Wisdom of the Wounded

Just Hel p is the title of a children’s book written by one of our Supreme Court justices, Sonia Sotomayor. Although it’s a kid’s book, its message is for all ages. As we approach a new year, Just Help’s message challenges us all to daily find ways to answer the central question of the book: “What will you do today to make the world a better place?” When she was a girl, each day when Sonia woke up...

Do you know an elderly relative or friend and wonder what to give them for Christmas? Here are some holiday gift ideas that are sure to show you care. Elderly people feel the cold more, so a cozy lap blanket, afghan, bed jacket, or a “wearable blanket” like a Snuggie or Comfy would be a good gift. Offer to come by and decorate the Christmas tree.  Bring some goodies and Christmas...

Who can resist freshly baked homemade chocolate chip cookies (or any kind of cookie, for that matter?) How do you like to eat your chocolate chip cookies . . . Warm? With a glass of cold milk? With a cup of coffee? But guess what? You could enjoy those cookies even more if you share some of them with another person. Maybe a friend who is going through a rough time. Consider also giving the person...

Did you know that a person needs at least four hugs a day for healthy survival? Virginia Satir was a pioneering family therapist who is credited with the following quote: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Sometimes we forget the value of human touch. On the way home from a conference, Don Piper’s car was crushed...

Which day of the week is the loneliest day for widows and widowers? Here is what a few grieving spouses have shared with me about feeling lonely. Glenda’s husband was killed in a private plane crash, and she says, “I was completely devastated. It took about fifteen months before I was able to function in a fairly normal capacity without breaking into tears.”  “There was a significant letdown...

Rabbi Hirshel Jaffe, known as “ The Running Rabbi ” says, “For over 20 years as a rabbi, before my illness, I had helped others through crisis. I was supposed to have all the answers. Yet when I got sick, I discovered I didn’t have them. I felt confused, frightened and desperate. My experience with serious illness has made me want to share with you what I’ve learned. When my physicians noticed how...

When Ginger and I collected wisdom stories for our first book, The Compassionate Congregation , we asked individuals to (1) Describe a time when they suffered or grieved, and (2) What did people say or do which helped you during that difficult time?  During our interviews, man in his forties man told me, “A really difficult time was when my dad died.  At the visitation and funeral, lots...

My neighbor Debbie was ill, and I wanted to care for her, but I didn’t know what to do.  It would be so helpful if individuals would just tell me how to help them. But that isn’t always practical, because when someone is ill, it can be difficult for them to make decisions.  What should I do when I don’t know how to help? Here’s how I solved the problem: by sending Debbie a “Multiple Choi...

After suffering two strokes, my mother said to the doctor, “I don’t know why God didn’t just let me die?” The doctor said, “Must be God still has work for you to do.” Mom replied, “I can’t imagine what that would be. I’m no good for anything!”  Then the doctor offered this observation: “It’s your smile. When I walked into this room you smiled the most loving, beautiful smile. I think people r...

The world can seem dark with its news of escalating wars, people starving, friends and family members struggling with cancer , the upcoming presidential election, our nation’s loneliness epidemic and other sad and scary news. Against this bleak backdrop, I read an article in The New York Times written by Catherine Price, “ When the World Feels Dark, Seek Out Delight ” which didn’t dissolve all the...

What can a porcupine teach us about caregiving? In Martin Bell’s book,  The Way of the Wolf , he tells the story about a porcupine who was a misfit in society and had no friends: One day, the porcupine stumbled upon a raccoon who had been shot and was near death. The porcupine remained with the raccoon and heard his sad story.  Then both fell silent.  After a while the raccoon asked, “Are you...

Editor’s note: on July 18, 2024, Emerson’s family posted on their public Facebook page that Emerson succumbed to her cancer and posted this link to her obituary. One summer day on my way home, I passed a lemonade stand, giving it a quick glimpse and a smile thinking “Ah, cute young girls and their little lemonade stands.”   However, later that day when I passed the lemonade s...

