Wisdom of the Wounded

Someone once told me, “If you are with a person who is crying, do not hand them a Kleenex.”  Surprised, I questioned why?  He said, “because that signals to them that you want them to stop crying.” Really?  Please listen to this:  If your friend (or loved one) is crying and their eyes and nose are producing little rivers running down their face, for heaven’s sake please hand th...

Trigger Warning: Mention of intense body image I’ve reached the point where ‘Wow! You look amazing! I can definitely tell you’ve lost weight’ Isn’t a compliment anymore But on the exterior I’m not the type of girl you question So you say “how did you do it” And instead slapping on the reality of the space I’m taking up I simply ‘thank you’ it away At some point smiling through the mornings of ‘I w...

I lied to my daughter. She asked me, while we were standing on the shoreline of the ocean, “What if I get stung by a Man o’ War?” To which I quickly replied, “You won’t”. I wanted her to be brave. I didn’t want her to be afraid or scared of the ocean like I am. I wanted to protect her from the bad things that can happen, the things that sting and hurt. But that’s a lie. Because she could get stung...

Larry and I recently celebrated our 57 th wedding anniversary.  As we sat having breakfast over-looking a beautiful blue ocean with clear blue skies up above, I asked Larry: “What one factor has contributed to our long-term relationship of 57 years?”  He immediately said, “Forbearance.” I was a little shocked.  I expected him to say; “We are best friends,” or “We communicate well,”...

By: Colleen Arnold, MD Pain is a universal experience. Whether it is the temporary hurt of a broken ankle or something more permanent like arthritis, every single human being suffers it at some point in their lives. There is no such thing as a pain-free life this side of heaven. It can be physical, mental, or spiritual, and despite the best work of our health-care providers, it will always be pres...

God tells us, “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man (or woman), and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.”  Leviticus 19:32 Maybe I like this strong directive from God because at this point in my life I am a “gray head.” (More like “white hair” but you get the picture.) I suppose some would call me “old” although Larry and I prefer to think of oursel...

Jesus tells us, “Love your neighbor,” and he does not add, “when you feel like it.” Deanna Thompson is Professor of Religion at Hamline University in St. Paul, Minnesota and has written a book about her journey with Stage IV breast cancer. The title of her book is Hoping for More: Having Cancer, Talking Faith, and Accepting Grace . Jesus tells us, “Love your neighbor,” and he does not add “when yo...

When I visited with my mother in the nursing home I always enjoyed talking with a woman named Susan, who, despite significant physical challenges, always seemed to choose the positive in any given situation. During our meaningful chats, Susan shared wisdom gained from living with limited physical mobility and using a wheelchair. She has the following advice for how to respect those in a nursing ho...

God’s best relationship advice is “Love One Another.”  To the point and simple, right? I’m not proud to admit it, but sometimes that advice is difficult for me to follow. When I don’t know how to handle a situation, I tend to avoid it. So when I’m called to “love” another who looks different (maybe with a lot of tattoos?) or behaves (to my eyes) “strangely,” or has political ideas that differ...

Cole Arthur Riley, author of Black Liturgies writes, “We were made for beauty and truth and goodness.”  During Lent, Christians reflect on the truths of our lives and our world. During these 40 days, I personally acknowledge how I have ignored, hurt, and, at times, rejected God, others, and myself. Then, with Easter comes the promise that I am Forgiven. Worthy. Loved. This is the everyday Goo...

By Chris Marlink Our family was having a rough day. As we sat down to dinner, it was clear that an accumulation of slights, grievances, and careless words left us feeling wounded and angry. When asked what had happened during the day, our children immediately began to prosecute their cases against one another; everyone was deemed “a jerk.” In that moment, were not a family that practices hono...

By Cheryl Edwards-Cannon My mother lived with dementia for more than 15 years. For as long as she was able, I made every effort to take her along with me whenever I did my errands. It was good for her and I truly enjoyed her company. That’s not to say that going out was easy. It required a lot of advance preparation – and a healthy sense of humor! (You really can’t make up some of the stuff that h...

