You Love & You Learn Podcast

A lot of times in our relationships, it’s easy to look at our partner and notice all the things they could be doing better. “It’s you, not me.” What’s not-so-easy is taking the time to understand how our own beliefs, patterns, and past experiences contribute to the dynamic. “It’s not you, it’s me.” In this episode, I sat down with a past private coaching client of mine who used to hyper-focus on a...

If our sex life doesn’t match the steamy scenes from the movies, it can bring up a lot of anxiety: “am I with the right partner sexually?” “are we having enough sex?” “is our sex passionate enough?” etc. And the ironic part is that all the pressure we place on ourselves and our sex life to be amazing can create the opposite outcome—feeling distracted and disconnected. In this episode what I wish I...

In this episode, I talk with Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT, about 5 relationship rules that changed her life. She’s been married for 20 years and has so much wisdom to share.   Here’s a sneak peek at the 5 life-changing relationship rules: 1. It is not your job or my job to manage our family’s emotions. 2. It is not your job to please the people you are in a relationship with. 3. They are allowed t...

“Do I stay or go?” “How do I know if a relationship is worth saving?” These are not-so-simple questions to answer, and can cause a lot of discomfort because of the uncertainty they drum up.    In this episode, I explore three ways to reflect on these questions (not to get 100% certainty, but to get curious about how you think and feel); Are you looking for permission to stay or go? Are y...

Have you ever wondered if you and your partner are too different? Too many personality clashes? “How will this ever work?”   In today’s episode I explore why personality differences can feel so threatening and challenging, some reframes about personality differences to help you see them in a new light, and give strategies to navigate personality differences with more acceptance.   ...

Long distance relationships can be very challenging, especially if you’re getting pressure from external sources. “When are you going to be living together?” “Are you sure you’re not wasting your time?” “You should only do long distance if you have an end-date in sight”   In this conversation I talk to Hannah Frewin of @healingwithhan__ about the ups and downs of long distance and how she wen...

Have you ever been jealous (or extremely jealous) of your partner’s past? Perhaps you’ve ruminated on their ex’s, asked them questions about their past, or felt like you can’t compare to people they’ve dated or been with intimately. This experience is a little something called retroactive jealousy (RJ), and I’m excited to bring on Eva Thompson who helps people overcome retroactive jealousy and get...

Do you tend to compare your relationship to others a lot? Does it make you feel like your relationship isn’t up to par? I’m right there with ya—comparison is something I’ve had a hard time with for most of my life. AND, it’s also something I’ve really worked on in the last few years and I’ve been able to see improvements in. In this episode I dive into why comparison happens, what type of person i...

In this episode, I sit down with Robert James, an OCD & anxiety coach who having spent years struggling with OCD, finally learned to overcome & now helps others to do the same. We talked all about what it means to “lean into discomfort” in our journey to navigate relationship OCD and relationship anxiety (or general OCD and anxiety). Relationships bring up uncomfortable emotions at times,...

Do you ever worry that other people will discover that your relationship isn’t as shiny and perfect as they think it is? Or that you’ll somehow be exposed for experiencing relationship anxiety? In this episode I’m responding to a You Love and You Learn community submission where someone shared they have a fear that “even though I am confident and content with my partner and relationship, someone e...

In this episode I got to sit down with Amanda Armstrong who is a neuroscience and trauma-informed anxiety & depression coach. Amanda helped share more about how to understand our and our partner’s default survival responses, which play a HUGE role in how we show up in our relationships. We talked about: what a default survival response is and how it affects our life how our default survival re...

One of the most challenging things to practice in relationships (and life) is releasing control of things that are not in our control. And one thing that is most definitely not in our control is our partner (or any other human), though there are many times where we end up unintentionally trying to control them.   This may not be intentional, but it’s something that can wear down a relationshi...

In this solo episode I’m sharing 7 reflections that have come up (or revisited my consciousness) over the last few months since moving home from Sweden with Nate. This is me pulling the curtain back and sharing some behind-the-scenes of how my life and relationship have looked in this transitional time. My hope is it helps you feel less alone as you navigate the inevitable ebbs and flows of your r...

