Xena Warrior Business

That awkward moment when you think you've traveled to a mystical land but actually you just went to Russia... so relatable. In the strangest and most controversial episode to date, Xena proves to have no real agency or autonomy in her own life. Despite telling a very interesting story about Xena's past (back in season 3), the show seems hell-bent on retconning all of it so they can shove Alti into...

We're sorry, Xena, but your Gabby is in another underworld! Season 4 starts off with a weird bang, setting the tone of cultural appropriation that will wreak havoc on the rest of the season. Xena skitches into Amazon heaven to find her dead friend, and instead uncovers the evil plot of a dark figure from her dark past. Aka, tldr, not only was Xena a bloodthirsty warlord hell-bent on world dominati...

We promised Jack, so you get Jack! Chris and Ally discuss episode 2 of Jack of All Trades ( a lesser known action pack show starring Sam Raimi's golden boy, Xena's own Bruce Campbell): Sex and the Single Spy. Now that the status quo has been fully established, the show starts to stretch its legs, doubling down on the Scarlet Pimpernel hijinks and also turning out some very funny jokes, actually. W...

Coming to you live from quarantine, Chris and Ally jump forward to possibly the sickest episode of the entire show. It just felt right. After all the trials and tribulations of Dahak and Hope, it's nice to have a more realistic situation to deal with: Xena's got lice, Gabrielle's got a fungus, and Joxer's radish stew gave them both the shits. This episode was so gross that even Chris, a self procl...

In our last episode of Xena Warrior Princess season 3, Chris and Ally discuss ceiling shields as an architectural staple. Hope has hatched from her cocoon and there is havoc to be wreaked. Also, please congratulate Gabrielle, she's going to be a grandma! Your hosts also give their final thoughts on the third season, which is to say: season 3 is dead, long live season 4! We talk about Xena Warrior...

Please don't be too disaPPOINTED!!!, but Chris and Ally had to watch two more hercules episodes before they could finish season 3 of Xena. Anyway at least you get to learn what a mumfence is, and witness the delivery of one of the most iconic line deliveries in all of television! Season 3, Episode 21.5 is here: THE GOOD EPISODE HOLE. We talk about Hercules the Legendary Journeys, season 4 Episodes...

On this episode of Gourmet Makes, Claire Saffitz attempts to make a human sacrifice to the goddess. As we enter the final arc of Season 3, Chris and Ally are joined by special guest Alex Reulofs ( @AquaMoon1792 ). In a plan to make new-greeceland great again, an army of the ignorant decides to bring on the end of the world by reviving Dakah's daughter... GABRIELLE'S daughter Hope. Hudson Leick is...

In lieu of having to watch and talk about hercules the legendary journey anymore, Chris and Ally decide to skip forward in time into something a little more... revolutionary! Jack of All Trades was a lesser known action pack show, and starred Sam Raimi's golden boy, Xena's own Bruce Campbell. It's the Scarlet Pimpernel/Gilmore Girls mashup that nobody really asked for or remembers, but there's alw...

This episode was just fine, but apparently the creative team involved HATED it. Feast your ears on (the analysis of) a performance that makes Lucy Lawless cringe to this day! Ally and Chris reunite for their first episode of the new year to figure out the difference between stealing, taking and hiding. Plus, Xena almost does some racial profiling! We talk about Xena Warrior Princess, Season 3 Epis...

This episode took Chris's love of Autolycus and Ally's love of boat stuff and SPAT IN OUR FACES. A fuckboy, a toothman and a slave owner walk into a boat. What do you get? A boring, pretty useless episode where the only joy seemed to come from Lucy Lawless sending wet cabbages floating past Renee O'connor. Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR...

Ally is wrist-deep in a bass, and Chris has drowned in his own reflection. In this manic one-off episode, Aphrodite steals the north star and our heroes find themselves OBSESSED with different subjects of extreme inconvenience. Come on, listeners! Let's get wet!!! (Please appreciate our specialness) Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINE...

Despite taking the time to proactively overcome her issues in multiple episodes now, Gabrielle seems to be struggling once again with the memory of her past misdeeds. Enchanted breasts and selective memory loss run rampant in this otherwise tedious clip show, which actually feels quite erotic on paper despite falling short in the execution. Considering what the show still has in store for Gabriell...

Chris and Ally both survived their respective plane rides, so now they get to talk about an episode that is the most dear to us in all the world. It's 'When in Rome,' with stellar costumes, a surprising amount of historical accuracy, and a weird amount of rope bondage, for some reason. You also get Ally's choice Hugo Weaving impression, while Chris spills the tea on one-third of the Roman empire's...

