Doing Marriage Well

This episode (Doing Marriage Well, October 1, 2026) explains why we project assumptions from past relationships onto our current spouse and how those assumptions survive and transfer. Even if a belief was true with a previous partner, it doesn’t automatically apply to the person you married. Young and inexperienced couples form more of these durable assumptions, and they can unconsciously shape ho...

Paul challenges the common habit of judging spouses by teenage stereotypes and urges listeners to recognise how old assumptions—from parents, friends, and media—can cause confusion and conflict in marriage. He advises couples to test and update their beliefs, communicate openly, and regularly check assumptions so love and understanding can grow.

This episode explores common hidden assumptions that damage marriages—assuming agreement when a spouse is silent, expecting consistent feelings over time, judging based on mood, letting insecurity color perceptions, projecting your reactions onto your partner, and assuming intent behind hurtful actions. Paul offers practical reminders to check assumptions by asking questions, opening communication...

This episode explains how assumptions quietly damage marriages and why our brains favour quick guesses. It shows how wrong assumptions grow into bigger problems and offers practical habits to stop them. Learn simple communication tools—regular check-ins and short clarifying questions like “When I said ABC, did you think XYZ?”—to prevent misunderstandings and build a healthier marriage.

This episode explains why sex matters as a way to connect, not just satisfy drives, and why couples should define it together. It offers practical tips — fondling, couple masturbation, brief sexual contact, scheduling sex, and gentle intercourse — to keep intimacy and physical function alive during busy or challenging seasons.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (September 25, 2026), Paul examines how following cultural norms — the “cost of normal” — can harm marriages. He looks at two countercultural choices: men staying home with kids when that’s the best family option, and choosing a simpler, less consumer-driven life to reclaim time for family and marriage. Paul invites listeners to question whether doing what ev...

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well, Paul and Lori share their experience caring for Paul’s bedridden mother with hospice and how they protected their marriage by adopting an unconventional schedule. They explain how setting aside nightly "us time" after the 10 o'clock news helped them stay connected, and they encourage couples to prioritise their spouse even when well-meaning critics disagree.

In the September 22, 2026 episode of Doing Marriage Well, Paul explores how couples can keep romance alive through date nights and vacations even when money, time, or childcare make traditional plans difficult. He offers practical, low-cost alternatives—picnics, free concerts, babysitting swaps, takeout nights, staycations—and encourages saving and planning for future getaways so the idea of time...

In this episode Paul shares a personal story about his wife’s unusual medical needs — including a doctor-prescribed milkshake — to show how sometimes the best choice for a marriage is a temporary, unconventional adjustment. He explains the two key steps: recognise when unusual circumstances require different behaviour, and intentionally return to normal patterns when the season passes, using open...

Paul argues that regardless of whether you call it an addiction, pornography use that harms a marriage is sin and should be treated as infidelity. He explains why labelling it a clinical addiction can be unhelpful, how many Christians excuse or normalise porn, and why seeking sexual arousal outside marriage is a form of betrayal. The episode calls for a serious response and support for those who w...

In this episode Paul explains how perfectionism and unrealistic portrayals of sex — from porn, romance novels, and media — damage couples' intimacy and create impossible expectations. He covers common myths about orgasms and erections, how shame and silence make problems worse, and why normal changes across life don't mean something is wrong. Paul encourages couples to relax the "shoulds", talk op...

Paul explains the idea of a "two-year temporary": simple, safe, and affordable short-term fixes that reduce daily frustrations during difficult seasons (finishing school, babies, illness, caregiving, etc.) without waiting for a permanent solution. He urges couples to intentionally meet emotional needs and preserve intimacy now—making small, practical changes that ease strain and keep the marriage...

This episode challenges the idea that love must be earned or exchanged. Paul explores how perfectionism and a "quid pro quo" mindset damage marriage and contrasts that with a mature, grace-filled love that does not keep score. Listeners are invited to examine whether they try to earn their spouse's love or expect their spouse to earn theirs and to practise seasons of giving and receiving grace ins...