Should you tell your partner about your relationship anxiety? If so, how? I’m often asked questions like: "How much should you disclose about your relationship anxiety to your partner to avoid making them feel bad or scared?" Today I’m answering that question and telling you: 3 things to consider before going to your partner about your anxiety 3 things to consider if you do decide to have a conver...

In this week’s episode I got to sit down with a married couple who each experienced their own versions of relationship anxiety and are now married for 4+ years. Joy is a licensed marriage and family therapist/relationship coach, and Mathieu is a relationship coach, and i   n this conversation we address a common question in the relationship anxiety space - the question of “Is God/The Universe...

I sat down with Mallory, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and 1/2 of @makemarriagework to talk about what it takes to make a relationship work. We cover: What skills are helpful to resolve conflicts Is conflict in a relationship bad? How do we shift our perspective of it? What repairing disagreements looks like in real-time What it means to stay emotionally in-tune with our partners Tips...

Very grateful to bring you another conversation with a private coaching client of mine, Christine. These conversations are so important for me because I want to peel back the curtain of others who experience relationship anxiety/ROCD to show you that you’re not alone and that you don’t have to suffer for the rest of your life, Here’s what we talk about in this episode: Christine’s journey with rel...

Welcome back for part 2 of this 2-part series on perfectionism in our relationships. Be sure to check out episode #42 before diving into this one! In this episode I share 7 ways to reduce perfectionism in our relationships.  Sneak peek: Notice when perfectionism shows up in your relationship and life and what the effects are Come up with a meaningful “why” to grow or change Practice self-comp...

Do you often feel disappointed in your relationship (or life) when things don’t go how you expect they will? Do you have very specific ideas of how your relationship (and life) “should” feel or look, and worry that anything different means it’s “wrong?” In this episode I share what perfectionism and Perfect Moment Syndrome (coined by author Sarah Wilson) are and how they affect our relationships....

I’m SO excited to bring you this conversation with Alexis, a past private coaching client. We worked together almost 3 years ago, and yet Alexis continues to use tools and practices from our work to this day. Learning to show up in your relationship in a more grounded way is possible, and I wanted you to hear from someone who’s experienced relationship anxiety and learned how to navigate it in a m...

In this special guest interview episode, I join actor and YouTube host Kate Easton for a conversation about relationship anxiety. She interviews me and we talk about: How to set boundaries with our partner if they’re showing up in a way that makes us uncomfortable on social media Reminders about comparing our relationship to someone else’s on social media How much should we share about past relati...

Have you ever thought about an ex while in your healthy relationship? (maybe even an ex you’d been in an unhealthy relationship with?) In today’s episode, I sit down with Lindsay O’Brien, a Dating Coach, Breakup Mentor, and Energy Healer who went through her own journey from divorce and narcissistic abuse to appreciating healthy, stable love. We discuss how to take our ex’s off the pedestal to be...

In this episode I answer a question from a You Love and You Learn community member: “you’ve mentioned something along the lines of ‘choosing to be all in and not one foot in, one foot out’ - I find myself feeling one foot out but I’m not sure what to do to feel two feet in. What does it mean to be two feet in? I say it in my head but then I’m not sure I’m choosing so in my actions.” Join October’s...

Have you ever questioned if your relationship is healthy or healthy “enough”? In this conversation with Dr. Molly Burrets we explore: what it means to be in a healthy relationship how to parse out what advice to listen to online when it comes to healthy relationships — we hear so much “this is healthy” or “this is not healthy” — how do we decide? normal things in a relationship that get labeled as...

Strengthening communication, navigating conflict, and deepening connection are 3 important pillars of a healthy relationship. I got the chance to chat with Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman of @meetthefreemans to explore these 3 pillars. In this episode we cover: how Jocelyn and Arron’s different upbringings, communication styles, and ways they responded to emotion affected their relationship how to stren...