. From there, Slinky’s cone-head chaos takes over, along with dog feeding routines, Roxy stealing leftovers, giant cow bones, Starlink problems, and Riverside turning Robb...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E41 , we bring John back on and immediately get into retired “love me walls,” coins, shadow boxes, Robby definitely not smoking tobacco in Oregon, Jessie chewing rocks, and whether certain people looked like they grew up eating limestone. From there, we talk big-head headset problems, carbonated “water,” Robby getting caught at the bar when he was supposed to be recording wit...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E40 , we start with Ian trying to have a sincere heterosexual-life-mate moment before Riverside immediately tries to ruin it with connection issues. From there, Ian talks about the London trip with the family, Asher walking all day without complaining, bumblebees checking out his toy bow and arrow, and the weird balance between letting kids burn off energy versus handing them...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E39 , Ian and Robby start off getting into forgotten water, forgotten phone cords, grocery runs, crock-pot spaghetti sauce dreams, and whether pasta cooked directly in sauce would be genius or absolute mush. From there, we talk Robby getting called into work early, the ongoing beard and mustache maintenance saga, Movember plans, shoehorn mustaches, Oscar and his twin brother...

Send us Fan Mail In S1E1 , we officially kick off Two Assholes on a Mic with Ian and Robby introducing themselves, explaining how the podcast came together, and immediately proving there was never going to be a strict plan. We talk possible podcast names, the origin of “Kiegel,” British breakfast crimes, Schöfferhofer, Dragon’s Milk tasting like farts, Apple Crown versus Jim Beam Apple, and why mo...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E38 , we start with a creepy Skype story from Ian’s time in Korea before getting into Robby sleeping thirteen and a half hours, waking up sore but mentally refreshed, and somehow turning that into a theory about humans tossing and turning for survival. From there, we talk Fortnite mobile players being way too good, self-revives, Ian taking Kai and Asher metal detecting, findi...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E37 , we accidentally start with the fastest outro-intro combo ever before getting straight into Robby waking up to emergency poop pains and both of us comparing unfortunate shit-yourself stories. From there, we get into payday beers, no-judgment rules, Ian bouncing back from a rough work week, and Robby realizing that working with Hannah may not be the issue as much as his o...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E36 , we start off with Robby getting attacked by a wasp seconds into the episode before Ian talks through one of those chaotic adult-life days where everything seems to go wrong at once. From there, we shift into rainy-day nostalgia, kids running around outside, puddles, homemade sailboats, and missing those simple days when getting soaked in the rain was the whole point. We...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E35 , we bring on Christopher Smith, the man responsible for calling Ian a Bag O'Douche in his book, and catch up on retirement life, work-from-home setups, gaming headsets, getting older, getting fatter, getting skinnier, and Chris immediately talking shit about Ian having no AC in the UK. From there, we get into CPAP machines, dry-mouth dragon breathing, brutal electri...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E34 , we start with Robby’s Slingshot finally getting towed off for repairs and a questionable vet adventure involving Slinky, a fresh stool sample, and front-desk confusion that makes absolutely no sense. From there, we get into another update on Ian’s house paperwork, mortgage deeds, witnesses, surveys, and the painfully slow UK house-buying process. We also talk about God...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E33 , we start off with a slightly cursed intro before getting into Robby’s plan to finally get the Slingshot picked up and looked at, Ian having one of those disconnected “don’t want to deal with anything” days, and a heavier detour into crime stories, scams, and why people can be absolute trash sometimes. From there, we lighten things back up with Robby offering to send ove...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E32 , we start off sweating through another round of Texas garage heat and UK weather talk before Robby gives an update on finally selling the trailer and getting the Slingshot lined up for a tow, repair, and possible sale. From there, Ian drops the big news that the house contract has finally arrived and been signed, which leads into the usual comparison of how painfully slo...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E31 , we bring on our old friend Chance Cunningham and catch up on life after the Air Force. We talk about Chance retiring out of Fairchild, getting medically retired after 21 and a half years, rolling straight into his VA rating, and what it feels like to finally collect the retirement we all beat ourselves up for. From there, we get into kids, college, GI Bill benefits, CCA...