Your Stupid Minds

One of the most infuriating movies of all time, it's Miley Cyrus's vanity project LOL ! About a bunch of privileged, Adonis-like bourgeois white kids from inner-city Chicago, LOL sets itself up as social commentary and then never delivers. Featuring Queen Twerker Miley Cyrus as the obnoxious Lola, the film putters around for a while before deciding to include a trip to 18th century France and an o...

Your Stupid Minds returns to its roots with a very special "wrestler" themed podcast as we review the 2000 buddy/road movie/wrestling commercial Ready to Rumble . David Arquette and Scott Caan play two... sanitation workers(?) that love wrestling, and when evil promoter Titus Sinclair (Joe Pantoliano) performs a classic "screwjob" to take the belt from their hero, Jimmy King (Oliver Platt), the tw...

By listener request, it's 2003's epic Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez flop Gigli ! Two low-level mobsters kidnap the mentally handicapped brother (Justin Bartha) of the District Attorney and house him in Ben Affleck's lush Los Angeles condo. Meanwhile Jennifer Lopez goes on long rambling rants about how great her vagina is, and Justin Bartha sings "Baby Got Back" in mentally handicapped blackface....

Jonah Hex begs the question "Is an 81 minute movie with no plot still a movie?" Starring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, and Michael Fassbender, Hex goes after Quentin Turnbull, the man who murdered his family and scarred his face. Meanwhile Turnbull executes a series of daring raids to assemble a superweapon designed by none-other than famous inventor guy Eli Whitney! Our special guest Pa...

It's Who Framed Roger Rabbit for perverts: 1992's Cool World ! Holli Would (Kim Basinger), a nymphomaniac cartoon character attempts to seduce Jack Deebs (Gabriel Byrne), a hugely popular comic book creator who may be suffering from mental problems. Holli draws Jack into the "cool world," a horrible nightmare world where cartoon characters murder each other all day. Meanwhile Detective Frank Harri...

Stock up on quarters and let's head down to the arcade. It's Uwe Boll's first foray into the video game movie with 2003's House of the Dead . A group of teenage 20-something 30 year olds bribe a cartoonish fisherman (Clint Howard) and a grizzled U-Boat captain (Jürgen Prochnow) into taking them to an island in the Pacific Northwest for the most awesomest daytime rave coastal British Columbia has e...

We prep for this weekend's Pacific Rim with the OTHER non-Japanese live-action robot fighting movie: Stuart Gordon's Robot Jox ! In a post apocalyptic world where war is banned, noted illiterate Achilles (Gary Graham) wows the drunken NASCAR crowd with his elite robot fighting skills against the thinly-veiled Soviet Alexander (Paul Koslo), as they duke it out for precious Alaskan resources. Also t...

Special guest and resident James Bond expert Vincent Goodwin picks one of his most loathed 007 films: 1977's The Spy Who Loved Me . Starring Roger Moore as Bond, and Ringo Starr's coked-out wife Barbara Bach as the porno inspired Agent XXX, this one features the super-ish villain Stromberg as he kidnaps way more nuclear subs than he needs in order to fulfill his lifelong fantasy of a world under t...

M. Night Shyamalan writes and directs this adaptation of the popular Nickelodean show. It has the same skilled writing and energized fight scenes as the show except not at all. It's actually a stilted rushed mess that muddies up the quality of the source material, laden with lazy exposition and non-sensical character mood swings. And everyone mispronounces their own names. Starring the kid from Sl...

The dour looking woman from Men in Black and Dogma (Linda Fiorentino) and David Caruso (YEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!) star in this Joe Eszterhas-penned William Friedkin directed erotic thriller about a detective Assistant District Attorney investigating his ex-girlfriend as a possible murderer. Aside being very well shot, and some really awesome car chases, this leaves something to be desired. The ending is...

Take a ride with Chris and Nick through the streets of Tokyo as 30 year old teenager Sean (Lucas Black) learns the ins and outs of balding his tires with ruthless efficiency in The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift . Bow Wow appears as a normal teenager who deals not drugs and Sonny Chiba classes up this movie about ten fold.

Get ready for some ancient Roman sword and sandal fun! Except for, of course, the 25 minute rape torture dungeon lull in the third act. It's Roger Cormon's Red Sonja ripoff Barbarian Queen ! Starring Phil Spector's murder victim (Lana Clarkson), the Queen embarks on an ill-conceived mission to avenge her village's destruction and rescue her hunky fiance Argan.

