Free Legal Advice

There's only one person to blame when an episode is uploaded late for no good reason: Matt. With that out of the way, it's time to throw the hammer down, or something, because we're talkin' 'bout truckin'. If you don't like apostrophe-related truncations, then this is not the episode for you. Ye' bes' get outta here, 'cause 'taint nothin' fer ya here.

In this episode the focus of our #ramblins is the noble hotel. Motels may also be #rambled about. So, a main course of hotels, with a side of motels. AND A DESSERT OF HILARITY!!!!!!!!!!!! That comes free with the #ramblins, as per the usual agreement.

Point: 100 episodes and 5 specials of self-promotional nonsense. Counterpoint: This episode.

One hundred episodes. You know what that means: Arbitrary milestone celebrations! That's right, we've done so many of these things, it can scarcely be believed. It's almost enough to destroy one's faith in humanity. I mean, Chappelle's Show only got 28 episodes.

Hey folks, it's time for another we-don't-have-an-actual-episode-due-to-poor-planning-but-here's-some-weird-old-shit...-stravaganza? I think that's the term for it.

In theory, this episode is about Christmas. In practice, I cut out all the long, rambling stories that were vaguely connected to Christmas, and I left in all the long, rambling stories that were vaguely humorous. It's a Christmas miracle!

Are YOU going to Scarborough Fair? If so, can you return this time machine for us? We took it for a spin, and there's no way we'll be able to top the day that we had.

No self-respecting action hero / karate champion / powerlifting fire-breather can go around with a name like Sammy Sparkles. No, they have to be called Punch Hawkins, or Crush Flexington. The more badass the person, the more badass the name has to be. But what name is the MOST badass? We may, in fact, reveal that very information in this episode! Well, I mean, we will, because that's what the epis...

There is an improv show called The Tournament of Nerds. This is absolutely nothing like it. It's more like a Dork Decathlon, or The Geek Gladiators. Completely different.

From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, everyone needs their hair cut. Well, except the bald. They can skip this episode. For the rest of us, we discuss the traits of the ideal barber and barbershop, tell haircut stories, and finally, create our own barbershop franchise. And to answer your question, yes, we ARE actually trying to entertain you.

Variety is important in any medium of entertainment, and we here at the FLAP are determined to provide a wide variety of content for you, our dear listener(s?). Instead of delivering our usual thirty-minute rambling excuse for a show, we thought we'd switch it up and do a somehow even more rambling show this week! At least the video is good this week (be sure to watch it, because it's definitely a...

Move over, Batman. Take a hike, Superman. Drink bleach, Martian Manhunter. There's a new hero in town, and you can look forward to his movies premiering in June of 2024, 2026, 2028, 2030 and Christmas of 2032. Buy your tickets today!

What if your boss wanted to discuss an idea with you? And what if you had no idea what the hell he was talking about? And what if you had two dates on the same night? That's not really relevant to the episode, but it is amusing to think about for roughly half an hour.

Contained herein is the special Free Legal Advice horror anthology, entitled "Anthology of Horror: A Free Legal Advice Special". It consists of an original spine-tingling tale of scariness from each of the four brothers. It is not for the faint of heart. They don't like our shit, either.

What follows is ostensibly a discussion about Halloween, and all things relating thereto, but is really a thinly-veiled excuse to talk about all the rad costumes that Cory's made over the years. And you can't even be mad at him, because they are, in fact, rad.

So the protons are like the quarterback, right? The neutrons are the left guard, and when the electron gets the ball, the neutrons pull across to block the delayed blitz from the linebacker. If the defense is playing Tampa-2 coverage, the electrons should be free to go all the way to the d-orbital. Got it? Due Monday.

There is a movie called Doctor Detroit. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. I feel like I've committed a crime just by informing you of its existence. It is not good, and it is not so-bad-it's-good. It's just nothing. You will hear us describe things; crazy, fantastical, hilarious-sounding things; but I can promise you they are not worth seeing for yourself.

Remember the good ol' days when Grant used to just steal other people's ideas? We should go back to that. Because the alternative is this, and I think we can all agree that ideas like this one should have remained locked away from the world. Also, Matt's audio cuts out in this one, so he'll disappear for awhile, then suddenly make a comeback, so get ready for that.

Four spy agencies have been summoned to a clandestine meeting - but for what purpose? And by who? Whom? Whomst? Is it whomst? Damn it, this is going to drive me nuts...

Ready, set, go! That was the beginning of the contest that we're starting. Why are we staging a global contest? I don't know. How do we stand to profit from it? No idea. What does the winner get? Riches...? No time to think about any of that, the race started eight sentences ago.

This episode is like drilling for oil. We dig around for awhile without finding much, but eventually we discover the real topic we were looking for. Unfortunately, that episode will have to wait until later.

In this episode, we play Dungeons & Dragons. Wait, where are you going? Hold on, I promise it's worth it! It will definitely help if you know Uncle Hammer. If not, well, just pretend that everything Matt says is hilarious.

If you're in the market for an evil base of operations, this episode contains must-have information for the first time lair buyer. When you're searching for the right lair to help you take over the world, remember the three key rules: Domination, domination, domination.

Society may have overthrown itself many times over throughout history, but no matter how far you go back you will find sad, desperate men graphically reproducing their genitals in the misguided hope that it will somehow lead to intercourse.

Every four years the denizens of the local railyards gather together to determine, through friendly competition, which living hobo today is the true heir to the legacy of the mythical Greek half god/half hobo, Hobercules. His exploits will be celebrated in rusty boxcars the world over. Also, listen to Cory "What Are Sports?" Siefker demonstrate a surprisingly sophisticated knowledge of Olympic spo...