This episode examines how perfectionism—often rooted in childhood expectations—damages marriages and family life, from hidden family shame to constant criticism and withholding affection. Paul offers practical guidance: identify which standards matter, negotiate give-and-take with your spouse, learn when standards are unreasonable, and consider outside help when you can’t agree. A memorable slipco...

Perfectionism can stop us from trying; this episode argues that it's better to attempt marriage imperfectly than not to try at all. Using G.K. Chesterton's insight, the host explains why honest effort, forgiveness, and gratitude matter more than flawless performance. Drawing on personal experience from a 41-year marriage, the host shows how accepting mistakes, thanking sincere attempts, and encour...

Paul explores how married couples can responsibly manage sexual desire when a spouse is separated, ill, or otherwise unable to be intimate, recommending communication, compassion, solo release, and practical options like phone sex or toys. He urges planning ahead, choosing grace over legalism, and asks listeners to pray for Lori, who is struggling with chronic discomfort and awaits a specialist ap...

In this episode, Paul discusses the responsibilities of adulthood within marriage — stepping up when your spouse can’t, carrying extra loads without complaint, and offering sacrificial love. He emphasises honest communication, self-care during seasons of weakness, and the importance of reassurance rather than guilt. Paul also warns against chronic exploitation of one partner’s sacrifice and sugges...

This episode examines common ways couples fail to 'adult' in marriage: avoiding difficult conversations, playing the blame game, refusing accountability, throwing tantrums, and using hobbies or work to avoid connection. Practical guidance is offered: address issues promptly, call out harmful behaviours, focus on increasing connection rather than limiting activities, seek help when needed, and prac...

This episode explores how "adulting" can require painful but necessary choices to protect your spouse, children, and marriage, illustrated by a true story of a couple facing mental illness and recovery. Practical advice covers recognising mental-health needs, confronting addictions, setting boundaries, using interventions and recovery groups, and taking medical or legal steps when required. The ep...

This episode explores what it means to "adult" in marriage: doing necessary tasks, sharing responsibility, and avoiding unrealistic expectations of perfection. Paul emphasises balance, grace, and teamwork—letting roles shift when life gets hard, helping each other when one partner is overwhelmed, and accepting occasional days where you simply can’t adult.

Doing marriage well (Sept 5, 2026): This episode examines the high cost of betrayal and the path to healing and accountability after infidelity, including porn and emotional affairs. It covers owning the choice to sin, ending contact with the other person, giving your spouse the information they need, the slow work of rebuilding trust and sex, and when to seek help. Includes an example of grace wh...

This episode explains how to apologise effectively in relationships: why timing matters, how to take ownership without defensiveness, and why acknowledging impact and offering tangible repair are essential. It highlights common apology mistakes — delaying, over-explaining, minimising feelings, or tacking on grievances — and encourages short, sincere apologies focused on healing and restoration.

Episode from Doing Marriage Well (Sept 3, 2026): This episode explores how shared history can either repair or damage relationships. It advises intentionally recalling positive memories, journaling happy moments, and using those memories to shift perspective and rebuild connection. It also discusses how past hurts can be magnified when we’re hurting now, and encourages examining patterns, learning...

This episode examines 1 Corinthians 13 and applies its principles—patience, kindness, restraint, hope, and endurance—to situations where one partner is the main source of problems. It stresses that love does not mean accepting abuse, encourages patience and kindness while waiting for change, and advises seeking help or leaving when patterns are harmful or unchanging.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Sept 1, 2026), Paul outlines six ways we sabotage our relationships—selfishness, pettiness, pride, refusing the cost of doing what's right, demanding what we think we deserve, and making harmful assumptions. He offers practical questions, Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), and a faith-based call to own your part, apologise, and seek God’s help to rebuild conn...