Delusional Bitch Juice

Mercury goes retrograde three or four times a year, and somehow that’s supposed to explain why you hit reply-all. So who decided retrograde means anything in the first place? Heather starts with a quick cheat sheet of what astrologers say Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune mean in retrograde, then follows the belief back 2,700 years. From Babylonian scribes reading the sky for their kings...

A medieval Irish story says that on Samhain night, the fairy mounds open, and one warrior walks into a hill and comes back carrying summer. This year Americans will spend $13.5 billion on Halloween. So what happened in between? We follow Samhain from feasting kings and a maybe-sacred hill in County Meath, through a made-up "lord of the dead," the Church's messy calendar, kale-stalk f...

In 1645, a young man in a small Essex town said he'd overheard witches meeting near his house. Within about two years, more than a hundred people across eastern England had been hanged. Matthew Hopkins had no official job and no real title, so how did the "Witchfinder General" end up running England's deadliest witch hunt, and why didn't anyone stop him? Heather follows the i...

In 12th-century England, a dead man kept climbing into bed with his wife, and the whole street stayed up every night to watch for him. To understand why, we follow the strange medieval debt between the living and the dead: from Cluny’s prayers for souls, to walking corpses at Wharram Percy, to the 1517 indulgence campaign that literally put a price on salvation. Content note: descriptions of corps...

In 2004, builders in London dug up a sealed bottle from the 1600s filled with urine, bent nails, hair, fingernail clippings and a leather heart with a nail through it. Whoever made it never explained why. For centuries, people across England hid bottles, worn-out shoes, dead cats and carved symbols in their homes to keep witches out. Heather digs into a 1681 witch-bottle recipe, a 1682 witchcraft...

In 1848, according to her mother, an 11-year-old girl in upstate New York clapped her hands at a knocking wall and said, "Mr. Splitfoot, do as I do." And the wall knocked back. Forty years later, her sister walked onto a New York stage and cracked her toe in front of around 2,000 people to show them how she said it was done. In between, the Victorians built a log cabin full of instrument...

The modern Pagan name for the fall equinox belongs to a Welsh man who was kidnapped when he was three nights old, imprisoned for an unknown length of time, and rescued only because one of King Arthur's impossible tasks required him to handle a magical hunting dog. In 1974, a Pagan writer named Aidan Kelly needed a name for the autumn equinox. He built an argument for one — running through the Eleu...

When did Practical Magic stop being a movie and start becoming witch lore? The 1998 film gave us the Owens house, rosemary by the garden gate, midnight margaritas, family grimoires, suspiciously perfect hair, and enough cozy witch imagery to fuel Pinterest for approximately three lifetimes. But a lot of what we now associate with the Practical Magic version of witchcraft wasn't an ancient trad...

Why is regular full-moon water considered magical, but eclipse water is treated like the LaCroix of chaos? In this episode of Delusional Witch Stews, Heather investigates where our beliefs about full moons, moon water, and “chaotic eclipse energy” actually come from. We’re talking lunar madness, historically inaccurate werewolves, modern Wiccan esbats, celestial dragons, moon-eating jaguars, Mesop...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss the real history of fortune telling and how the creepy crystal ball fortune teller is way younger than you think. From ancient Chinese oracle bones and Mesopotamian diviners to Queen Elizabeth I’s astrologer John Dee and a celebrity astrologer consulting America’s financial elite, predicting the future was once serious business. Plus the history of sc...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss why August 12 is being called cosmic chaos —and whether somebody actually left the Lion’s Gate Portal open. From a six-planet parade and New Moon in Leo to a total solar eclipse and perfectly timed Perseid meteor shower, the celestial guest list is much messier than the internet claims. Plus ancient Mesopotamian substitute kings, the gardener who inhe...

In this episode of Delusional Witch Juice , Heather untangles the weird, messy folklore behind house spirits and the creatures we now casually lump together as “the fae.” From Scandinavian nisse who will apparently commit livestock murder over missing butter, to Scottish brownies who clean your house but absolutely do not want to be treated like employees, these supernatural roommates came with ve...

