You Can't Do That

"'Scenes From A Hat' ass." Shocking no one, Eva, Kelly, and Rave cheered as the Carolina Hurricanes stomped on Vegas (and Carter Hart) to win the Stanley Cup, and became fully Jarv-pilled in the process. Also on the docket: Dylan Larkin, PWHL roster supremacy, and - yep, it's that time again - the combine. This episode was recorded on June 16, 2026. Timecodes: (4:07) Pool Without a Ladder | (9:37)...

"Matt! No!!" Is there a worse Cup Finals matchup for this particular podcast than Vegas vs. Carolina? Kelly, Eva, and Rave give this question the sincere deliberation it deserves…but not before checking in on several more compelling topics, including Team Finland, the Montreal Victoire, and Evgeni Malkin. This episode was recorded on June 2, 2026. Timecodes: (3:06) Summer Camp Catalog | (18:07)&nb...

"Look how muscles he is." The second round of the playoffs has left Rave, Eva, and Kelly perturbed and disappointed tbqh!! Time to choose the lesser of several evils and check in on the relative villainy levels of Jakub Dobeš, John Tortorella, the PWHL's compliment sandwich, and the Canucks' new president(s) of hockey ops. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2026. Timecodes: (3:22) Glory to the W...

"It galls an old bitch." LLOFFS TIME. Eva, Kelly, and Rave eulogize the first-round fallen and make irresponsible predictions about what’s to come in their usual even-handed, well-informed, and anti-Vegas way. Plus: Kelly weighs in on the latest Leafs news from the suffocating darkness of Canucks Corner. This episode was recorded on May 7, 2026. Timecodes: (4:36) Baseball Nickname Generator | (11:...

"Go die with him!" Kelly, Eva, and Rave are serving up some piping hot copium about the retirement or non-retirement of our load-bearing Russian machine. Grab a glass, friends. Also on the docket: dragging the Leafs organization for filth in the public square, reminiscing about our early love for the Avs, and assessing the first-round playoffs matchups based on criteria we made up a second ago. Th...

"Exhausted AND fatigued." Alexander Ovechkin keeps breaking records but he's got more important things to worry about, and so do Rave, Kelly, and Eva. Things like: All our new Caps babies! And CHILIGATE. And organ transplants. This episode was recorded on March 28, 2026.. Timecodes: (5:06) Most Eligible Bachelors of Atchison, Kansas | (16:17) Caps chat | (53:33) Elsewhere in the NHL Buy merch! Sup...

"Don't hang up!!" Eva, Rave, and Kelly have a lot to process about the fact that TWO load-bearing Washington Capitals were traded away for [what feels like] PENNIES on the dollar. Meanwhile, former Capital Radko Gudas is enemy #1 of the weary ghost of what used to be the Toronto Leafs. Maybe Ricky Rain Frog can cheer everyone up? This episode was recorded on March 15, 2026. Timecodes: (7:15) Sympa...

"Get PooCrave'd." Of all the dead wives in our motion pictures, Sidney Crosby is the most beautiful and powerful, and Kelly, Eva, and Rave have the funeral wreaths to prove it. But first: the good (PLD is BACK), the bad (the p*wer pl*y, always), and the ugly (Connor McDavid's humiliation ritual). This episode was recorded on March 1, 2026. Timecodes: (3:41) Our Dead Wife Sidney Crosby | (17:45) Ca...

"In-house orgies only." NHL hockey? We don't know her. It's Olympics time. Rave, Eva, and Kelly check in on how women's and men's hockey is progressing in Milan, with digressions on veneers, Hilary Knight's courtship, and Time For Kids (and other icons of the '90s). This episode was recorded on February 15, 2026. Timecodes: (04:26) Olympics women's hockey | (35:32) Olympics men's hockey Buy merch!...

"Mean prudes." Eva, Kelly, and Rave may feel threatened by Nathan MacKinnon’s goal-scoring success but they're not letting it affect their enjoyment of the Caps' [checks notes] TWO consecutive wins last week, the beautiful tear falling down Sidney Crosby's cheek, or William Nylander's indefatigable bitchiness. There are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see, etc. This episode was record...

"Who stole your crown, queen?" This week Kelly, Eva, and Rave explore the Caps' desperate need for a bitchy center, the Oilers' astrological baggage, the Senators' entry into the "unforced error press releases of all time" competition, and other goings-on across our National Hockey League. This episode was recorded on January 18, 2026. Timecodes: (5:32) Oilers astrology | (18:12) Caps chat | (44:5...

"Power forward Miss Piggy." Rave, Eva, and Kelly are ready to build back better this year, first with an apology re: those hockey show twunks, then with well-informed suggestions for NHL and Olympics GMs re: constructing winning teams. Other topics: Justin Sourdif's verve, Auston Matthews' hats, and (sob!) Kelly's Quinnifer Mourning Quorner. This episode was recorded on January 4, 2026. Timecodes:...

