Fit Mind Chats

Over sharing has evolved over the years. The first time I noticed this was in the beginning phases of FB when certain friends would post every place they went to. They would check in feeling happy at Target, then feeling thirsty at Starbucks. People were living their lives on social media. This has continued to get more and more of a place people will share things that are more personal and at tim...

Did you know that at age 55 we are least satisfied with our bodies? But the issue with body image does not end when we get into middle age. Most women report their ideal body type is smaller than their actual size. Body image is connected to self worth in midlife and is no different than a teenager into young adulthood. There are significant changes in the body during midlife with 5-10 lbs of weig...

n my 20s my social circle was large and was basically who was going out that night or was going to events I was afraid of missing. The FOMO was the driving factor. These relationships were superficial and many times I had nothing in common with these people. I would agree to anything to keep the invites coming and would work at making social outings fun. It was a complete job and felt like work. H...

We talked about midlife last week. Today, I want to present the gifts of midlife. It lives in the change from let me over explain myself to, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. How liberating. I don’t want to stay up late and if you want to see me our plans will have to be earlier. Period, end of statement. No explanations needed. If you have friends who are in midlife or beyond- they give y...

Chin plucking, seeing a toilet and starting to pee before you pull your pants down, knees cracking, colonoscopies, you enjoy moomoos, wearing the widest brim sunhat, pickleball leagues, you like to go to dinner at 5 and be home by 8 to get to bed by 9, elastic waist anything, excited to get the AARP free cooler to join, readers all over the house, flat stomach only with SPANX, oversharing medical...

By now, many of you have dropped your child off at college. Maybe some are dreading it because it’s just around the corner. Today we ask, did you ever think you would miss socks on the ground? Or stare longingly at the open room door? Would you miss the stomping of feet or a slam of a door? My guess is that this day always seemed so far away. In some distant future that you could put off thinking...

This may be the least romantic break up in history. When your child trades you in for a dorm room. There will never be a break up quite like this with hurtful statements and grieving the little cherubs they use to be. For example some of the comments you may hear or if you have some good ones please share. I am never coming back ( Really does the dorm food and house you over the holidays? Will you...

Today we are talking about one of the biggest parenting milestones. Dropping your kid off at college. It was yesterday you were doing a U turn going 60 in a 35 to get a forgotten sports bag and get your child to practice on time, sitting in the never ending carpool line where there is always the one parent not moving up and causing a complete jam, running up a forgotten water bottle, loading up 10...

Do you have shame about how you may feel about things, how you respond to your environment, and how you respond that is not congruent with your values? This is the client that comes in and usually has extreme guilt about how they are feeling about their reactions that they feel are not congruent with their identity. This could be a person that fantasizes about running away and disconnecting from t...

Ester Perrel says that if you are lucky you can experience many different marriages to the same person. I like to think the same goes for friendships. This is a perfectly timed chat on friendship because I just spent the weekend with two of my oldest friends and then some of our friends from our 20s, shout out to the dirty oars my old rowing team. The rhythm of our conversations, the inside jokes...

Anxiety has become one of the number one things that bring people into therapy. Most come in when it has become unbearable and it is negatively impacting their daily living to where they struggle in relationships, work and overall functioning. Many have been experiencing anxiety since they were kids and did not recognize and assumed this was normal. The constant worry thoughts, assuming the worse,...

Life can really beat you down. You have a hard day, week, month, maybe year or several years. We go through so many seasons in our lives. You can’t be alive and not face challenges along the way. We watched fairytales when we were kids and oddly all of those fairy tales involved tales of death (usually the mother) evil antagonists (often the stepmother) and some epic battle against the evil in the...

Last week we polled men on what they wish women knew. This week we polled women on what they wished their partners knew. If you could sit down with hundreds of women and ask them one question—’What’s one thing you wish your partner understood?’—what do you think they’d say? Today, we’re answering that question. Here are some comments we heard I wish they knew: I’m not mad about the dishes; I’m tir...

I remember reading Marie Claire magazine when I was in my teens and 20s. I would read articles with titles like, What Men Really Want, 10 Ways to Turn Someone Off, 6 Things that will drive your man wild. Well, I have to laugh because now what I would tell you all is that if you want to know something like that, the best thing to do is ask. We have heard your suggestions, your outcry for male repre...

Why do people want mental health interventions? Because advice from social media, their cousin, and late-night overthinking wasn’t quite doing the trick. Why should you listen to this podcast? Maybe you are tired of using the same solutions and getting the same problems. Maybe you are looking for relief Maybe what use to work isn’t working anymore Maybe something hurts, stalls, or keeps repeating...

We have compiled a list of our favorite interventions to use in therapy. We often like to describe a problem during our chats and sometimes we forget to give an intervention or how to potentially solve something. Today we want to remedy this and talk about our most used and most effective interventions. As therapists we acknowledge that what sounds very simple is not EASY. There is a big differenc...

Last week we discussed radical honesty and took the challenge of only posting on our social media unfiltered day to day business. Not making posts that misrepresent our lives. Social media feeds into our feelings of shame, embarassment and the need to be accepted/admired. Hence the lying on social media misrepresenting situations, spouses, children to gain acceptance and admiration. We are explori...

Perfectly curated posts from influencers, dream vacations and everyone living their best life. All of it can make you feel like you are missing out on something or are behind the curve of life as you watch other people hit milestones, new jobs, kids, marriage, proposals, fun parties, events and fundraisers and awards. You are not alone, no one really posts those raw moments of despair or disappoin...

I was at a fundraiser in October and a person started talking to me as if they knew me. I have no re-collection of this person. I walk away confused and ask my table who is that? One person answered it was your co-chair from the summer bash in July. It was a completely different human. They had lost 50lbs at least, different hair color, cheek were plumper and smooth forehead. The person I did the...

Shame and guilt often are misunderstood concepts, but something that comes up all the time in therapy. Consider this: when I was maybe 8 years old, I stole a piece of candy from a store. I was with my mom and she saw me chewing on something. She asked if I took it without her paying for it and the look on my face said it all. (Guilty as charged) We marched back into that store and she made me conf...

Your inner child is basically the unpaid intern of your emotional life—overworked, ignored, and occasionally running the whole show. In the last podcast we talked about trauma and reactions. Today we touch on your inner child and reactions. Back to the reactions that do not make sense to the situation. This is a common area in therapy bc it negatively impacts our relationships with others. This is...

I got permission from my client to share an important revelation in her therapy. I will change all identifying information to protect her confidentiality, but the message was an important one to share. This is a client with a history of sexual abuse as a child. She has been working very hard to understand herself because she carries so much shame. She has many roles in her life, mother, wife, frie...

Traditionally, we have linked enabling behavior to addiction. The spouse that sets the drink limits or tries to get rid of any booze they find around the house. They try to control the social events and feel that if they watch them closely enough they can prevent the person from getting “too drunk.” Or the spouse that allows the partner to drink only certain kinds of liquor because that seems to h...

Are you this person or do you have a friend that is a fit. The person that hooks up with an ex that treated them poorly to feel attractive and wanted by another person and needing this attention to feel desirable. They continue the cycle of hooking up with this person and the person is only using them. Or You are or have a friend that bank rolls the relationship to have someone that might not date...

If attachment styles were text messages could you identify a person’s attachment style by their text messages? Which attachment is this? Secure, Avoidant/Dismissive, Disorganized/Fearful/Avoidant, Anxious/Preoccupied Background: you have been talking to a person on a dating app for a week.. Texting each day and feel there is interest. A date is set up with assurance this person will text you detai...