Back with another seasonal sabbat episode! Is Lammas really an ancient pagan bread holiday? In this episode, Heather follows the history from Old English “loaf-mass” and church-blessed bread to Lammas grazing rights, the Irish festival of Lughnasadh, and the story of Lugh’s foster mother Tailtiu. The modern holiday turns out to be a blend of three different traditions: an English Christian harvest...

What does witchcraft look like when you are sick, burnt out, overwhelmed, or simply too tired to feel magical? Heather explores low-energy witchcraft, the pressure to turn spirituality into another productivity system, and the small practices that can still create connection: one candle, one tarot card, a glass of water, a boundary, or permission to go to bed. Your practice does not disappear beca...

This week: what "types of witches" quizzes actually get right (and wrong), the real history behind the word "witch" — including Salem's actual numbers and the "9 million" myth that isn't true — why Jung thought a witch lives in your subconscious, and why Agatha All Along is basically doing this whole episode on screen. Funny, sourced, no judgment either way. 0...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, It's the New Moon in Cancer, July 14, 2026, 2:43 AM PT, so we're setting an intention live on air. But first: where does "manifestation" actually come from (hint: a guy with tuberculosis and a horse), what are the 8 real phases of the moon, and how did centuries-old farming folklore turn into today's "plan your launch by the moon&quot...

Why does everyone think they were Cleopatra in a past life — and never a turnip farmer? This week: what reincarnation actually means across Hinduism and Buddhism, the University of Virginia psychiatrist who documented 2,500 kids who remembered dying, the very boring brain-science reasons we "remember" past lives (hello, cryptomnesia), the Korean concept In-Yun from the movie Past Lives,...

This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss how the name Litha is younger than you think and the real history of the Summer Solstice is wilder than you think. From ancient Egypt to the Inca Empire to a Swedish midnight skinny dip past a murderous river demon, every culture celebrated the same sun completely differently. Plus the Oak King myth debunked, Litha 2026 astrology, and how to actually...

We are continuing with the pivot from pop culture to witchy solo episodes for this season and this week: the real 600-year history of tarot, the secret society behind the most iconic deck ever made, and the artist who drew every card you've ever pulled — and got paid once, no royalties. Why everything Antoine Court de Gébelin claimed about tarot and ancient Egypt is wrong — and why the real st...

After a long break and several rebrands later, DBJ is back, but as Delusional WITCH Juice starting with this episode about the real history of one of the oldest festivals in the Celtic calendar: where the name comes from (scholars genuinely still debate this), why the fires had to be made by friction, what the Romans were doing at the exact same time (strip shows — yes, really), and why cultures a...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Heather reunites with Mikayla, the original DBJ host , for a full-circle catch-up! Mikayla spills all about her big move from St. Louis to Charleston —from gut feelings and woo-girl energies to the realities of moving cross-country as a mom and influencer. We talk about coastal cities, content creation, and what it’s really like trying to stand out in Ch...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Heather is holding it down while Chloe takes some “Marriage Time Off,” bringing in special guest Sofia to spill insider TikTok growth hacks . Learn exactly how she broke out of the 300-view slump , the hashtags and posting times that trigger the algorithm, and why engagement beats followers for going viral in 2025. We break down the Sydney Sweeney x Amer...

Chloe’s flying solo this week with a deep dive into the wildest pop culture headlines and reality TV chaos. First up: a Coldplay kiss cam moment exposes a CEO and his head of HR—Chloe breaks down the viral video and the fallout. Then, she reacts to Sheena Shay’s bombshell reveal that Brock cheated during her pregnancy (yep, it’s in the book). Plus, Chloe recaps the premiere of Love Island: Beyond...

In this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice, we kick things off with some wedding planning chaos (spoiler: nothing is ready), spiral into our thought of summer outfits (why is everything sheer??), and then dive into the Bieber-Hailey drama timeline—because yes, it’s still happening. Then: Love Island gives us one last round of delusion, and Next Gen NYC drops a literal crypto torture scandal. Also,...

On this episode of Delusional Bitch Juice , Chloe recaps her wild bachelorette party weekend—think bruises, breast milk shots, and chaotic bar crawls in Nashville. Then we dive into the rising Medieval Y2K fashion trend and how corsets, velvet, and chainmail jewelry are taking over the summer scene (bye clean girl aesthetic!). We also break down the Love Island lingo that's all over TikTok right n...