Your Stupid Minds

Wolverine is back, baby! Hugh Jackman returns in this origin story for Marvel's favorite character, which lies in the purgatory between X3 's abject awfulness and X-Men: First Class 's complete series reboot. Pulling from the Origins comic, the film completely kajiggers Wolverine's story to make him the hero of and reason for the creation of the X-Men. Also included: bone claws, yelling "NOOOOO" a...

Dolph Lundgren and Uwe Boll collaborate (finally!) in this redundantly titled sequel to Boll's 2007 Lord of the Rings ripoff. This time around Boll directs a dull Army of Darkness ripoff, where Dolph plays an special forces veteran who is sent back in time (and also to another dimension) to defeat the Holy Mother and definitely not the weasel-faced King Raven.

Tom Atkins stars in this 1986 homage to horror and sci fi throughout the ages. A town is beseiged by alien brainslugs, and it's up to Detective Cameron and his college buddy Chris to stop them. Nick also regales everyone with an embarassing story in a movie theater and why he loves everyone, especially the handicapped.

Roger Corman presents this nearly forgotten Fantastic Four adaptation of the early 90s. To this day the movie isn't given a benefit of a proper release and must be acquired through grainy VHS bootlegs.

A loose cannon with a troubled past takes on a nearly impossible mission to rescue the president's daughter in a floating space prison. Starring Guy Pearce, Peter Stormare, and Maggie Grace.

A German Shepherd named Rainy (hereafter referred to as "Cool Dog") is abandoned by his family in New Orleans and makes a cross country trek to New York to reunite (by way of the Colorado Rockies).

Guns, girls, and fast car in Russ Meyer's classic 1965 skin flick. A trio of gogo dancers head out to the desert because of reasons and leave a trail of broken hearts and broken backs.

John Travolta stars in this epic sci-fi flop inspired by the psychology-hating 1,000 page novel of the same name. Chris and Nick discuss the awful cinematography, hammy acting, Razzie's mediocrity, and why John Travolta is the worst.

Paris Hilton stars in a movie so bad that Nick's famous sleep defense mechanism kicked in and he was unable to finish it. That didn't stop the duo from giving it a go. Paris Hilton and famous advertising actor Joel David Moore star in this There's Something About Mary ripoff, where JDM must get through Paris's hideous troll beast of a best friend in order to bag the sex.

Your favorite dragon-based Star Wars ripoff is on the chopping block this fortnight with 2006's Eragon, based on the Chrisopher Paolini novel of the same name based on the fictional blonde kid of the same name. Starring Edward Speleers (Eragon/Luke), Jeremy Irons (Brom/Obi Wan), Garrett Hedlund (Murtagh/Han), Rachel Weisz (Saphira/The Force), and John Malcovich (Galbatorix/The Emperor).

Wrestler John Cena runs like a fat kid with his pants too tight through 12 rounds of impossible Grand Theft Auto-like challenges in order to save his girlfriend from an insane Irish arms dealer. Starring John Cena, Aiden Gillen, and that guy from The Practice.

Chris and Nick investigate the notorious 1986 flop Howard the Duck with discussion of unconvincing special effects, George Lucas's rolodex of dwarves, and duck titties. Starring Lea Thompson, Ed Gale, Tim Robbins, and Jeffrey Jones.

Nick and Chris dig into the 1998 epic spy flop The Avengers, starring Uma Thurman, Ralph Fiennes, Sean Connery, and Eddie Izzard.