Your Stupid Minds

Your Stupid Minds is back after a February break with the film that connects us all, it's 2024's Madame Web , brought to you by the delicious taste of Pepsi-Cola! Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a sassy New York EMT who has trouble connecting to people except for her partner Ben (Adam Scott). After a near drowning she unlocks her latent spider power of seeing the future, something spiders are k...

Note: This episode originally aired on April 24, 2015. -- This week, YSM tackles the truly bizarre buddy cop/talking dinosaur movie Theodore Rex. Join us as we wonder whether writer/director Jonathan Betuel got an uncredited plot assist from his four-year-old nephew Tommy and whether Theodore Rex is the most annoying 90s "poochie" protagonist we've ever covered. In the near-future, human-sized din...

Note: This episode originally aired on October 16, 2014. -- We continue our October scary-movie-a-thon-thing with the terrifying and impossible to alphabetize cyber thriller .com for Murder. Directed by schlock semi-master Nico Mastorakis, this ripoff of Halloween, Psycho, Rear Window, etc. stars Nastassja Kinski (Cat People), Nicollette Sheridan (former Michael Bolton paramour), Roger Daltrey (Va...

Your Stupid Minds continues its Worst of 2023 limited series with yet another nine-figure Netflix action movie that they apparently forgot to promote. It's Heart of Stone with Gal Gadot! Rachel Stone (Gadot) is a young statuesque superhacker who's a new recruit to MI6. She's part of a team including combat expert Yang (Jing Lusi), another combat expert Parker (Jamie Dornan), and another superhacke...

Your Stupid Minds starts 2024 with our Worst of 2023 limited series. Our first one is the John Cena action "comedy" from the director of Taken (no, not Luc Besson) and co-starring Alison Brie! It's 2023's Freelance . Mason Pettits (Cena) is former Army Special Forces who injures his back in a helicopter crash during a mission to "liberate" the fictional South American country of Paldonia. After be...

Apparently we're only in Day Six of the Twelve Days of Christmas ( look it up ), so we're doing another Christmas movie with Disney's Robert Zemeckis's 2009 CGI monstrosity adaptation of A Christmas Carol ! Do I really need to explain the plot of A Christmas Carol ? Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) is visited by three spirits (Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey, and Jim Carrey) to change him of his miserly Chris...

Your Stupid Minds FINALLY gets into the holiday spirit with, what else, a Hallmark-style Christmas movie with a wrestler! It's the free agent holiday movie starring WWE's Trish Status, 2022's Christmas in Rockwell . Alyssa (Stratus) is a former child actress turned grown up actress who made it big at 12 years old with Holly's Puppy Christmas (or something similarly titled, I don't want to go back...

It's officially the Christmas season! Here we come a-wassailing! Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane! Jack Frost nipping at your nose. We're reviewing Assassin's Creed (2016). Cal Lynch (Michael Fassbender) is a convicted murderer who is being put to death in the Texas desert prison outpost in Huntsville. As he's executed, he wakes up in a strange facility in Madrid. Sofia (Marion C...

Your Stupid Minds covers a movie that may not exist, except in the deepest, darkest dollar bins of the seediest Walmarts of the world. It's the David DeCoteau Punisher-lite tale Prey of the Jaguar (1996) starring Maxwell Caulfield, Stacy Keach, and Linda Blair. Damien Bandera (Trevor Goddard, a.k.a. Kano in the original Mortal Kombat movie) is a drug kingpin who's just been busted out of prison by...

Your Stupid Minds does one last spook 'em up to round out the (now passed) Halloween season. It's the Italian horror-infused prequel to a "real" haunting: Amityville II: The Possession (1982). The Montelli family, made up of abusive father Anthony (Burt Young), manic mom Delores (Rotanya Alda), 26-year-old teenage son Sonny (Jack Magner), older daughter Patricia (Diane Franklin) and some other kid...

Your Stupid Minds is back with more spooky fare for Halloween. At least, it gives the air of spookification. If you find mind meld hypnosis machines, panopticon-like modern interior design, and fever dreams about locusts spooky, then you'd probably find 1977's Exorcist II: The Heretic adequately spooky. After a botched exorcism in Latin America leads to a woman "accidentally" setting herself on fi...

Just at the start of spooky season, Your Stupid Minds reviews the 1983 horror anthology Nightmares , starring Emilio Estevez, Cristina Raines, and Lance Henriksen. Originally planned as a TV pilot, instead Universal packaged it together and gave it a wide theatrical release. Despite this slapdash release, it still managed to top #3 at the box office. That's the '80s for you! The theme is kind of u...

