Your Stupid Minds

Your Stupid Minds reviews SCARY MOVIES throughout October, so cover your eyes and prepare yourself for the spookiest jump scares and bloodless murders that the MPAA will allow at this particular rating threshhold. It’s Rupert Wainwright’s dull remake of John Carpenter’s somewhat flawed The Fog , but instead of early 80s suspense it’s a mid-2000s Trajan-fonted teen slasher! Nick Castle ( Smallville...

Your Stupid Minds reviews a poorly titled action thriller In the Blood , starring former MMA standout turned action movie heroine Gina Carano. Join us as we discuss the long-awaited return of Danny Trejo, after literally three episodes without an appearance. Carano marries a bland, blonde, handsome son of a rich businessman (Treat Williams), and after he is kidnapped during a bizarrely intricate p...

We go back to our B movie roots with an independent sci-fi monster flick shot right here in the heart of Austin, Texas: 1985’s Future-Kill . Despite its ultra low budget and muddy cinematography, the filmmakers somehow convinced famed surrealist artist H.R. Giger to create the poster image, which is far and away a hundred times better than anything in the actual movie. Giger’s rendering of the mai...

The sequel everyone in 1989 had been demanding (it actually knocked Rain Man off the top of the box office charts), it's The Fly II ! Featuring... one guy from the previous film, and some video footage of Jeff Goldblum as the Fly on VHS. When Geena Davis's character from the original film dies in childbirth, evil businessman/science enthusiast Anton Bartok (Lee Richardson), has the baby raised in...

We continue our theme of “Unnecessary Sequels Readily Available on Netflix Which Involve Immortality, Resurrection, and Christian-motifed Revenge Plots” to bring you our second reviewed Highlander movie: Highlander: Endgame ! Wiping away all memories of Highlander II: The Quickening , Endgame brings in the star of the Highlander television series Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) as he carries the torc...

Your Stupid Minds continues its summer sequels series (once you do three in a row it's a series) with the fourth and final Crow movie made as of 2014: The Crow: Wicked Prayer ! When tiny scumbag Jimmy Cuervo (Edward Furlong) is murdered by an all star team of Satanists, Cuervo is transformed by a magic crow into an instrument of embarrassingly dressed vengeance. Can pre-teen mall goth Crow overcom...

We continue our ongoing Ayn Rand series with Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike . Many of you may remember us waxing political in our episode of the first installment, and by this point we stop perpetuating a New Criticism analysis and just dig right in to all aspects of the source material, especially authorial intent. For some inexplicable reason, the filmmakers completely recast everyone, replacing...

In honor of World Cup fever, we review the most ludicrous, vaguely soccer themed movie we could find. Air Bud returns (without the original Buddy) for the third installment of the franchise: Air Bud: World Pup ! Buddy and a kid who looks like Simon from 7th Heaven  (Kevin Zegers) join the school’s new soccer team to impress their respective beaus: a fake British girl Emma (Brittany Paige Bouck), a...

This time around on the Your Stupid Minds podcast we present Episode 0: the secret lost podcast pilot. We originally recorded Lucky Number Slevin as our first episode back in February 2012, but ended up recording a WHOPPING 35 minutes instead of the 20 we were originally going for, so we shelved this one for a rainy day. One of our most loathed movies, Lucky Number Slevin tells the needlessly comp...

It's summer, and that means it's time for big budget blockbusters! Blockbusters like Godzilla vs. Hedorah , the overtly environmentalist smash hit kaiju film of 1971! Complete with jaunty gunslinger Godzilla, psychedelic hallucinations and dancing skeletons, and a drug-addled monster that feeds on pollution. Join us as we discuss the acting ability of a six year old, and wonder whether exposure to...

  We return to our vague association with Kurt Wimmer and his 1996 revenge action film One Tough Bastard . Sort of like The Crow meets Hard to Kill , OTB (also called One Man’s Justice ) stars action star and washed out first round draft pick Brian Bosworth as his ex-wife and daughter are needlessly murdered by Marcus (Jeff Kober, resembling a C-Team Josh Brolin), the worst drug dealer in the worl...

Journey with us, listener, back into the days before Jesus banned magic, back when crossbows and saddles were common. Journey with us to the land of the 1987 Conan rip-off, The Barbarians ! Because what's better than one enormously buff dude with poor enunciation? TWO identical buff dudes with poor enunciation! Peter and David Paul, aka the Barbarian Brothers, make their debut!

Pull on your cowboy boots and strap on your six-shooter, we’re going western this time around with Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Joan Severance, and Rip Torn in the nonsensically titled Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind.  When Texas Ranger Rip Metcalf’s (played by Kristofferson, not Rip Torn) colleague and friend Captain Jack Parsons (who is  played by Rip Torn) is accused of murder, it’s...

