Xena Warrior Business

We start season 5 off on a high note: Xena and Gabrielle are dead. Anyway, we're doing bible! It's an episode about bible, in a way that only Xena Warrior Princess can give us. Our heroes get caught up in a war between good and evil, and Callisto is there too. Will Chris clarify the meaning of Cultural Christianity, or will Ally have to walk through hell alone, with only the mental image of wheels...

In a time of wrestling gods, brawlers, and rings, the people cried out for a hero... and his name was John Cena! From heel to hero, John Cena and his incredibly thick body have captivated the hearts and minds of kids, bros and wrestling fans alike. Stone Cold Chris Sims and Mixed-Martial Ally watch his iconic I Quit match against JB in an attempt  to better understand basic thuganomics. Follow us...

Flat-earthers beware: Ryan Gosling has entered the chat. Chris and Ally have finally watched some Young Hercules. It had child star turned A-list celeb Ryan Gosling in the titular role, and was the first Renaissance Pictures action pack show that was made both for AND about kids. How does this show compare to the Legendary Journeys, which will no longer be watched or discussed on this podcast? Fin...

As the old saying goes, always the Joxer, never the Xena. Season 4 gave us a lot of talk about reincarnation, so what better way to wrap things up than with some wacky modern reincarnation hijinks! Chris and Ally reflect on clip shows, y2k, and Renee O'Connor's directorial debut! We also get another iconic Xena kiss, in the only way we're allowed to have it. Finally, we ask the questions: if you w...

"I am just so tired of fake friends." -Julius Caesar It's the ides of March, y'all!!! Come for the major historical event, stay for Chris's excellent Callisto impression. Both hosts are torn on how they feel about the Xena Revisionist History, but Ally is happy to let the Shakespeare nerd leap out. Will Julius Caesar crown himself emperor on March 15th???? or will, uh... something else happen inst...

Oh Gabby, we're really in the endgame now! With the Amazons at risk of dying out, Xena kidnaps Brutus to use him against the Roman triumvirate. Meanwhile, Gabrielle has to prove that she's still a fierce leader despite being a pacifist, and a spunky new Amazon warrior shows off her very special hat. We talk about Season 4 Episode 20 of Xena Warrior Princess: ENDGAME. Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWa...

Whodunnit? WHO CARES! It's a real Xena She Wrote in this goofy episode. When a bounty hunter turns up dead, it's up to Xena and the gang to find the murderer before Discord (the goddess of unmoderated teenage chatrooms) drags an innocent to hell instead. This episode's got everything: party boys! bondage jokes! a murder horse! And as we near the end of Season 4, Chris and Ally have two important q...

Chris and Ally survived 2020 exclusively to talk about the Xena episode with one of the best scripts... and some of the dumbest fight stuff in the entire series. Joxer has his first kill, Najara has her second appearance, Gabrielle invents smoke bombs and Rob Tapert pushes the boundaries of the concept of suspending one's disbelief. Also featured in this episode is a chat about the numerous ancien...

It's time to get meta with this one-off episode all about Ancient Greek The Producers. While Xena goes off to take care of a warlord in the next town over, Gabrielle runs into a pair of theater producers, who teach her that you can make more money with a flop than a hit. Now where have we heard that one before...? We talk about Season 4 Episode 17 of Xena Warrior Princess: THE PLAY'S THE THING. Fo...

In this bonus episode, Chris and Ally (aka Carlos Von Dracula and Skye V. Hickle) sift through a sea of broken links to find two more uberfics to read and discuss with you all. Brace yourself for some SMEXY fanfiction.  We read some more Xena Warrior Princess Uber fanfiction! Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by  @barelysushi...

We've finally made it through the the India Arc, which ended just as it began: with wildly graphic dismemberment. This controversial episode inspired anger from Hindu protesters and halfhearted disclaimers from the showrunners. Will Xena give up her warrior ways to protect her karma, or will she finally learn the true meaning of The Way. WITH UNDERSTANDING COMES TOLERANCE. We talk about Season 4 E...

As you know, if you die in Greece, you go to Tartarus. If you die in the Matrix, you die in real life. But if you die in India (noted land of exotic mystery), you get reincarnated. Xena has to face an enemy trying to mess with her karmic reincarnated self! It just makes sense! Come for the best use of a swear word on network television, stay for the in-depth discussion of death as a localized conc...