Your Stupid Minds whisks you away to a magical fantasy land based on the L. Frank Baum novels that no one has read in the last 100 years. It's Disney's reimagined 1985 sequel Return to Oz ! In an effort to reinvigorate its flailing film releases, Disney bought the rights to the Wizard of Oz book series with the intention of revitalizing the franchise. One small issue though: the books are very dis...

It's finally here! In keeping with tradition, we reviewed Neil Breen's newest film Cade: The Tortured Crossing , an actual sequel to Twisted Pair that acts more like a spiritual sequel to Twisted Pair . Joining us is friend of me, the show, and bad movies in general Austin Buchan, who knew absolutely nothing about the movie or Neil Breen before watching it. According to the Alamo Drafthouse websit...

In honor of  Meg 2: The Trench  bombing at the box office, we decided to take a look back at its more financially successful predecessor, 2018's The Meg ! What if Jaws , but bigger? Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is a world-renowned underwater saving people guy. When he tries to rescue a submarine that was hit by something big (I'm guessing a Meg) he is unable to save everyone and is accused of cowa...

To complement Barbie 's wild success at the box office, Your Stupid Minds reviews a different toy tin-in movie, but a bad one! It's 1985's The Care Bears Movie ! A man who runs an orphanage, Mr. Cherrywood (Mickey Rooney), tells his orphans a story about two other orphans who learn the value of friendship or caring or not listening to an evil book, or something. Jason (Sunny Besen Thrasher) and Ki...

Your Stupid Minds covers one of the most infamous erotic thrillers of all time, 1993's  Body of Evidence , starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Joe Mantegna, Jürgen Prochnow, Frank Langella, Anne Archer, Julianne Moore, and more! When millionaire Andrew Marsh (Michael Forest) is found dead in his sprawling mansion with a bunch of kinky sexy sex toys around him, everyone immediately suspects his kinky s...

Note: The episode originally aired April 19, 2017. Your Stupid Minds delves into well-trodden bad movie territory with the notoriously terrible animated Italian film  Titanic: The Legend Goes On . We may not have the annoying falsetto screech of The Nostalgia Critic, or the deep-seated racism of JonTron, but we do have notable animal lover and Chris's sister Sarah Dobson back on the podcast. Angel...

Your Stupid Minds gets down with the sickness with the 2001 Jet Li film The One ! The movie that invented multiverses! [citation needed] Yulaw (Jet Li) has discovered one weird trick to make himself all-powerful: If he kills all his other selves in the 124 other multiverses, their power transfers to him and he becomes the titular The One. Time cops hate him! After killing one of the two remaining...

Your Stupid Minds reviewed 2004's Catwoman LIVE on the Exhibit Floor at Comicpalooza on Friday, May 26, 2023! Listen to us leave our respective metaphorical basements for the FIRST TIME to bring the bad movie gospel to the masses! Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) is a mind-mannered artist and graphic designer at a major cosmetics company. The company has a new product, Beau-line, that reverses agin...

Leading up to our appearance at Comicpalooza, we finally gave in to the hype and reviewed one of the most notorious and meme-worthy comic book movies of all time: 2022's Morbius ! Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) has a blood disease that makes his blood not good and he has to walk with crutches. He travels to Costa Rica's Cerro de la Muerte to capture a tube full of vampire bats in the hopes he ca...

Your Stupid Minds returns to ninjas with Cannon's Nine Deaths of the Ninja from 1985, starring Sho Kosugi, Anthony Kiedis's dad, and Harlan Crow's ex sister-in-law. Spike (Kosugi), Steve (Brent Huff), and Jennifer (Emilia Crow) are part of an elite anti-terrorist squad that consists mainly of Spike doing ninja stuff on a bunch of terrorists while Steve crosses his arms and chuckles. When a terrori...

Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our fifth X-Men related movie, this time it's the 2019 flop Dark Phoenix , another halfhearted attempt to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga without bothering with the Phoenix saga. The X-Men are assigned a mission by the president to save some astronauts stuck in space. Though the mission is successful, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is blasted with an evil space cloud tha...

Your Stupid Minds returns to the bottomless well of content that is the Barbarian Brothers (at least until we run out of Barbarian Brothers movies) with 1994's Twin Sitters , a movie that rips off Mr. Nanny wholesale but posits the question "what if there were TWO big beefy guys instead of one?" Peter and David Falcone (played by Peter and David Paul, respectively, since it's entirely possible the...

Your Stupid Minds covers 1982's Zapped !, a post- Porky's teen sex comedy where a teenage boy acquires telekinetic powers and uses them mostly to pop girls' shirts open. Barney (Scott Baio) is a typical high school nerd (he wears glasses, you see), with free rein over his own science laboratory in the school, dosing mice with whiskey to see if they swim better while drunk. Somehow this results in...