Your Stupid Minds

Your Stupid Minds sifts through some of Chris's $4 DVD acquisitions from Half Price Books and these things called "video stores" where our ancient ancestors used to purchase their entertainment wares. We start with the 1995 sci-fi direct-to-video low budget epic Galaxis (or Terminal Force ), which some critic (we'll never know who) described as " Star Wars meets The Terminator ." Starring Brigitte...

What do you get when you combine Jackie Chan, John Cena, Euron Greyjoy, six Chinese production companies, AND the 2013 winner of the China division championship of the Miss Bikini of the Universe pageant? Why 2023's Hidden Strike , of course! Dragon Luo (Chan) is the legendary leader of a private security company tasked with rescuing the kidnapped Chinese workers of an oil refinery in Iraq. For wh...

We finally did it! After months of promises we finally got around to covering the (probably) last of Sony's Spider-Man-less Spider-Man movies. It's 2024's Kraven the Hunter , starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ariana DeBose, and Russell Crowe. After a cold open action sequence in a Russian prison that serves as Aaron Taylor-Johnson's sizzle reel for his Bond audition, we are transported to the distant...

Tubi? Jim Wynorski? Comic book movie? Sometimes I think we parody ourselves. Your Stupid Minds comes to you this time around with 1989's The Return of Swamp Thing , starring Heather Locklear, Louis Jourdan and Wynorski muse Monique Gabrielle. Picking up after the events of the last movie, as best we can surmise Swamp Thing killed Dr. Anton Arcane (Jourdan) but it didn't take, since he specializes...

One night in Bangkok makes a soft man mumble! Your Stupid Minds heads to Thailand and returns to the Steven Seagal well with one of his transitional films from theatrical to direct-to-video. It's 2003's Belly of the Beast ! Jake Hopper (Seagal) is an ex-CIA agent whose daughter Jessica (Sara Malakul Lane) is kidnapped by... some group in Thailand. They also, coincidentally, kidnap her friend Sara...

Your Stupid Mind searches through the depths of Tubi to find a Roger Corman low budget direct to video dystopian cyborg film. It's 1991's Future Kick , starring Meg Foster, Chris Penn, and Don 'The Dragon' Wilson. It's the far-off future of 2025. Earth is ravaged by environmental disaster. Los Angeles is in ruins. Governments have collapsed and been replaced by mega-corporations. So absolutely not...

Your Stupid Minds returns with loads of airport novel chills and spills in the third (and almost certainly final) entry in the Dan Brown Cinematic Universe (DBCU): 2016's Inferno . Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) wakes up in a hospital in Florence with amnesia. He must, with the assistance of a suspiciously helpful British doctor Sienna (Felicity Jones), piece together the last few days and figure out...

We're a movin' and a groovin' into 2025 with a low budget direct-to-something action film starring Morgan Freeman and the third Hemsworth brother Luke. It's 2024's Gunner ! Lee Gunner (Hemsworth) is a special forces veteran Medal of Honor recipient returning home from Afghanistan after four tours to his home town of Clinton in the state of The South. After stumbling upon a drug lab in the forest,...

Your Stupid Minds continues its tradition of low budget Christmas movies with wrestlers in them with Country Hearts Christmas , starring Chris Jericho and others. Tori (Lanie McAuley) and June (Katerina Maria) are sisters seeking to become country music stars in Nashville. This was most likely set up in the previous movie Country Hearts , but that doesn't involve Christmas so who cares? The sister...

Sure, we could have reviewed Eli Roth's Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving. But we didn't. We did another Eli Roth movie instead. It's 2024's Borderlands ! Lilith (Cate Blanchett) is a bounty hunter hired to retrieve the daughter of a definitely not evil billionaire named Atlas (Edgar Ramirez). It turns out he's evil and his daughter is a clone he made from the DNA of some dead alien civiliza...

As we gradually transition from spook em up season to Christmas time, we dip into another Albert Pyun movie with his first directing credit, 1982's The Sword and the Sorcerer , conveniently named after its genre! Evil usurper King Titus Cromwell (Richard Lynch, also see what they did there?) resurrects an ancient, I guess sorcerer but seems more like a demon named Xusia of Delos (Richard Moll) in...

We finish out our spooky Halloween month with an episode on the Day of the Dead where nobody actually dies (uh, spoiler). It's M. Night Shyamalan's 2024 movie Trap ! Cooper (Josh Hartnett) is a mild-mannered serial killer fireman taking his daughter Riley (Ariel Donoghue) to a concert for Lady Raven (Saleka Shyamalan), her favorite pop star. Through some snooping and one very gregarious merch sale...

This ain't your grandma's exorcist. It's the POPE's exorcist! Russell Crowe plays the very real exorcist Father Gabriel Amorth in this very not real exorcism tale of 2023's The Pope's Exorcist . After Father Amorth (Crowe) conducts a "fake" exorcism on a troubled young man by tricking the demon into a pig and shooting it (at least it wasn't 2,000 of them ) he is sent back to the Vatican to be repr...

