The Todd-Marshall Delirium

Also: • Wearing a Sandwich Board in Front of a Del Taco • Not the Least Interested in Cocaine Right Now • Mow My Lawn Menacingly • Where the Hell You Came Up With Iron Ore • Oh, There's No End of Whimsy • A Mishmash of Fabrications and Paranoid Fantasies • Diving Headfirst Into the Quicksand • The Most Gay I've Ever Felt in My Entire Life • Your Very Own Personal Zapruder • A Triangle Fr...

Also: • Speaking as an Amateur Body Builder With Truly Middling Results • It Doesn't, as Far as I Know, Creep Anyone Out • Five Beats or Three Dry Swallows • Did Somebody Poop During This Session? • Inviting Myself Into That Big Giant Cornucopia • Throw 5-Year-Olds Off a 10-Story Building • Izzy's Glizzy Party • Long Stretches of "Kitty Cat in Extreme Peril" • God Bless Those B...

Also: • A Bromance Between a Robot and a Dog • Of Course It's a Werewolf Thing • Once You've Discovered a Japanese Toilet • Hey Everybody, My Just Dad Died! • That's an Expensive and Dangerous Philosophy • The Fact That I Have Nipples • Leaking Gasoline and Melted Crayons • The Maori Eat Each Other • Sit in a Chair and Watch the Emperor Sleep • You Can't Call Us "Bitch&quo...

Also: • Penis Envy is a Hot Tub Time Machine • My Negative Harumphy Vibes • An Epistemologist Feeling a Little Cantankerous • Was it the Tip or the Shaft? • A Teaspoon's Dollop of the Blue Honey • The Substance Tolerance of a 93-Pound Vietnamese Girl • My 6th Erectile Dysfunction Test This Week • Rapid Onset Ego Death • Surely There are Witch Doctors in London • I Can Barely Stand Ezra Klein...

Also: • He Didn't Want to Take the Spigot Out of the Guy's Leg • Do You Do Caffeine Enemas for Fun? • Ingest Adrenaline By Drinking the Blood of Your Enemies • Someone's Always Plotting a Genocide • Hoisted By His Own Petard • I've Been Thinking a Lot About Impaling • A Lead Stake Moving 52,000 Miles an Hour • I Have Eaten Pig Brain, By the Way • Oh, No: You Go Straight to Hell...

Also: • I'm Schnauzing the VapoRub Kleenex • As Australian as it is Gay • Unless They're Actively Bludgeoning People on the Battlefield • Close Enough to Pejorativize • Never Say "Supposedly" When "Ostensibly" Will Do • That's Literally Onanism • Tie My Head to an Anthill and Smear My Ears in Jam • His is a Teeny But Hers is Not • Accused of Banging the Cubs&apos...

Also: • Fat Men Play With Their Garden Hoses • Do You Know What the Term "Twink Death" Is? • Downward Volatility Sucks! • I Like a Good Liminal Space • To His Horror He Finds Himself in Hell • James Ray, My Little Minion • Something You Might Pour Over Your Spaghetti • All Mimsy Were the Borogoves • Jive Turkey Ain't Got No Brains Anyhow • Did You See Anybody With a Smudge on Their...

Also: • The Scrawlings of a Madman on the Walls of His Cell • Our Measurement Here is Sheboygan's Yardstick • You are Bruce Banner, and I Keep Poking You • I Don't Always Want to Be the Straight Man to Your Idiocy • Go to the Amazon and Get Stung by a Bullet Ant • Does This Involve Jergens and Kleenex? • Holes in the Fabric of the American Fast Food Patchwork • He Got Some Pep in His Ric...

Also: • One of the Quasi-Protagonists, Although He's a Douchebag • I Get Light-Headed and Itchy • What is This, a Zaphod Beeblebrox Universe? • That's the Shit I Thought Bossa Nova Saved Us From • The Shock Completely Annihilated Her Brain • Famously, a Show About Nothing • A Genius Doing Insufferable Microtonal Music • I'm Going to Crucify You at the Stake! • Written From, To, and...

Also: • Because I Really Did Hate This Radio Station • Every Mainlander is a Yenta • I Dunno ... Ask My Dead Parents • It Was a Letter Full of Direct Personal Insults • A Tsunami of Insectile Flesh • She Will Make Me Happy, and Bear Me Many Babies • A Friend of Mine Has a Frog Deck • 38% of GenZers are Not Having Sex • Dark, Scowly, Wrinkly Faces • A Bunch of Entries Under the Heading "Unclea...

Also: • Common Everyday Working Laxatives • Chase Ass Till the Cows Came Home • Moses Floated Down the Nile on Hot Water • I Really Hope My Parents are Having Sex • A Fever-Sweat of Desperate Libido • Once Upon a Time, Before Orange Man • Was Satan Attacking Your Chinese Neighbors Too? • Woo-Woo and Witch-Doctor Kinda Stuff • Caught in the Baptismal at a Church Lock-In • My Old Ass is Very Gen Z R...

Also: • I'm on Tenterhooks and Walking on Eggshells • Calling Chinese Cuisine "Lunar Food" • At Risk of Committing 69 Microaggressions • When am I? • Big Company! Eat Little Company! Bad! Bad! • 3 Days in a Hotel Room Ralphing • Dead Pig Parts Sitting Out in the Marketplace • Every Word Would Have to Stink of Heaven • My Guitar's Producer Placebo Toggle • Carrying Around Some T...

