Delusional Bitch Juice

In 1848, according to her mother, an 11-year-old girl in upstate New York clapped her hands at a knocking wall and said, "Mr. Splitfoot, do as I do." And the wall knocked back. Forty years later, her sister walked onto a New York stage and cracked her toe in front of around 2,000 people to show them how she said it was done. In between, the Victorians built a log cabin full of instrument...

The modern Pagan name for the fall equinox belongs to a Welsh man who was kidnapped when he was three nights old, imprisoned for an unknown length of time, and rescued only because one of King Arthur's impossible tasks required him to handle a magical hunting dog. In 1974, a Pagan writer named Aidan Kelly needed a name for the autumn equinox. He built an argument for one — running through the Eleu...

When did Practical Magic stop being a movie and start becoming witch lore? The 1998 film gave us the Owens house, rosemary by the garden gate, midnight margaritas, family grimoires, suspiciously perfect hair, and enough cozy witch imagery to fuel Pinterest for approximately three lifetimes. But a lot of what we now associate with the Practical Magic version of witchcraft wasn't an ancient trad...

Why is regular full-moon water considered magical, but eclipse water is treated like the LaCroix of chaos? In this episode of Delusional Witch Stews, Heather investigates where our beliefs about full moons, moon water, and “chaotic eclipse energy” actually come from. We’re talking lunar madness, historically inaccurate werewolves, modern Wiccan esbats, celestial dragons, moon-eating jaguars, Mesop...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss the real history of fortune telling and how the creepy crystal ball fortune teller is way younger than you think. From ancient Chinese oracle bones and Mesopotamian diviners to Queen Elizabeth I’s astrologer John Dee and a celebrity astrologer consulting America’s financial elite, predicting the future was once serious business. Plus the history of sc...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss why August 12 is being called cosmic chaos —and whether somebody actually left the Lion’s Gate Portal open. From a six-planet parade and New Moon in Leo to a total solar eclipse and perfectly timed Perseid meteor shower, the celestial guest list is much messier than the internet claims. Plus ancient Mesopotamian substitute kings, the gardener who inhe...

In this episode of Delusional Witch Juice , Heather untangles the weird, messy folklore behind house spirits and the creatures we now casually lump together as “the fae.” From Scandinavian nisse who will apparently commit livestock murder over missing butter, to Scottish brownies who clean your house but absolutely do not want to be treated like employees, these supernatural roommates came with ve...

Back with another seasonal sabbat episode! Is Lammas really an ancient pagan bread holiday? In this episode, Heather follows the history from Old English “loaf-mass” and church-blessed bread to Lammas grazing rights, the Irish festival of Lughnasadh, and the story of Lugh’s foster mother Tailtiu. The modern holiday turns out to be a blend of three different traditions: an English Christian harvest...

What does witchcraft look like when you are sick, burnt out, overwhelmed, or simply too tired to feel magical? Heather explores low-energy witchcraft, the pressure to turn spirituality into another productivity system, and the small practices that can still create connection: one candle, one tarot card, a glass of water, a boundary, or permission to go to bed. Your practice does not disappear beca...

This week: what "types of witches" quizzes actually get right (and wrong), the real history behind the word "witch" — including Salem's actual numbers and the "9 million" myth that isn't true — why Jung thought a witch lives in your subconscious, and why Agatha All Along is basically doing this whole episode on screen. Funny, sourced, no judgment either way. 0...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, It's the New Moon in Cancer, July 14, 2026, 2:43 AM PT, so we're setting an intention live on air. But first: where does "manifestation" actually come from (hint: a guy with tuberculosis and a horse), what are the 8 real phases of the moon, and how did centuries-old farming folklore turn into today's "plan your launch by the moon&quot...

Why does everyone think they were Cleopatra in a past life — and never a turnip farmer? This week: what reincarnation actually means across Hinduism and Buddhism, the University of Virginia psychiatrist who documented 2,500 kids who remembered dying, the very boring brain-science reasons we "remember" past lives (hello, cryptomnesia), the Korean concept In-Yun from the movie Past Lives,...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss how the name Litha is younger than you think and the real history of the Summer Solstice is wilder than you think. From ancient Egypt to the Inca Empire to a Swedish midnight skinny dip past a murderous river demon, every culture celebrated the same sun completely differently. Plus the Oak King myth debunked, Litha 2026 astrology, and how to actually...

