Two Assholes and a Mic

Send us Fan Mail Sweenis joins us for this one, Robby shows up late, Starlink immediately starts acting like Starlink, and somehow we end up planning where everybody should move once the kids are grown and retirement money can actually do some damage. From there, Robby unveils his last-ditch attempt at a cool hairstyle—the fucking woodpecker —while Sweenis explains why he gave up trying to grow a...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with Robby’s decade-old headset finally showing its age before we get into remote-job hunting, whether $60–70K is enough to justify going back to full-time work, Ian’s abandoned shirt-business dreams, and the point where making more money stops being worth giving up your free time. Robby considers going back to the kitchen, we discover the podcast’s greatest power...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with Robby’s ancient headset making screeching noises and somehow turns into one of our more brain-melting space conversations. We get into the double-slit experiment, quasars, gravitational lensing, photons that experience billions of years like an instant, and why none of that feels remotely reasonable even when the science supposedly checks out. From there, we d...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts a little heavier, with Robby talking about stepping away from the bar for a few weeks to get his head right, reset after a rough stretch, and figure out what he actually wants to do next. That somehow turns into becoming a third-base coach for a softball team, defending Grammy’s right to wander around the bar doing whatever the hell she wants, and then a full dive...

Send us Fan Mail Robby finally gets the new gaming PC he’s been talking about forever, complete with liquid cooling, enough power to make HOTS behave itself, and a new chair that somehow still manages to piss him off because it requires assembly. From there, we get another house update, praise for a mortgage broker who has gone well beyond what she signed up for, more Starlink cable troubleshootin...

Send us Fan Mail This one comes with a guest. Joe Cheshire jumps in and suddenly we’re swapping old Air Force stories, talking sponsors, Lakenheath, Alaska, Florida, mountains versus beaches, British towns, drunken Bury nights, and the kind of military memories that make you realize none of us have changed that much. Robby also talks bar life, raising kids, empty-nester plans, and why pouring beer...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts later than usual, with no judgment from Ian, before Robby opens up about a rough Willow day, PTSD triggers, leaving work early, and how one conversation at a coffee shop turned into an emotional spiral. From there, the internet continues its war against the podcast, Starlink cables become suspect again, and Ian gives the latest painful house update involving rent c...

Send us Fan Mail This one kicks off with Ian finally ordering a new phone, Robby debating the same, and both of us still trying to figure out whether the real villain is the phones, Starlink, the app, or just whatever “bottlenecking” nonsense is happening in the background. From there, we get into Robby’s rough Whatnot stream, bar boredom, doom scrolling, walking groups, testosterone checks, blood...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts before the intro with Robby deep in Hulk color lore, because apparently there are way more Hulks than anyone needed to know about. From there, we get into Erin’s baked ravioli, homemade pasta, pizza-roll logic, and missing the Viking buffet hard enough to cause emotional damage. The dogs then take over with Roxy guarding the fence, Slinky chaos, Amazon driver drama...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with Ian fully accepting his Pokémon Go nerd era after joining a random walking group on the heath, while Robby remembers chasing PokéStops around Edwards with Justin. From there, we drift into saving for a gaming computer, the never-ending nightmare of buying a house in England, renting houses instead of selling them, HELOCs, mortgage rates, and trying to pay thin...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with the podcast already fighting for its life, a questionable pigeon rescue, and Erin discovering a new list of food allergies. From there, Ian vents about the never-ending house process, Robby talks Wing Wednesday chaos, bar staffing, and a possible new Colleyville location, and then we accidentally pick the most boring random-fact topic possible: grass. Once gra...

Send us Fan Mail This one is basically a science argument with technical difficulties sprinkled on top. We start with the classic “can an airplane take off on a treadmill?” debate, break down wheels, thrust, lift, MythBusters, and why billionaires should stop wasting money on boring stuff and finally build a proper plane-sized treadmill. From there, we jump to whether the Moon makes more sense tha...

