Your Stupid Minds

Patrick Regan returns to Your Stupid Minds after his appearance in Jonah Hex (both the episode and the movie) to help us review Universal’s 2010 flop The Wolfman (back when Universal used to make flops). This episode is part of our de facto ghoulish Halloween theme, when we review some scary movies in October and then go back to other things. Lawrence Talbot (played by the excessively British Beni...

Your Stupid Minds returns to 1990s children’s movies with Disney’s Blank Check ! Featuring threats of murder, smoking, horrible parenting, potential statutory rape, and Michael Lerner. Twelve year old Preston Waters (Brian Bonsall) has it rough. He never has enough tokens for the roller coasters at Fiesta Texas, his parents don’t respect him, and his annoying brothers are allowed to set up a home...

Based on the 1990s flight simulator computer game (and not Space Invaders),  Wing Commander is a modestly budgeted space opera set before an impending alien invasion. Starring Freddie Prinze Jr., Saffron Burrows, Matthew Lillard, Jürgen Prochnow, and Malcolm McDowell replacement David Warner, the film is largely a Star Wars ripoff injected with overt references to Star Trek , Das Boot , Battlestar...

The summer ninja series has come to a close. We now return to our regular pre-May programming with a Your Stupid Minds mainstay: a movie with a basketball player! Dennis Rodman stars in arguably the worst of his two action movie vehicles: Simon Sez . Fresh off the heels of Double Team starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Mickey Rourke, Rodman returns to (or remains in) France to make this action spy...

Your Stupid Minds finishes off the summer ninja series with a ninja movie of the teenage mutant turtle variety: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III ! Our heroes in a half shell (or full shell, if you want to be accurate) return for their final non Michael Bay film appearance. When a magical lantern transports April (Paige Turco) back in time to 17th century feudal Japan (and the prince Kenshin takes...

More ninja movies! The post-production company Big Boss Creative wanted to break into the lucrative direct-to-DVD racket, so they asked distributors what they wanted to sell. Their questions were answered with the mixed bag of “ninjas,” “post-apocalypse,” “zombies,” and “The Warriors,” so they slapped all of those ideas together into an 82 page script, added some cheap After Effects CGI, and made...

More ninja movies on Your Stupid Minds! This time we attempted to find an underwhelming movie to put an end to this ninja episode massacre. We thought we had a perfect candidate with 1995’s The Hunted starring Christopher Lambert in his first non-Highlander movie on YSM. As it turns out, this movie is great! Paul Richie (Lambert) travels to Nagoya Japan on business and has a lovely date with Kirin...

Another ninja movie! This time with actual ninjas and not some snot-nosed kids, it’s the Cannon Group’s Ninja III: The Domination ! Offering little to no continuity to its predecessors Enter the Ninja and Revenge of the Ninja , Ninja III involves a headstrong telephone company employee/aerobics instructor Christie (Lucinda Dickey) possessed by the ghost of a mystical ninja who recently went on a c...

Your Stupid Minds continues its unofficial ninja theme with a film that, despite having “Ninja” in the title, essentially has karate action masquerading as ninjutsu. 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up is the third film in the 3 Ninjas franchise and contains all of the original cast members! Shot almost concurrently with the first film, before a legal dispute forced the producers to shelve it and recast two of th...

It’s a long time coming for this Your Stupid Minds Essential Viewing List (YSMEVL), but we finally got around to reviewing 1987’s resurrected martial arts masterpiece, Miami Connection starring Orlando’s own native-by-transplant son, taekwondo master instructor Y.K. Kim. The film received a second life when Alamo Drafthouse programmer Zack Carlson made a $50 eBay bid on a lark for the 35mm print....

Your Stupids Minds attempts to right the wrongs of the past by finally reviewing one of our favorite bad movies, 1991’s macho martial arts masterpiece Showdown in Little Tokyo . Running at a brisk 79 minutes and starring YSM favorite Dolph Lundgren ( Rocky IV , Masters of the Universe , In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds ), as well as Brandon Lee ( The Crow ), Tia Carrere ( Wayne’s World ) and...

On the heels of Free Comic Book Day and the release of the new Avengers movie, here's a comic movie most people barely remember: Elektra ! When fearless assassin Elektra (Jennifer Garner) is tasked with assassinating a hunky father and his middle-school-aged daughter, will she be able to carry out the assignment, or will she wuss out? And what will she do when the Hand calls in a hit squad led by...

This week, YSM tackles the truly bizarre buddy cop/talking dinosaur movie Theodore Rex . Join us as we wonder whether writer/director Jonathan Betuel got an uncredited plot assist from his four-year-old nephew Tommy and whether Theodore Rex is the most annoying 90s “poochie” protagonist we’ve ever covered. In the near-future, human-sized dinosaurs have been brought back by an eccentric German scie...