Also: • For Weeks They Fed Me Food on a Pole • You'd Make a Really Shitty Unitarian Universalist • Steal Some of Their Coffee Before We Go • The Average Swede Has 1.99 Legs • Like Being a Bull Elephant in the Serengeti • He's Been Jibbering for 6 Days Straight • Incredible Amounts of Subterfuge and Testosterone • Spaff it Into the Floorboards • A Giant Exercise in Rage Machine Clickbait...

Also: • O'Reilly Auto Parts and a Story About Hookers • It Literally Means "Dog Ass" • The Opium Den Had More Drapes Than I Thought • Paul McCartney Didn't Need to Pee • Certified Pre-Owned Virgins • The God-King of the New Chinese-American Interbreeding • I'm Going to Lay Down and Rot Instead • Sucking Sludge for Safety-Kleen • Your Dulcet Tones and Your Excellent Face •...

Also: • Cut That Proverbial Baby in Half • Do People Cross Rainbow Bridges? • Adam Called Me Honky • Chugging Along, Still Cutting Down Trees • We've Found the Chinese Übermensch • A Burnt Out, Drug-Addled Guy Named Reverend Jim • Didn't Require a Shot of Penicillin • Caught in the Boys' Shower With the Home Ec Teacher • You're Not Sticking This Up in People's Faces • A Di...

Also: • Mortgage Manor, The Colonel, and That Damn Cat • I've Eaten Three Chickens in the Last Two Days • Ranking High for "Asian Ass Porn" • Someone in Ashwaubenon is Doing Things Right • An Ancient Black Man in a Snakeskin Suit • Where They Made Their Own Dresses and Raised Goats • The Kvetching Around Reagan • Why Aren't Hitler's Paintings in the Louvre? • OJ is Like a...

Also: • How Many People are Living in an Iron Lung Right Now? • A Little Rainbow Splotch to the Left of It • Telegraph Sex and Bomb Threats • I Don't Spend a Lot of Time Looking at the Sun • Twins, and They're Both Aboriginal • Our Drummer is a Felon • They Didn't Call Me a Barrel-Chested Monster Baby for Nothing • Barring Some Freak Relational Disaster • The Value of a Single Human...

Also: • Learn to Yearn for the Exuberance of Play • Fire and Fury and Burning Babies • The Lifeless Puddle That Was Once Frosty • Stab the CEO With Your Banjo • This Jesus Guy Blows My Mind • Munch More Vigorously on My Popcorn • Scolding and Censorious and Noisome and Irritating • Ticker-Tape Me Through Why That's Funny • An Ass That would Launch 1,000 Ships • There Was No Babbling, Yowling,...

Also: • Say "Drew Peacock" Really Fast • A Great Show Until One of Them Died • Get Your AI to Hallucinate • What Might Possibly Constitute a Refrigerator • My Bank is Now an Amazon Fresh • Getting Them to Sweat in Their Own Living Rooms • But She's Got a Full Head of Hair • According to David, That Makes Him a Goon • Your Insulin is Subsidized • We'll Happily Splice in Burger K...

Also: • Distended Stomachs and Meat Mouths • Can I Shit on One Human Culture in Particular? • Caves That Take Expert Spelunking • A Baby You Threw in a Box and Forgot About • Saturn Has No Influence on Me • An Arms Race Between the Dolphins, the Crows, and the Pigs • Japan Prefers Robot Bears • Blessings I've Had, Being a Nepotist • Astrology is Flat Earth for Fashionable People • All the Way...

Also: • Up My Nostrils, As Well They Should Be • My Brainless Ear Candy Playlist • A Gajillion Ladies With Their Pekingese Yipe-Yipe-Yipe Dogs • Do The Right Thing:  Kill Them First • This is My Roommate, Naked • They Don't Eat Cats Where I Lived • The Penis of the Plains, As They Call It • You Were Gestating at the Time • A Polyamorous Lesbian is Being Scolded by Her Mother • Ken Could Be a...

Also: • I Was in a Mosh Pit Recently • He's the God of Dolphins and Underground Plumbing • Strabismus as Usual • The Drummer is Drooling Evenly From Both Sides of His Mouth • Does He Shake Righty or Lefty? • An Unusually Violent G.K. Chesterton Quote • I Can Drive Over to the Guy's House and Punch Him in the Face • You'd be Amazed How Far You Can Get With Pizza • All Our Listeners C...

Also: • And I Looked Into the Chicken's Eyes • What Exactly is Stroking This Little Endorphin Rush of Pleasure? • No State-Sponsored Kid-Diddling Involved • I Have a Love-Hate Relationship With ESTJs • A Dorky Evening Serial Drama That Starred Alec Baldwin • That Absolute Asshole of a Child • Someone Whose Middle Name is Actually "Car" • Covered in This Pink Translucent Gunk • It&ap...

• The Tail is Wagging the Dog, at This Point • A Smarmy Group of Know-It-All Assholes • After a Prolonged Edging Session • Your Caramel-Smooth Voice and Pipes of a Flautist • Funniness is Holiness • How Many Birds are Named After White Men? • Skibidi, Nut, and Gooning • Gen-Alpha Emerged From the Dank Depths Below • Rife With Irony, Irritation, Boredom, and a Sneering Bite • $49 in Stevie Wonder&a...

Also: • Chatting Up Some Mormon Floozy • Full of Privileged Little Snot-Nosed White Kids • Like a Gutted Walleye • You've Stepped Into the Greatest Dojo on Earth • I Only Have One Torso • Leaving Pieces of Steak on Her Porch • Naked in Front of Polite Company • Charlie Kirk Among Pink-Haired Leftists • Her Mouth in a Big Giant Ice Sling • The Family Has to Travel in a Winnebago Recorded Octob...