Send us Fan Mail A short one, but still somehow full of chaos. We start by fighting technical difficulties, blaming Elon’s internet, and trying to remember what we were even talking about before the recording fell apart. Then it turns into Slinky’s missing balls, dogs barking at neighbours, foldable pools, rock-chewing pets, and a quick dive into weird laws involving suspicious salmon and Switzerl...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with Lego Batman problems and quickly gets hijacked by a hummingbird that has apparently chosen Robby’s garage as its final boss arena. While Robby tries to figure out why the bird will not leave, Ian tells a baby-pigeon rescue story, we debate bats versus moths versus tiny owls, and Robby explains why his bat house gave up on life. After some fish-cake confusion a...

Send us Fan Mail This one opens with Robby running late because salami and cheese cubes got in the way, which is honestly hard to argue with. From there, we get into work drama at the bar, tip culture in the States, why servers making two-something an hour makes no sense, and Robby’s idea of washing dishes just to fund wings and beer. We also talk remote jobs, paying off debt, the Slingshot versus...

Send us Fan Mail  This one starts relaxed and then drifts straight into weird territory. We talk Witch’s Brew, caramel apples, food videos, Brian Cox, Neil deGrasse Tyson, black holes, dreams, and whether our brains are building reality like some kind of personal simulation. Then Ian brings back the legendary deployment thong stories, including Rudolph, Ellie the Elephant, Ally the Alligator, poke...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E51 , Robby gets the EcoSport sorted with new tires and “trained” TPMS sensors before we drift into Lego figs, Whatnot sales, Kevin Costner movies, and Robby defending the new He-Man . We also bring back random facts with ancient honey, giant fungus, neutron stars, talking ravens, and the moon leaving us. Support the show

Send us Fan Mail In S2E50 , we fight through more technical issues as Robby’s phone tries to cook itself, leading to cooling-pack inventions, Alani-assisted troubleshooting, and frozen vegetable solutions. We also debate whether green beans are actually beans, bring back random facts, talk crow taming, ancient history, flamingos, otters, DNA, and finish with the greatest crow dad joke ever: two cr...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E49 , we talk ASMR, crunchy food videos, Oreo-dipping methods, soft cookies, childhood money, and how expensive games were even back in the day. Robby pitches No Man’s Sky , pirate games, and “Two Assholes” game reviews before Ian shares another house update, we debate savings versus spending, and somehow end up planning future Space-A travel, C-17 luxury, and a Top Gear rewa...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E48 , we talk nature walks, questionable drink flavours, beard dye, balding genetics, Costco steaks, missing gravy, and Robby’s continued refusal to buy a box fan. We then test ourselves with ten random facts involving cube-shaped wombat poop, ancient sharks, unicorns, butt-breathing turtles, and an immortal jellyfish—before Robby demands a Facebook poll to decide whether Ian...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E47 , we fall into a Jupiter rabbit hole involving liquid hydrogen, solid cores, and whether throwing a match at the planet could create a new star. We also debate laying the PS5 flat, watch Robby’s internet turn him into Megatron again, compare meteor showers and eclipses, discuss another Corso puppy, hype fifty-cent Wing Wednesday, and finish with Ian finally getting closer...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E46 , Robby checks in from Alaska before flying home as we talk questionable vape flavors, Alaska-grown weed, and Peter Pug getting so excited he nearly shits himself. We also debate AI data centers and renewable-energy storage, hear about Robby’s four-wheeler trip through Alaska, and finish with VA claims, helping adult kids financially, and building credit.  Support the sho...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E45 , we start with Roxy immediately getting in Robby’s face, old insults making a comeback, kids casually saying things they probably shouldn’t, and Ian trying out new cartridges because the current ones keep clogging. From there, Robby gets ready for Alaska, talks airport arrival habits, and Ian tells the story of Asher wanting to build a giant Zane/Ninjago mech with Robby...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E44 , we bring Jackson on for the first time and immediately get into Europe, Tucson heat, brick houses that refuse to cool down, and why Ian’s biggest complaint is still no AC. Jackson talks about his new private jet flying gig, hitting 49 out of 50 states, Alaska float planes, bush pilots, scary little-plane stories, and why he is absolutely not a water-plane guy. We also g...

Send us Fan Mail In S2E43 , we start off talking GTA 5 money grinds, warehouses, motorcycle club missions, selling “math,” Coca-Cola, Mary Jane, counterfeit cash, forged documents, nightclub work, bunker runs, and Robby trying to make enough fake money to keep himself entertained before GTA 6. From there, we get into Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight , Batgirl’s annoying hacking mechanic, bad...