Journey with us, gentle listener, as we go back to a simpler time. A more wholesome time. A time before Hollywood had put the Hays Code into force. A time when America looked for a hero to create jobs, put an end to gangsterism, and finally shut down Congress once and for all! In 1933 MGM gave us such a hero in Gabriel Over the White House , the stirring story of a man getting hit on the head and...

A surprising number of good comedic actors star in this big budget squeakeuel. Alvin and the gang send Dave (Jason Lee) to the hospital with what I assume is an irreversible spinal injury, so they go off to high school to complete in some charity concert. Meanwhile their conniving former manager Ian (David Cross) uses his new act the Chipettes, a demographically equal female version of the Chipmun...

Kristin Kreuk and Chris Klein star in this kind of sequel to 1994's Street Fighter . When Chun-Li is given a mysterious scroll, she engages in her own hero's journey to find out if her father is still alive. Or is it defeat Bison? Or clean up the slums of Bangkok? Meanwhile Chris Klein squints his way through his role as an Interpol agent hot on her heels. Or Bison's. Also everyone knows magic.

Molly Ringwald and Ernie Hudson (a.k.a. the black Ghostbuster) star in 1983's 3D Star Wars ripoff bonanza, about a Han Solo type (Peter Strauss) who travels to a desert planet to save some hot earth women from the lecherous Overdog (Michael Ironside). What is absent is a significant amount of hunting in space, and we're not entirely sure how forbidden this zone is. Produced by Ivan Reitman and par...

The movie that made Elizabeth Berkley into a household name and paid Joe Eszterhas three million dollars, Showgirls is a "camp classic," according to its own DVD box cover blurb. What can we say about Showgirls that hasn't already been said? A positive Slant article almost ten years after release called it "essential" and " an honest satire " while Ebert said it was " not quite unredeemably bad ,"...

Charles Bronson plays Batman with a gun in Michael Winner's third installment of the five-part movie series about elderly architect turned vigilante Paul Kersey, who returns to New York to wage war on a 1980s gang of reverse mohawked punks who use overwhelming numbers and unlimited resources to hassle poor old people in an inner-city neighborhood.

Larry Clark ( Kids , Bully ) breaks from his standard "teens do drugs and get in trouble" plot to present a post-apocalyptic wasteland... for teens to do drugs and get in trouble. It's kind of like Battlefield Earth , but cheaper, with worse acting, and 10,000% more recreational drug use.

Palestinian terrorists kidnap the president's daughter and demand that their comrades be set free by the Israeli government. The one man who can stop these maniacs? You guessed it: Frank Stallone!

In our special Christmas Eve episode, Chris, Nick, and special guest Emily Phillips dive in to the garbage pile and pull up this bizarre cut up of a low budget Santa slaying fiasco. After the first film was banned in a number of theaters, the producers wanted to slice up the first movie--about a damaged boy who goes on a revenge killing spree dressed as Santa Claus--into an all new less gory versi...

It's Michael Keaton in perhaps his greatest role: Snow Dad ! I mean, Jack Frost , the title character of the 1998 Warner Bros. family film (not to be confused with the 1997 horror film of the same name) that features CGI snow men, white guy blues music, and an adolescent dealing with his father's tragic death. Fun for the whole family!

Ayn Rand's epic 1,168 page fetishization of capitalism finally comes to the big screen. It's 2016 in OBAMA'S AMERICA and Dagny Taggart (Taylor Shilling) tries to competently run her railroad while drooling liberal strawmen attempt to stop her at every turn. Meanwhile a mysterious John Galt (Paul Johannson) kidnaps (and possibly murders) middle managers around the country.

Faye Dunaway and Peter O'Toole star in this 80s box office bomb. Kara Zor-El (Helen Slater) escapes the lost Kryptonian Argo City to retrieve the precious power source which she carelessly sucked out of the airlock. She emerges on earth as Supergirl, where she is pursued by hunks, an evil witch, and Lois Lane's teenage sister who kind of resembles Rachel Dratch.

Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery return in this much despised sequel to the Queen soundtracked 1986 movie. This time around MacLeod (Lambert) is an old mortal man with an elderly Jewish woman's voice, and Ramirez (Connery) is back from the dead, destined to destroy the giant shield around the earth and kill the needlessly evil General Katana (Michael Ironside).