Though we didn't know when we picked this movie that an actual maniac cop would dominate the recent news, it's apropos enough that our episode this time around is Maniac Cop 2 starring the late, great Robert Z'Dar. After hero cop Matthew Cordell (Z'Dar) is murdered by some corrupt police officers, he comes back as a super strong brain dead zombie cop who kills other cops. When Jack Forrest (Bruce...

Your Stupid Minds continues its series on "children's movies no one has ever seen involving talking/hyper intelligent pets" with the somewhat Wishbone ripoff How I Saved the President (or The Undercover Kid ). Precocious kid Max Anderson (Bradley Pierce) is in a stifling home environment, which he copes with by talking to his cat Nellie (Victoria Jackson) and Jack Russell Terrier Bo (played by Rob...

After a month of reviewing big budget sequels starring some of our favorite actors, we at Your Stupid Minds decided to scale back to a nice zero-budget drama written, directed, and starring one of our favorite auteurs. Yes, we return to Neil Breen, the writer/director/producer/star/visionary behind Fateful Findings , one of our favorite movies of last year (yes, we know it technically came out in...

It’s our follow-up to “Academy Award nominees appearing in cash-grab sequels,” as we follow Batman Returns with The Lost World: Jurassic Park , featuring Academy Award Nominee Julianne Moore! Several years after the events of the first film, the almost unrecognizable Dr. Ian Malcolm heads to a second, “lost” island where the dinosaurs have flourished in isolation to find Sarah (Moore), his dino ex...

Your Stupid Minds returns to the well of goofy comic book movies; this time, it's that movie that you never think about but remember being sort of good: Batman Returns ! It's the Ghostbusters 2 of a new generation! It's also the return of Academy Award favorite Michael Keaton to the podcast. Was his performance in Birdman better than Jack Frost ? You tell us! Join Chris, Nick, and returning guest...

Your Stupid Minds finally finishes the epic Ayn Rand film trilogy with our podcast review of Atlas Shrugged Part III: Who Is John Galt? Two box office bombs weren’t going to stop the producers of Atlas Shrugged, so after a Kickstarter campaign and a second complete recast, the series is finally complete. Hear our reviews of Part I  and Part II  for a more holistic experience. After Dagny Taggart (...

  Happy New Year from Your Stupid Minds! We start off the new year right with a return to Slam Dunk Fun! This time we have Freaky Friday meets Like Mike meets that part in Space Jam when all the superstars lose their basketball abilities: 2012’s Thunderstruck starring NBA all-star Kevin Durant! A 16 year old basketball fan (who acts 10) is comically terrible at basketball, and after an exchange wi...

Your Stupid Minds returns from a brief hiatus to provide yet another Cannon Group/Golan-Globus movie, this time riding the coattails of the sensational news story of the Legion of Doom vigilante group at R.L. Paschal High School in Fort Worth. Dangerously Close was the low-budget theatrical version released one week before the made-for-TV movie of the same subject, The Brotherhood of Justice , sta...

  Digest the day away with our newest podcast episode: 1996’s The Phantom starring buff tan Billy Zane. Evil 1930s guy Xander Drax (Treat Williams) tries to get three powerful shiny skulls so he can shoot a bunch of people with skull lasers. He enlists the help of secret cult member and all-around goon Quill (James Remar) and perpetually catsuit-clad aviatrix Sala (Catherine Zeta-Jones) to jet set...

After going months without reviewing a Cannon/Golan-Globus film, we finally snapped and watched Link , the story of an ape that doesn't seem to understand when a young Elizabeth Shue isn't interested in him that way. Shue plays Jane (of course), a chimp apologist and student who volunteers to work with Professor Steven Phillip (Terrence Stamp)'s chimps at his remote country estate. She's greeted a...

A special Halloween episode with one of the worst movies we’ve ever reviewed! Have you ever thought “you know, I really like those Leprechaun movies with Warwick Davis, except I wish he couldn’t talk and was a monster instead of a leprechaun”? Well you’re in luck! WWE Studios acquired the franchise, cast dwarf wrestling novelty act Hornswoggle, plastered him all over the marketing materials, and t...

We continue our October scary-movie-a-thon-thing with the terrifying and impossible to alphabetize cyber thriller .com for Murder . Directed by schlock semi-master Nico Mastorakis, this ripoff of Halloween , Psycho , Rear Window , etc. stars Nastassja Kinski ( Cat People ), Nicollette Sheridan (former Michael Bolton paramour), Roger Daltrey ( Vampirella , The Who), and Huey Lewis (of the News). Wh...