"Sending love to Jan." Eva, Rave, and Kelly are gathered in the metaphorical mind basement with bowls of cashews and cigarettes and they're ready to talk hockey, from the Caps' win streak and lengthening injured list to Olympics gossip and general Canucks' agony. Oh, and (of course) (finally) the big gay hockey show. NO, NOT THE NHL, SILLY, the other one. This episode was recorded on December 7, 2...

"Release your birth time." This episode is brought to you by Dylan Strome's third baby, Ethen Frank's singular face, and a blurry cell phone photo of the back of our heads as we enjoy a meal with Tate McRae. Plus: Kelly's grinchy grin for JT Miller, a buncha Connors, and the Thanksgiving Rule. This episode was recorded on November 23, 2025. Timecodes: (2:29) Isekai Title Generator | (8:16) Caps ch...

"You're the unc now." What a delightfully magical and mystical month we're having! Rave, Eva, and Kelly are feeling inspired by Ovi's 900th, the Caps/Pens' long-haul relationship, a terrible "power" play, and Jacob Chychrun's new narrative. Plus: several parades of hockey Halloween costumes, special boys, gay little sweaters, and acute team suffering. This episode was recorded on November 9, 2025....

"Living rent-free in your prison restaurant." We can't all be Judi Jupiter bewitching young hockeys with our chaotic vibes for the purposes of content creation, but gosh darn it, Eva, Kelly, and Rave are gonna keep trying. Up for discussion: a foiled goalie fight, a beast named Tusky, a stubborn curse, and Geno supremacy. This episode was recorded on October 26, 2025. Timecodes: (3:19) Kentucky Ho...

"It's all just fine and NOT lies." WE'RE BACK. Kelly, Eva, and Rave have gathered 'round the mics to talk hockey once again and there's much to discuss, including Mitch Marner to VGK, Connor McDavid's hot poly summer, and the Washington Capitals' perma-bad power play. Plus: A tasteful and unbiased assessment of team jersey design updates. This episode was recorded on October 13, 2025. Timecodes: (...

We’re about to start YCDT’s ninth hockey season and we’re feeling prettttty confident about what we're bringing to the table. See you soon, nerds. [Producers’ note: Ignore the hosts! Tell your friends!]

"A creature-shaped hole." Eva, Kelly, and Rave wrap up the '24-'25 NHL season by appreciating the narrative-free grit of the Florida Panthers, the charisma uniqueness nerve and talent of Flyers GM Danny Briere, and the many funny trades and goings-on in between. This episode was recorded on June 23, 2025. Timecodes: (4:10) Ol’ What’s His Name | (11:11) Congrats, Cats | (38:35) Caps chat | (41:53)...

"Rat accrual." After a couple crucial Caps updates, Kelly, Rave, and Eva pour one out for our dead Dallas Stars (and say sayonara to goalie mistreater Pete DeBoer), have an unexpectedly heated discussion about the handshake line, celebrate the Brad Marchand of it all as Florida takes on Edmonton again, and pull a few tarot cards to see what we're in for. This episode was recorded on June 8, 2025....

"Tragedy of the Mitch commons." As Round 2 fades fast from our short-term memories, Rave, Eva, and Kelly take the collective temperature about the Caps lowkey crash-out, crack open the rich tome of of The Maple Leafs' Whole Deal to analyze some themes, and hitch wagons to their preferred steed as we sally forth to the conference finals. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2025. Timecodes: (3:01)...

"The art of deception and pageantry." Round 1? She's done. Finished. Eva, Kelly, and Rave bid the eliminated teams a respectful farewell, weigh in on various and sundry shenanigans that occurred throughout, and look Round 2 right in the eye. Plus: The only person more desperate than Jim Rutherford to talk aloud in public about the Canucks right now is Kelly lol. This episode was recorded on May 5,...

"They stupidassbitch'd this." IT'S PLAYOFFS TIIIIIIME and Kelly, Eva, and Rave are doing FINE! THANK YOU FOR ASKING!! This one's a little all over the place as we check in on the Caps vs. the ghosts of 2010, the ongoing failures of the Vancouver Canucks, the triumphant return of Gabe Landeskog, our end-of-season awards recipients, and much much more. This episode was recorded on April 19, 2025. Ti...

"Euthanasia like a horse." We weren't supposed to record this week but, welp, he did it. By "he," we mean Ovi. And by "it," we mean "Finally killed W*yne Gr*tzky." Sorry to that old man. This very special episode was recorded on April 8, 2025. Timecodes: (6:55) Goal #894 | (18:22) Goal #895 Buy merch! Support us on Patreon!

"Taste that pit." Eva checks in with Kelly and Rave about the latest in the world of the Washington Capitals, including some clever losses, some new Chychrun wellness theories, Protas ascendency, the signing of a new boy, and the return of a beloved color commenter. Plus: The Old Slut Playoffs and a farewell to Torts. This episode was recorded on March 31, 2025. Timecodes: (2:29) Nominative Determ...