AstroloTea with Aliza Kelly: Horoscopes and Astrology

Are you ready to TAKE BACK YOUR POWER?! Well, honey, have I got a deal for you! This week, the cosmos is serving a MAJOR power play, and for the first time in months, some seriously intense energy is finally moving FORWARD. Pluto — the planet of power, control, and transformation — is going direct after being retrograde since May, and suddenly the things that once seemed impossible are looking a w...

⭐ MPLS: TONIGHT! https://tinyurl.com/tea-tour ⭐ Are you a witch?! Maybe you already know the answer. Well, divas, grab your broomstick and birth chart, because Aliza is revealing 5 of the witchiest placements in astrology — and you may be a whole lot more enchanted than you realized. Tea is served …and this one CACKLES! ⭐ MPLS — TONIGHT! https://tinyurl.com/tea-tour ⭐ 🎟️ ALL SHOWS https://tiny...

🎟️ 10.6 TUES — CHI! https://tinyurl.com/tea-tour 🎟️ 🎟️ 10.7 WED — MPLS! https://tinyurl.com/tea-tour 🎟️ We’re barreling into spooky season, and this week’s horoscope explores the upcoming gorgeous New Moon in Libra. It’s opening the door to NEW relationships! NEW opportunities! NEW beginnings! But… yet… there’s something lurking in the shadows. Venus is still retrograde in Scorpio, Mars is doing t...

You’re invited to join our CelebriTEA PARTY with Jake Cornell — comedian, viral sensation, and legendary tea time companion! As a Scorpio Sun, Aquarius Moon, and Capricorn Rising, Jake is serving a complex brew of revenge fantasies, mommy AND daddy issues, and the value of community. So on today’s episode, Jake and Aliza get into ambition, relationships, vengeance, and why Aliza qualifies to be Ja...

Venus Retrograde has ARRIVED… and your horoscope is SERVED. For 40 days and 40 nights, Venus — the planet of love, beauty, money, pleasure, values, and desire — is embarking on one of the strangest and most magical retrograde journeys in astrology. Your taste might change. Your relationships might change. Your desires might get… weird. And should an ex-lover suddenly appear at your door? DO NOT OP...

Are you compatible… or are you just weirdly horny? Welcome to the 50th episode of AstroloTea, divas! To celebrate, Aliza is answering your most BURNING, SALACIOUS, TEA-ROTIC questions about love, sex, soulmates, exes, and everything you’ve always wanted to know about astrological compatibility — but may have been a little too shy to ask. Honey, get ready for a very delicious sip; in fact, it may b...

HELLO SPOOKY SEASON! This week, the Sun enters Libra, we cross the threshold of the Equinox, AND a completely buck-wild Full Moon in Aries turns everyone into a WEREWOLF. Plus, Mars — the most horned up planet — speeds into Leo… y’know, as if there wasn’t enough going on. What does it mean for YOU? Your horoscope is served, and it’s an absolutely scalding! 🎟️ OCT TOUR (ALMOST SOLD OUT): https://al...

Where’s YOUR Neptune? Today, we’re visiting this distant, misty waterworld; welcome to Neptune, divas! Here, you’ll enjoy divine inspiration! Psychic revelations! Hollywood glamour! Spiritual ecstasy! Compulsive escapism! And… who knows what else! It’s hard to see anything through this thick fog! But hey, that’s Neptune for ya. Get lost with Aliza as she hits the dance floor, rocking to the rhythm...

Do you believe in aliens? Ghosts? YOURSELF?! Honey, your horoscope is all about this super rare alignment between Neptune and Pluto. This is a major pivot point in a 500-year cycle, and it will actively reshape your relationship with power, imagination, and the future in both subtle and casual cataclysmic ways. The theme of the week is I WANT TO BELIEVE — and honey, we’re all about to get beamed t...

IS YOUR LIFE IN SHAMBLES? Does it feel like nothing is going according to plan? Well, you are in luck! The fact that your entire reality is turning to dust may actually mean you’re on the precipice of a MASSIVE UPLEVEL. You’ve outgrown your conditions. You’ve expanded beyond the walls of your current reality. And something much, much bigger is about to unfold. In today’s Tea Party, Aliza reveals t...

The Eclipse Season evacuation order has officially been lifted, and baby, WE ARE BACK AT IT with a gorgeous New Moon in Virgo. This week’s horoscope is absolutely perfect for manifesting, setting intentions, and making it all happen… and that’s exactly what’s in store. But wait! What has changed in the past 6 weeks? How have you blossomed? Transformed? What have you learned? You are not returning...

DING DONG! DADDY’S HOME! Today, we’re talking about YOUR Saturn through all 12 zodiac signs — the strict daddy of the zodiac, keeper of consequences, Lord of the Rings, and the planet behind one of astrology’s most infamous rites of passage: your Saturn Return. Plus, obviously, we get into Saturn’s completely unhinged mythology involving castration, cannibalism, and the family drama that Freu...

Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, diva? I hope so, because your horoscope looks good! This week, Casino Daddy (Jupiter) sits down for a very important business meeting with the Strictest Daddy of them all (Saturn) — and it’s shockingly successful. Seriously! Jupiter has lofty ambitions, and Saturn is fired up by this real, promising opportunity. When luck, opportunity, and hard work all come togeth...

It’s TEA for TAROT! Whether you’re a seasoned tarot card reader or you’re just getting started, Aliza spills the lore, the method, and her hottest takes on the 78-cards — breaking down the entire deck (every! single! tarot! card!) so you can stop memorizing pictures and start actually interpreting the messages. Tea is served… and this time, it comes with a spread. 🩸 ECLIPSE WORKSHOP: https://cons...

Blood on the Moon!? The LUNAR ECLIPSE is coming — and this one is going to get SPOOKY. A powerful Lunar Eclipse in Pisces brings a nearly 2-year eclipse story closer toward its dramatic conclusion, AND forms a chaotic T-square with Uranus (the planet of shock and disruption). So what happens when an unpredictable planet crashes directly into an unpredictable eclipse? Please fasten your seatbelt; w...

You’re invited to join our CelebriTEA PARTY with Cogey — comedian, creator, vintage icon, and (unofficial) Marilyn Monroe channeler. As a Taurus Sun with an Aries Moon, Cogey knows sometimes you simply have to crash out to lock in! So on today’s episode, Cogey and Aliza a complex brew on creativity, being perceived, cursing your enemies with barbarous words, and going viral. It’s all totally norma...

Still reeling from last week’s Total Solar Eclipse in Leo? Well, Virgo Season is here — and you may be entitled to compensation. Or, at least, a plan you can actually start to work with. You’re done playing games, and all of us are going to be experiencing a massive energetic shift, which means Aliza Kelly is serving piping hot horoscopes for every single zodiac sign. 🎃 HURRY! TIX TO OCTOBER TOUR...

It’s Eclipse Season, baby! Everything’s changing! But what are you actually supposed to DO during Eclipse Season? Should you manifest? Absolutely not! Should you panic? Not necessarily! In today’s timely (and incredibly important) episode, Aliza Kelly spills the DOs and DON’Ts of Eclipse Season — including WHO is going to be most rock-and-rolled by this wild, crazy, unexpected energy. Yeehaw? 🌜WO...

Welcome aboard AstroloTea Airlines — but WATCH OUT! We’re flying directly into a Total Solar Eclipse in Leo… for the first time since 2017! And your horoscope is burning hot! So what does this mean for you? Well, some passengers will be upgraded to First Class. Slay! Others, unfortunately, will being escorted onto an entirely different aircraft—arrival time and final destination remains unknown. E...

It’s not just a phase; it’s YOUR phase! By popular demand, Aliza dives into the eight Lunar Phases—because what the Moon was doing when you were born reveals astonishing insight into your emotional wiring, your creative process, your soul's purpose, and even your unique magical abilities. Whether you're a bold Full Moon baby, a dreamy New Moon manifestor, or an old-soul Dark Moon mystic, this epis...

Are you ready to sign on the dotted line? Your horoscope is HOT, and this week, prepare for huge commitments: a lover, collaborator, investor, business partner, or lifelong friend who changes the trajectory of your life. Aliza spills on Venus entering Libra (one of its favorite places to be!) and the important business meeting between the Sun and Saturn — reminders that every relationship is an ag...

It’s giving destiny! This week, we’re exploring YOUR North and South Nodes — symbols of fate, destiny, and karmic purpose in your chart. Everyone has the Nodes of Destiny (aka the Lunar Nodes) in their chart, and at this Tea Party, we’re spilling on what they mean for you. Plus, with the North Node and South Node now on a new 18-month journey, everyone is feeling the churn: that is, your soul’s mi...

Get your freak on! With the North Node entering Aquarius for the first time since 2007, a dazzling Full Moon in Aquarius making things very weird (in a great way), and Jupiter yielding one of the luckiest moments of the year, this week's astrology kicks off an entirely new 18-month chapter of fate, purpose, and possibility. Are you ready to blast into the future? Well, get buckle up — it’s happeni...

You’re invited to join our CelebriTEA PARTY with Dana Patterson — model, creator, and unapologetically fabulous Taurus! Dana joins Aliza for tea, tarot cards, and some spicy astrology sips. Together, they spill on spiritual inspiration, brutal heartbreak, and why Saturn Return really is that bitch. Plus, why a Gemini Moon and Sagittarius Rising are always down to clown. 🌞 RETREAT RSVP: https://ti...

Holy moly, divas. It's happening. Not only is it Leo Season (meow), but one of the most anticipated astrological moments in modern history has officially arrived: Barbault’s Basket. Astrologers have been talking about this rare planetary configuration for more than 70 years, and now—for the first time in recorded history—Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are aligning at 4º in Fire and Air signs....