Your Stupid Minds celebrates its FIFTIETH episode. In keeping with our status as a cutting edge resource for all things camp, cult, genre, b, and otherwise considered bad movies, we went on a special podcast field trip to the Alamo Drafthouse for a special midnight screening of the newest entry into the bad movie canon: Fateful Findings ! Las Vegas filmmaker Neil Breen brings us his supernatural h...

Music video director Joseph Kahn directs Torque , a high octane action extravaganza starring Ice Cube, Adam Scott, Jaime Pressly, and Brad Pitt (lookalike Martin Henderson). Just in case you didn’t know this wasn’t from the early 2000s, Kahn is sure to add some Dane Cook, Kid Rock, crappy CGI, and Nickelback to top everything off. Taking place in a presumably post-apocalyptic California run by bik...

Alan Quatermain and Golan-Globus return to the podcast with 1985's King Solomon's Mines!  Richard Chamberlin, Sharon Stone, and John Rhys-Davies star in this low-budget ripoff of Raiders of the Lost Ark . Alan Quatermain and Jesse Huston must traipse across the African continent to rescue her repeatedly beaten elderly father, who's been kidnapped by World War I era Germans (NOT Nazis) so he can di...

It's your favorite secret lesbian romcom spy movie, 2004's  D.E.B.S. ! About a foursome of teenage superspies recruited through the SAT and whose personalities are dictated by skirt length.  D.E.B.S.  looks like your run-of-the-mill pre-teen romp, but it may actually belong in the LGBT section of your local movie rental store which may or may not exist in your town.   Lucy Diamond ( Fast & Furious...

Your Stupid Minds makes its triumphant return to the "family" genre with another talking dog movie in the spirit of our Cool Dog episode: it's Bailey's Billion$ ! Jon Lovitz plays Bailey, a talking dog that only Theo Maxwell (Dean Cain, Lois and Clark:The New Adventures of Superman ) can understand. Can Bailey help Theo set up a triple love connection between Bailey and another dog, Theo and beaut...

Travel back with us as we appreciate 25 things that only 90s kids will get: all of which take place in the movie Generation X ! A mere four short years before Fox's breakout hit X-Men (nearly 300 million worldwide), came Generation X (0 dollars worldwide), the final Marvel film made by New World Pictures, the former owners of Marvel Comics and the studio that gave us The Punisher , Captain America...

Our first foray into the pudgy ponytailed Judo master Steven Seagal, it’s one of his earliest films: Hard to Kill ! Mason Storm is the greatest cop in the world, fantastic father, amazing lover, and extremely well hung. When he’s gunned down by the mob while having hot sex with his gorgeous wife, he’s in a coma for seven years and misses the transition of one (1) president. He awakens in 1990 to f...

From the studio that brought you the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it's the vastly inferior fantasy tale Dungeons & Dragons ! Taking a cue from Star Wars (by which we mean ripped off wholesale), D&D tells the story of the thief Ridley (Justin Whalen) and his cowardly black stereotype friend Snails (Marlon Wayans). The pair teams up with a mage, dwarf, and elf to get a map to acquire the jewel to get...

If you enjoy  Pulp Fiction , you'll love our latest review:  American Strays ! It's a movie that feels like a grad school writing project written the day after watching Pulp Fiction! Like Pulp Fiction, it features an all-star ensemble cast, as Eric Roberts ( DOA , The Expendables ), Sam Jones ( Flash Gordon ), Luke Perry ( 90210 ), John Savage ( The Godfather Part 3 ), Scott Plank (recurring on Me...

We finally cover the much maligned, needlessly complex, and American-ified The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen starring Sean Connery in his last big-screen role. Sloppily adapted from an Alan Moore comic, LXG as Moore would not want to call it is about a group of British literary characters who form the first super team at the end of the 19th century. Allan Quatermain, Mina Harker, Dorian Gray,...

You WILL get fooled again… with another vampire episode before we finish out October. It's the exploitation direct-to-Showtime comic book adaptation, 1996's Vampirella . On the planet Drakulon, featuring a race of alien Vampires that drinks rivers of blood, Vampirella (Talisa Soto, a.k.a. Kitana from Mortal Kombat ) travels to earth to avenge her father's murder by the puffy-shirted Vlad (Roger Da...

Dario Argento returns with his unique take on the well-traversed Dracula story... but this time in 3D! Daughter Asia Argento and Rutger Hauer get in on the fun as we explore the wonders of CGI wolves, horrible French accents, poorly-designed jails, nudity, partially rendered computer animation, and giant killer praying mantises. Everything you remember from Bram Stoker's seminal work! The always h...