Did you know that crying is great for you? Well, I didn’t know that either, but at a caregiving workshop, a nurse told us, “Tears are good for your health.” So, I went home, and I looked it up on Google and found more than 13 reasons that it’s okay to have a good cry. Let me share four of the physical benefits of crying. Tears help us see. They not only lubricate our eyeballs and eyelids, bu...

Did you know that the word “comfort” is derived from a Greek word that means “to come alongside and encourage?” God says, “Go comfort my People” and asks us to walk alongside someone during their times of pain. It’s a profound reminder that true comfort goes beyond mere words. But that’s not always easy, is it? Nicholas Walterstorff, a well-known the...

Dr. Rachel Remen , author of Kitchen Table Wisdom , wrote, “When people are talking . . . listen to what they’re saying.  Care about it. Don’t interrupt.” I clearly remember a situation when I was sharing my distress over my mother’s stroke with a friend. My friend asked, “How are you doing?” And I started to tell her how I was feeling, and she interrupted me and said, “Oh, I understand, my...

I did it again! I just hate it when I forget to do important things. This time I forgot to call my niece on her birthday. She had been feeling alone lately, so it was especially important that I connect with her. But the day came and went, and I just forgot. Do you forget to do important things? We often have good intentions to send that birthday card, make that phone call, or write that note, but...

I wish I could find and talk with a man who was on Flight # DL 2297, Minneapolis to Grand Rapids, Michigan on May 1, 2023.  I want to apologize to him for treating him badly.  It all started when I was in the middle seat and Larry, my husband, was in the window seat.  Then I saw coming down the aisle toward me a very large man.  Perhaps he weighed 300 pounds, and I was thinking...

A note from Karen: I read this story in Chicken Soup for the Soul . Further research indicated that a version of this story originally appeared in The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley.  It is a wonderful story about how each of us can make a difference. Starfish Story A man was walking down a deserted beach at sunset.  As he walked along, he began to see a woman in the distance.  As he grew nearer, h...

A note to readers: when we reach out to care for someone who is suffering, conversations may turn to God. Perhaps you will find wisdom in the following words. May it help you care for others. Confused.  Wondering. Questioning: Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?  How can God be an all-loving God and allow horrific things to happen to individuals and whole groups of pe...

“Encourage one another daily.” (Hebrews 3:13.) When did you last encourage someone? Here’s a story for inspiration.  One summer day my sister and I were walking down the beach in Florida when we noticed at a distance a group of people standing in two lines facing each other. We wondered what they were doing. When we joined them we saw an amazing sight: in the aisle between the rows of s...

One month ago, cancer became up-close and personal. For years, I have listened to individuals tell their cancer stories. I have read volumes of information about cancer. I have prayed for those with cancer. My ministry’s mission is to offer “how-to-help” podcasts and blog posts for those who care for a loved one with cancer.  But on January 17, 2023, cancer became a new reality. No longer cou...

There have been many special presents over the years which I have unwrapped and enjoyed; however, some of my most treasured gifts were not wrapped with paper but spoken to me by individuals who know me and love me – individuals who have: Rejoiced with me when I celebrated and mourned with me when I mourned. (Romans 12:15) Following is a list of some of the cherished words spoken to me: &#822...

I have the following poem by Henry Van Dyke on my refrigerator to remind me each day during Advent to get ready for the Christmas celebration. Are you willing— to stoop down and consider the needs and desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and to ask yourself whether you love them enough; to...

We have a saying in our ministry: “Small acts of kindness can make a big difference.” This is a perfect time to reflect on that saying because November 13 is World Kindness Day.  The next two months will be full of holiday celebrations, which can create a hectic feeling and make us believe we “don’t have the time” to care for others.  As we go about our busy lives, I encourage you to giv...

So far as we know, Jesus’ brothers and sisters were not present at the crucifixion. With one exception, his disciples were no-shows. The people whose sight Jesus had restored, whose bodies he had healed, they weren’t present. But when Jesus looked down from the cross, through a haze of pain, he saw that his mother was there. “Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother…” (John 19:25 KJV) &nbs...