Joxer, aka a "little nothing boy", is beaten within an inch of his life by a shady casino mogul. Sounds like a great set-up for some heist hijinks and absolute tomfoolery! Chris and Ally learn that gambling is bad actually, but more importantly, Ally, like Joxer, gets herself ENTIRELY bamboozled! (it's really embarassing.) Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister...

After the high point that was The Bitter Suite, the decline of Xena Warrior Princess continues with FORGIVENESS, an episode that is almost as bad as the dreadlocks/mullet wig combo that it features. Does forgiveness come from within, or does it come from within one specific urn? Chris finally admits that Gabrielle is blonde (you have to hear it to believe it), and the show itself seems to have eit...

This episode exists, for some reason, but Chris and Ally aren't really sure why. It hits all the emotional beats of a good episode of Xena, but its place in the timeline makes it feel downright vestigial. Also, is it finally time to cancel Hercules? Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by  @barelysushi . The Dan Scrolls by  @dan...

Y'all ready for some Tarot business or what? Xena and Gabrielle's rift has come to a head, things can't possibly get any worse, so the only way out is through. Through SONG, that is! Ally and Chris never dreamed that they'd be distanced by a mutual love and appreciation for THE BITTER SUITE, the iconic musical and very tarot-heavy episode of Xena Warrior Princess. Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarri...

After a slew of wacky hijinks episodes with zany fun and kooky jokes, it's time to get sad. Xena takes us back to uncanny valley, aka centaur hell, and not even Callisto can make this better. The Dan Scroll is bleak, the episode itself is bleak, and, spoiler alert, Ally cries in this one. What a way to spend Chris's birthday! Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sist...

In a totally significant turn of events, Gabrielle finds herself writing her Xena fanfiction on an enchanted scroll! This episode channels some serious Amelia Bedelia energy as absolute hijinks ensue. Outsmarting the monkey's paw of a magic scroll sure is fun to think about, if not incredibly difficult to actually comprehend. Anyway... TO THE CAVES with you! Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz...

Praise Hestia, it's a new episode! If season 2 was the good season, season 3 has got to be the NICE season. This episode gives us 3 Xenas, barely any Gabrielle, and a Joxer that fucks???? I'm sorry. We're still processing it ourselves. Follow us on twitter: @ XenaWarriorBiz  This podcast is the spinoff/sister podcast of SAILOR BUSINESS. Art by  @barelysushi . The Dan Scrolls by  @dancassino . Podc...

In this episode, Ally learns what a bottle episode is, Chris is flummoxed by the beauty of Gina Torres, and the concept of Xena Minus Xena is thoroughly explored. Ally also brings up an important point that she, Chris, and all of you listeners seemed to have overlooked with regard to the nature of the Xena Warrior Princess episode availability. Is Joxer's last name The Mighty? Who's that hanging u...

Put a door around your wife's neck and backhand her across the face, because all is not well in The Debt part 2. Xena's basement is flooded, while Gabrielle's loyalty is not so much questioned as it is very poorly written. Cathy Leamy ( @metrokitty ) returns to scratch Ally and Chris's noses, and everyone finally (FINALLY!!!!!) learns where the term 'warrior princess' comes from! Follow us on twit...

Join Chris and Ally and special guest Cathy Leamy ( @metrokitty ) as they delve into the most sapphic episode of Xena to date. THE DEBT (part 1) sees our heroes travel from New Greeceland to Qin (pronounced Chin), which honestly just looks like a sepia New Greeceland that spilled some Pearl River Mart on itself. Xena is at her absolute surliest, which puts her in the perfect position to learn what...

Dust off your goatees and wear a headband directly across your forehead, because Chris and Ally are talking about the mirrorverse, babey!!! The Hercules: The Legendary Journeys episode called Stranger in a Strange World (season 4, episode 5) features Lucy Lawless as Xena. However, she's not like any Xena we've seen before! With all those "cheap signifiers of harlotry", she's more Xena as Harley Qu...

In the midst of Passover, Easter AND 4/20, Chris and Ally get together to talk about the midst of Renee O'Connor. That is... Gabrielle's abs! Honestly there is just so much talk about fake baby tummies and real washboard tummies, but only because Dahak is apparently AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE RELIGION AND THIS IS TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH. Will something finally come between Xena and Gabrielle? Will Xena bre...