In search of inner peace, Gabrielle leads Xena to a mystical and exotic land of snake charmers, sword swallowers, and a rainfall of dismembered limbs! We've been dreading this arc for years, but, devi or not, it's finally time to talk about Xena's trip to India. In this episode, Chris and Ally admit to some of their own mistakes while also exploring the mistakes of Xena Warrior Princess, a show th...

Listeners, draw yourself a relaxing bath and tuck yourself into your yin yang bed, because we're finally talking about Paradise Found, an episode that feels like a Star Trek shore leave one shot! Xena and Gabrielle fall down a hole and find themselves in a magical land of ~YOGA~! Gabrielle is looking for inner peace, while Xena's just looking for the exit. Gabrielle is graceful, flexible and stron...

Folks, a tragedy has struck. Pour one out for Gabrielle's good outfit. The green sports bra is no more. Other than that, this episode is a one-off filler Cinderella story with bad wigs for Aphrodite, a possible Marx Brothers deep cut for Ally, and plenty of jokes for Chris to laugh at. See you at the crossroads... Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast o...

This is episode of Xena Warrior Princess where everything about it is... just a little bit worse than it needed to be. It's a rehash of the last Hoarde episode, only this time a blonde, white woman is involved! So... it's different?? I guess? Chris and Ally deal with it, but aren't all that excited about it. Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAIL...

This Patreon-funded bonus episode is actually the pilot episode for Chris and Ally's spinoff show Monkey Business , where they talk about The New Legends of Monkey, a Journey to the West inspired netflix series. As Chris says, it is arguable "the most Xena show since Xena ended." Binge culture was the final nail in the coffin where the syndicated action pack tv show was laid to rest, but New Legen...

Autolycus, Joxer and Meg team up to kidnap a baby, do some hijinks, and steal a priceless treasure, while Chris demonstrates his penchant for acronyms. Meanwhile, Ally is caught off guard by the genuine laugh this episode startled out of her, and a new Patreon goal is introduced. Grab a plate of pickles and some strong cheese, because we're talking about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 10:...

Well, we've got yet another episode where Xena feels bad about her dark past, but this one actually slaps. Xena realizes that she has a copycat warlord following in her footsteps, while Gabrielle struggles with the nature of destiny and the possibility of not being in control of her own life. Chris and Ally also discuss the nature of warlord hats as they pertain to both ancient Greece and America...

As the dreaded India arc looms ever closer, Gabrielle, in a stunning display of being too busy seeing the good in other people to learn from her mistakes, falls in with yet another cult. Chris and Ally humbly ask for an f in the chat for Xena's second best chewing tooth, and also consider getting into the business of feet pics.  We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 8: Crusader Fol...

This fortnight Chris and Ally talk about Locked Up and Tied Down, the horniest name for the least horny episode of Xena Warrior Princess. The show keeps forgetting its stance on murder. Sometimes, it's the worst thing a person could do, while other times it's just a fun thing to joke about while killing time. In any case, this episode says murder is bad, because Xena is arrested for murder, and ju...

No good has ever come from a dance. If you've seen Footloose, you can probably skip this episode of Xena, but don't skip this episode of Xena Warrior Business! Wannabe dictator Shitty Steve is running a dead-end town into the ground, and Tara (arguably one of the worst characters on Xena) wants to help them legalize dancing. The burnin'... The yearnin'... this podcast will change the world of danc...

Maybe she's born with it — maybe it's helmetrey! In these unprecedented times, Chris and Ally find themselves at an impasse, with Chris bemoaning this episode's redundancy while Ally revels in its status as a major turning point. This episode serves to remind us that Julius Caesar is still a threat, and also serves up many set pieces for Karl Urban to chew on. Is stabbing the homies gay? Listen to...

"Within us all there are two Kevin Sorbos. It's terrible." While Xena was dealing with Hope, Hercules was dealing with Dahak. Chris and Ally promised they would never go back to the dark place that is Hercules the Legendary Journeys, but unfortunately, if they want to fully wrap up the Dahak arc, they're going to have to break that promise. Please forgive these humble, mohawked podcasters. Chris a...

Windmills, how do they work? After realizing that Gabrielle is alive, Xena returns to Potidea to find her, but stumbles across a rubber suit monster instead. Classic Raimi vibes are very high in this episode, Chris and Ally partake in an ethical discussion on the subject of linear time, and Lila is there too I guess. We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 4 Episode 3: A Family Affair Follow u...