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E30 , we kick things off with Ian sweating through the UK heat with no AC while Robby enjoys his precious American cooling. From there, we get into the latest mystery with Kirstie’s car, diesel particulate filters, oil dilution, check engine lights that disappear at the worst possible time, and why modern cars are a pain in the ass. We also talk Slinky getting attacked by sti...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E29 , we start with Robby showing off a new Sonic LEGO set, Knuckles, Rogue, dual-molded minifig legs, and whether custom 3D-printed LEGO figs are actually a thing. From there, we get into Robby’s bar schedule, learning drinks, wine pours, being a “15% handicap” behind the bar, Ian accidentally calling a coworker the wrong name, Uncle Buzz, LEGO reward points, gift cards, kid...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E28 , we kick things off with full dad-mode chaos, dog hair everywhere, and Slinky demanding attention like usual. From there, we get into Slinky’s stinky feet, dogs sweating through their paws, baby teeth, Roxy trying to sit on Robby, USA versus Australia, clogged “tobacco” carts, pipe cleaners, future podcast guest ideas, becoming a better parent with age, Autumn’s online a...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E27 , we start with Slinky getting seeds and eye goop picked out, Robby waking up in full existential “what am I doing with my life” mode, and Ian talking about the problem with wanting a relaxing “tobacco” morning when you still have places to be. From there, we get into Robby’s chaotic Wing Wednesday shift, the many versions of his name at work, UK office heat with no AC, t...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E26 , we kick things off with Slinky, Roxy’s heavy-breathing ass, and Robby showing off his ridiculous Toy Story-themed nails. From there, we get into LEGO pop culture figs, Venomized characters, missing pieces, Batgirl parts that have to stay with Willow’s collection, and somehow end up talking about whether riding on the back of a garbage truck would be fun for about a week...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E25 , we start with Slinky covered in stickers, dog hair everywhere, and Robby debating whether Slinky’s “newts” need to go after he marks one of the LEGO boxes. From there, we talk about brushing Slinky and Roxy, Roxy’s guard-dog energy, bite strength, and how weirdly gentle she gets when taking treats. The episode then shifts into Ian’s ongoing Range Rover nightmare, includ...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E24 , we start off talking about online Goodwill LEGO lots, giant pallets of mystery bricks, Robby’s day running around with Autumn, and Kirstie’s birthday plans. From there, we get into Dragon Ball, including Robby’s hatred for the Vegito-inside-Buu episode and Ian getting closer to the Tournament of Power. We also talk rare Atlantis LEGO figs, old Star Trek toys, childhood...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E23 , we bring on Rodney, also known as Cuban Bee, and catch up on life after the military. We talk about his move to Florida, retiring in 2023, getting his A&P, teaching aviation maintenance, buying a dream home, and raising two young kids after spending the first decade of marriage travelling and enjoying life. From there, we get into old crash recovery memories, the ca...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E22 , we bring on our old Misawa coworker and friend, Josh, to catch up after years of not talking. We get into Josh’s retirement life, small-town Arizona living, the opportunity to take over a machine shop, and how machining heads and building engines scratches that old maintenance itch without all the military bullshit from above. From there, we talk about missing the satis...

Send us Fan Mail In S1E21 , we fight through another round of technical difficulties, audio delays, reconnecting issues, and Ian’s car trying to hijack the Bluetooth mid-recording. Once we finally get rolling, we talk watermelon flavors, Robby’s LEGO zombie Captain America build, weird word mix-ups, missing LEGO parts, Joy’s legendary pronunciations, Brooke becoming the cat whisperer, and whether...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E20 , we start by talking through the joys of recording issues, missing audio, Bluetooth problems, and the mystery of why some spam calls kill the track and others don’t. From there, we get into missing LEGO pieces, memories of Joy, Brooke becoming the cat whisperer, whether cats are useful house tools, overly happy coffee shop workers, and why Green Bean coffee downrange sti...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E19 , we start with Ian passing his UK driving theory and hazard perception test, including why the hazard section feels odd when you’ve already been driving for years. We also talk about Kirstie getting back into work, Ian helping out at the Suffolk Show with science activities for kids, and then go off on a run of random movie quotes from Joe Dirt , Anchorman , and Talladeg...