Your Stupid Minds brings you Disney's first foray into films based on their amusement park rides. It's 1997's made-for-TV movie Tower of Terror , starring Steve Guttenberg, Nia Peeples, and Kirsten Dunst. Buzzy Crocker (Guttenberg) is a former journalist drummed out of the journalism game for being a bad journalist. Now he's fabricating photos for his supernatural tabloid stories with his teenage...

We're back from an extended break to give you a real treat. New York Ninja (2021) has everything. A ninja. A roller skating ninja. A radioactive serial killer. Cynthia Rothrock (as a voice). And helicopters. In 1984, John Liu had a dream: to make a movie about a New York ninja. He shot 6-8 hours of footage, but his distribution company went bankrupt so the entire movie was scrapped. Cut to 2020. T...

Your Stupid Minds is back! Did you know it's the Olympics? We have a special Olympic-size episode for you, with Dolph Lundgren's 1994 film Pentathlon ! Eric Brogar (Lundgren) is an Olympic pentathlete competing for East Germany in the 1988 Olympics. For those of you who are normal, the pentathlon consists of five events: swimming, shooting, horseback riding, fencing, and running (the modern pentat...

Your Stupid Minds comes at you with a movie recommended by Chris's dad, the low budget UK adrenochrome-fueled revenge thriller I Am Rage (2023). Erin (Hannaj Bang Bendz) is a young woman with PTSD who decides to go to the family estate of her new boyfriend Adam (Derek Nelson). His entire family is there, including Adam's brother Michael (Luke Aquilina) and his new partner Sarah (Antonia Whillans)....

Your Stupid Minds is back with more animation for you! Not anime, but anime-inspired, it's the unreleased in America film adaptation of the comic Gen¹³ from Jim Lee, Brandon Choi and J. Scott Campbell. It's basically if a OVA was slightly less leery and animated like an episode of Batman Beyond . Caitlin Fairchild (Alicia Witt) is a freakin' NERD who is recruited by a shady paramilitary organizati...

What is that light? Is that Garzey's Wing? Is he the Holy Warrior? Is that Garzey's Wing? What was that? Garzey's Wing? Yes, Your Stupid Minds is dipping its toe into anime for the first time ever with one of the worst OVAs of all time combined with one of the worst English dub tracks of all time. It's Yoshiyuki Tomino's 1996 three episode OVA Garzey's Wing . Chris is a recent high school graduate...

Heyyyy, this is Your Stupid Minds saying howdy to all the girls out there in podcast-land. We have a special edition of Your Stupid Minds: After Dark. If you download this episode before your morning commute please wait until night! We present the direct-to-video sequel to the Roger Corman ripoff of Fatal Attraction . It's Body Chemistry II: The Voice of a Stranger (1991). Dan (Gregory Harrison) i...

In honor of the late great Roger Corman, Your Stupid Minds covers this incoherent Corman-produced family film The Skateboard Kid , starring Timothy Busfield, Bess Armstrong, and Dom DeLuise. And yes, the skateboard can talk. Widower Frank (Busfield) and his skateboard kid Zack (Trevor Lissauer) move to Southern California where they are both turbo-bullied by a group of skateboard punks in the midd...

Your Stupid Minds returns to its loose theme of "Sicko Movies from the 1990s" (see: Blank Check , Milk Money , First Kid ) with the hilarious premise of "what if an adult woman married a child as a joke?" It's 1994's Holy Matrimony , starring Patricia Arquette, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Tate Donovan. After a life-changing carnival-money heist executed by Havana (Arquette) and her boyfriend Peter (...

Your Stupid Minds tackles manuks, saber-tooth tigers, and terror birds in our latest episode that covers Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C. , starring Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, and Cliff Curtis! Featuring returning guest and Steven Strait expert Sarah Dobson Richard! D'Leh (Strait) is a mammoth (manuk) hunter in the Ural Mountains who has determined he must kill a manuk all by his lonesome to marry...

Why should you listen to our latest episode? BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO! We've got 2010's Hunt to Kill starring Stone Cold Steve Austin, Eric Roberts (kinda), and various Vancouver-based character actors. Jim Rhodes (Austin) is a U.S. Border Patrol agent about to assume a new desk job. When his partner Lee (Roberts) is killed in a botched meth lab raid (something Border Patrol does all the time),...

What if someone designed a computer program based on a hundred of the worst serial killers, assassins, despots, and also Emperor Hirohito for some reason, used silicon snake technology to make him real, and set him loose in Los Angeles? Also what if this terrifying being was Russell Crowe and you see his butt and he acts like the Joker the entire time? Those are the questions that 1995's Virtuosit...