I am a hugger. When the COVID-19 pandemic was in full swing, I missed hugging my grandkids. We know that when seniors and kids connect everyone benefits, so Larry and I got creative with our (safe) socializing. The ideas we came up with like visiting our great-granddaughters with silly signs were necessary during the pandemic, but what’s wonderful is that they’re just as useful for non-pandemic si...

By Sarah My relationship with my grandmother is difficult. While I was growing up, we fought over boundaries and ideas, because we have very differing opinions on the ways of the world.  I would frequently get lectured for the simplest offense. It was like she was talking AT me, not conversing with me. She seemed to carry a lot of anger and as a young person, I wasn’t sure how to respond. So,...

By Lindsay Cherry The year I was in third grade, we were taught to write in cursive. To my young mind, cursive writing was “fancy.” I couldn’t wait to learn to make the fun swoops and dips with my pencil, concentrating, brow furrowed, to get my penmanship “just so.” Little did I know that the simple act of writing a name on a chalkboard would change my life. On the day that we began cursive writin...

Today I am grumpy.  Really grumpy . . . because my list of “I can’ts” seems impossibly long: I can’t walk because my hip hurts, the COVID pandemic has grounded me , I can’t worship with my church family and I can’t lose weight, just to name of few. So today I am grumpy.  I was planning to indulge in an all-day self-centered pity party, but then a small voice gave me two pep-talks, or may...

Did you know that going on a hike with kids is good not only for their physical health, but their emotional well-being too? Larry and I have always been huge fans of hiking. Over the years, we have had opportunities to hike not only with our grandkids, but other young people as well. According to the National Recreation and Park Association, hiking provides benefits to kids including improved self...

Did you know that 61% of Americans report that they are lonely? I recently read about a wonderful program by the AARP called “Friendly Voices.” Volunteers make phone calls to lonely individuals who have requested to hear from someone. In the first few months of the program, which was started during the COVID 19 pandemic to help combat loneliness, over 4,000 people signed up to receive calls. I won...

by Lisa Braunius If you had told me when my husband and I decided to start a family that our journey would take place over six years, I would have laughed an uneasy laugh, leaning towards denial of the truth. Or, I would have questioned whether I wanted to move forward on this journey. As it turns out, both reactions have a place in our story. Dealing with infertility is a complicated, lengthy jou...

When the presidential election returns are counted and a president is named, I wonder: how will people react? Some people will be happy; others will not.  I am concerned that there will be more of what we’ve witnessed this year: chaos, destruction and division.  I have worried.  I have prayed.  I have wondered what I, just one person, can do to promote care and kindness – no ma...

Are you having a bad day? Or perhaps even just a horrendous hour? Here are my favorite ways to release the feelings of being uptight when life gets me down. Any of these ideas are a good way to practice self-care. Name It.  Just the simple act of naming your emotions can help ease fear and worry. Here’s a list of words to help describe what you’re feeling. Breathe . When you are f...

By Carolyn Lowstuter When my husband was fired from his job, it threw us both for a loop. Thankfully, that difficult time is long past. Here are ten things I learned about how to support your spouse after a layoff. Don’t read too much into emotions. They happen for a number of reasons. Recognize that your emotional reactions may be quite different from, or similar to, your spouse’s. Accept each ot...

At the time that I write this, our country is experiencing especially large job losses due to the COVID 19 pandemic . But even after we rebound from this pandemic, there will always be the unfortunate situation of unemployment. How can we help an unemployed friend? Here are my ideas. Ask them how they are, then sit quietly and listen . And if they don’t want to talk about it, respect those wishes...

Job loss is painful. Research indicates that for many, losing a job may trigger an extended period of grief, similar to losing a loved one to death. With millions of people who are unemployed each year, each of us probably knows someone who is out of a job at the moment. What can we say? It is easy and tempting to offer words of optimism, or to attempt to apply a “ quick fix ” to their...

When I attended Western Theological Seminary, I was befriended by a man named Stan, one of my professors. As the years went by, Stan and his wife Nancy became friends. A year ago, Stan died after a battle with Parkinson’s disease. Shortly after the anniversary of Stan’s death, I saw Nancy. Her face was radiant when she said, “I must tell you about something wonderful that happened this week!” Know...