Your Inner Child Is An Idiot

Real ants are ugly. With their multiple sets of eyes, alien-like mandibles, and a segmented body perched on spindly legs, they're the stuff of nightmares. And yet, somehow, they have nothing on the ants of Antz .   Thank you to our Patrons for thinking of the colony above themselves, including Jacob Grimm, Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonatho...

Phenomenon is a classic Flowers for Algernon story: except the mouse is Kyra Sedgwick and the flowers are a brain tumor.   Thank you to our telekinetic Patrons, including Jacob Grimm, Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen, Adam R and Kathleen Campagna.   If you'd like to access the extra 90% of your mind like th...

Voldemort vs. Vedder: whoever wins, we lose. In this episode we ponder the philosophical depths of Powder (1995).    Thank you to our telekinetic Patrons, including Jacob Grimm, Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen, Adam R and Kathleen Campagna.   If you'd like to access the full potential of your mind like the...

This week, we look back on a movie that has the bravery to say, "F*ck it, let's blow up the Mir Space Station."   Thank you to our meteoric Patrons, including Jacob Grimm, Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen and Kathleen Campagna.   If you'd like to join them in the YICIAI bunker, please support the podcast at...

Remember that meteor movie?!   No. The other one.   Thank you to our meteoric Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen and Kathleen Campagna. If you'd like to join them in the YICIAI bunker, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/yourinnerchildisanidiot

Finally a movie that does what we all wish we could: push the most hated actor in a generation into a fiery cauldron of magma. SEE YOU IN HELL, TOM HANKS.   Thank you to our self-sacrificing Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen and Kathleen Campagna. If you'd like to give yourself to the angr...

Volcano (1997) features rough-hewn, weathered, craggy, stone-faced, stoic, hardened... ....siiiiigh...   You already got the joke, right? We're talking about Tommy Lee Jones.   Thank you to our magmatic Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen and Kathleen Campagna. If you'd like to narrowly esca...

Have you ever watched a disaster movie and wished YOU were the intransigent grandmother in the boiling lake of acid? This week, Dante's Peak!   Thank you to our magmatic Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day, Karen Curd, Jeremy Powlen and Kathleen Campagna. If you'd like to narrowly escape the clutches of a pyroclastic...

"IT'S A STIMPEED!"   Thank you to our feral Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day and Karen Curd. If you'd like to get trapped inside a magical jungle board game for a couple of decades like them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/yourinnerchildisanidiot

What if Hot Topic was a movie? This week, The Nightmare Before Christmas!    Thank you to our ghoulish Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day and Karen Curd. If you'd like to conflate holidays like them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/yourinnerchildisanidiot

This holiday season, it's important to remember the true meaning of Christmas: letting a man die of a spinal injury in the snow after you steal his clothes and transportation.   Thank you to our rosy-cheeked Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter, Jonathon Day and Karen Curd. If you'd like to be nice and not naughty like them, please...

The closest thing to a Thanksgiving movie we could find was Addams Family Values , a movie about a Halloween-y family going to summer camp.   Thank you to our ghoulish Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter and Jonathon Day. If you'd like to be performatively macabre along with them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/y...

In 1988, Nintendo released a game that finally let you play as Mario, Luigi, Toa...   Look, let's not play around here. You played as the Princess from 1-1 to 7-2. You can't lie to us.   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson, Kristin Carter and Jonathon Day. If you'd like to be super and warp to World 7 along with them, please suppo...

Two servants stop a rapist cult leader scientist who is holding two innocent people hostage in a dank castle AND THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE BAD GUYS . This week: The Rocky Horror Picture Show .   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day. If you'd like to Time Warp along with them, please support the podcast at https://...

A story of a pig who wanted to be a sheepdog and a man *chokes* a man who *sobs audibly*   That'll do Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day. That'll do. If you'd like to "baa ram ewe" along with them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/yourinnerchildisanidiot

Join Damon and DJ as they explore the strange, shoulder pad-dominated world of the 80s. How very.   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to haul your ass into the caf, pronto, along with them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/yourinnerchildisanidiot

Physically unappealing characters plod through a washed-out apocalyptic wasteland in The Land Before Time, the movie that you watched at numerous sleepovers at that one really religious friend's house.   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to follow the Tree Star to the Great Valle...

Today, DJ and Damon bravely debate where exactly the Danger Zone lies. Modern day Iraq? The Fertile Crescent? Or (as one religion posits) Jackson County, Missouri?   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to ride into the Danger Zone along with them, please support the podcast at http...

You ever see Michael Madsen sleepwalk? You want to? This week: Free Willy!   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to hold us like the River Jordan along with them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/yourinnerchildisanidiot

You can mock it, but this movie did a lot to raise awareness of facial removal surgery. This week: Face/Off!   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Amy Parman, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to participate in the slo-mo gunfight of patronage along with them, please support the podcast at https://patreon.com/youri...

Y'know that feeling in a horror movie when she goes upstairs and you yell, "No! He's up there!!!"? Well, replace "goes upstairs" with "trusts white colonists" and replace "He's up there" with "He's going to kill you, enslave you and force your progeny onto reservations" and add a cute raccoon. Boom: Pocahontas!   Thank you to our Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs...

Sometimes -- and I think we all know this -- you just need a hotshot lawyer with a DUI who hates kids to turn your rag-tag peewee hockey team around. Damon and DJ watch The Mighty Ducks.   Thank you to our All-Star Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Amy Parman, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to get in flying-v formation with th...

We tried to get DJ to participate in this conversation, but he just kept standing in the corner doing the Hundred Hand Slap and saying "Can't you do better than that?" over and over. It was really frustrating.    Thank you to our True Champion Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Amy Parman, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to hado...

Teenagers with attitudes.   Interdimensional beings that were in the mood. Don't just stand there; let's get to it. Strike a pose there's nothing to it: morph.   Thank you to our locked and loaded Patrons, including Larissa Maestro, Dan McIntyre, Ghost in the Burbs, Amy Parman, Joshua Nicholson and Jonathan Day for supporting us. If you'd like to be radical Megazords like them, please support us a...

Any one could have said, "I've never seen that. I've never seen someone drive their garbage to the curb, then bang the hell out of it with a stick. I've never seen that," but only Tom Hanks could make "I've never seen that. I've never seen someone drive their garbage to the curb, then bang the hell out of it with a stick. I've never seen that" funny. This week, The 'Burbs.     Thank you to our Pat...