We are continuing with the pivot from pop culture to witchy solo episodes for this season and this week: the real 600-year history of tarot, the secret society behind the most iconic deck ever made, and the artist who drew every card you've ever pulled — and got paid once, no royalties. Why everything Antoine Court de Gébelin claimed about tarot and ancient Egypt is wrong — and why the real st...

After a long break and several rebrands later, DBJ is back, but as Delusional WITCH Juice starting with this episode about the real history of one of the oldest festivals in the Celtic calendar: where the name comes from (scholars genuinely still debate this), why the fires had to be made by friction, what the Romans were doing at the exact same time (strip shows — yes, really), and why cultures a...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Heather reunites with Mikayla, the original DBJ host , for a full-circle catch-up! Mikayla spills all about her big move from St. Louis to Charleston —from gut feelings and woo-girl energies to the realities of moving cross-country as a mom and influencer. We talk about coastal cities, content creation, and what it’s really like trying to stand out in Ch...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Heather is holding it down while Chloe takes some “Marriage Time Off,” bringing in special guest Sofia to spill insider TikTok growth hacks . Learn exactly how she broke out of the 300-view slump , the hashtags and posting times that trigger the algorithm, and why engagement beats followers for going viral in 2025. We break down the Sydney Sweeney x Amer...

Chloe’s flying solo this week with a deep dive into the wildest pop culture headlines and reality TV chaos. First up: a Coldplay kiss cam moment exposes a CEO and his head of HR—Chloe breaks down the viral video and the fallout. Then, she reacts to Sheena Shay’s bombshell reveal that Brock cheated during her pregnancy (yep, it’s in the book). Plus, Chloe recaps the premiere of Love Island: Beyond...

In this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice, we kick things off with some wedding planning chaos (spoiler: nothing is ready), spiral into our thought of summer outfits (why is everything sheer??), and then dive into the Bieber-Hailey drama timeline—because yes, it’s still happening. Then: Love Island gives us one last round of delusion, and Next Gen NYC drops a literal crypto torture scandal. Also,...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Chloe recaps her wild bachelorette party weekend—think bruises, breast milk shots, and chaotic bar crawls in Nashville. Then we dive into the rising Medieval Y2K fashion trend and how corsets, velvet, and chainmail jewelry are taking over the summer scene (bye clean girl aesthetic!). We also break down the Love Island lingo that's all over TikTok right n...

We break down week one of Love Island USA and the surprise Survivor crossover, dish hot takes on Paige DeSorbo leaving Summer House , and spiral into the rise of nipple honesty on the internet (Kylie, Alex, Kristen—we see you). From viral beaded sardine bags at TJ Maxx to the great bandage dress comeback, we’re hitting every trend, every drama, every sweaty summer dilemma. ✨ Timestamps for your l...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , I’m flying solo—Chloe had a family emergency, so it’s just me, a jalapeño sauv blanc, and way too many opinions. I talk about my family trip to Destin and how sometimes a vacation isn’t actually relaxing (especially when you’re sharing a house with six adults and a Scorpio moon). I spiral about why Millennials can’t take PTO without guilt, even though we...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Chloe reports back from Point Fest with all the chaos, from no-stage-overlap efficiency (hot) to seeing alt rock legends still kicking it from the 90s. We spiral into a full identity crisis over our actual ages (wait… how old are we again?), question the new “gingers are Black” trend (we’re confused, but intrigued), and investigate the nipple bra saga (K...

This week I’m joined (remotely!) by Chloe after she got fully wrecked by a St. Louis pothole 💀 We talk about the return of skinny jeans (are we mentally ready?), why heatless curls are my personality now, and the terrifying possibility that bump-its might be back. Then we spiral into the whole Taylor Swift subpoena situation (what even??), dissect Blake Lively’s cringey “dragon” text, and try to...

Welcome to another episode of Delusional Bitch Juice! We're diving deep into the outrageous fashion marathon that was the first weekend of May: The Met Gala, Cinco de Mayo, the Derby, and yes, we even got a bit of Star Wars Day action (May the fourth be with you!). Join us as we break down our top looks, give some honorable mentions (or dishonorable, Zendaya - looking at you), and ponder the K...