Wholehearted Loving

We’re not all in the same emotional realm at the same time. How do we respond when we're up and our loved one is down? When we have celebrations, and others are in grief? Seeing others experience things we want might delight us, or it might throw us into the reality of our pain — we might feel abundance and potential, or fear and lack. But we don’t have to hide or cut ourselves off from joy wh...

When it comes to sharing what's "wrong", and what kind of changes we need to see in relationship, our apology languages are a key determinant. How do we change the patterns we've grown accustomed to, and move toward love and trust in our lives? The best change is one you can actually make — and in today's episode we talk more about making apologies and repairs, and being real...

People tend to approach apologies from a place of fear and anxiety — because we want to make people happy, and we don't want our relationships to end or feel tumultuous. There's so much power in taking the time to find clarity, acceptance, and genuine curiosity about ourselves and others before we seek to make apologies and repairs — and making your way through this series is a good place...

In today's episode we continue 'The 5 Apology Languages' quiz live — revealing all our shadowiest and most judgmental initial responses, and exploring more compassionate alternatives. This is the second episode in a four part series. We talk about how our needs show up in our apologies, words vs intentional action and repair, and the painful practice of keeping score. As always, our wo...

What you yearned for as a child will show up for you today in many ways — including what styles of apology feel true and complete for you, along with what expectations you have when the need to repair arises in relationship. Discovering your patterns in these areas is a powerful tool for personal growth and meaningful self-connection that improves the quality of your life and relationships. In tod...

Lying doesn't mean we're bad or wrong — it's just a behaviour we develop to protect ourselves, or to stay in connection with people who are important to us. Bringing compassionate curiosity to this natural defense against shame and fear is key to freeing yourself from the burden of needless lies, past and present. In today's episode, we talk about how we come to a place of needing...

We can't be everything for everyone. We know this, yet we unconsciously believe we must be more than we are a lot of the time — and we hold much guilt and shame about this without realizing it. Bringing attention and compassion to how we're feeling and what we're working so hard to hold can be such a liberating relief! In this episode we expose some of our own unconscious guilt and how...

"Sometimes you have to let go of the same person many times." Maybe they change, or you do — maybe it's a whole new person, and it's old patterns you're letting go. In today's episode we have a triple take on this quote, and the many different things it can mean for you. We talk about repeating patterns across relationships (hello, Drama!), rebirth in your relationships,...

There are always situations we could have handled better. Our capacities for compassionate connection are constantly limited by time, energy, and our personal programming. This is true for our parents, and for us too — and the resulting guilt & shame get in the way of our connections. It's never too late to make repairs though, and holding your own shame with love is a great place to start...

When we're caught up in the beginnings of a potential relationship, our systems are easily hijacked by hopes, dreams and hormones. It's especially important that we make less meaning and observe more reality during this time, and pace ourselves so we can fully discover how we feel in relationship to the person in front of us — not our stories about who we hope they might be. In today's...

TFW when you're called into leadership, and you resent having to do it — but part of you is ready. You resent that it will interrupt your healing, and take your energy — and you're afraid it will set you back. Can you relate? Today we're speaking with Mia, who finds herself in these circumstances, plus a lot of personal backstory. From a military family, Mia has been on her healing jou...

In part 2 of this series on Impact vs Intention, we move the conversation into the friend zone — where abandonment wounds can get just as activated as they do in romantic relationships. How do we handle it when friends can't break free from the pain of their past? ⁠ We talk about inner and outer abandonment patterns that tend to express themselves in friendships. Noticing what we're making...

Someone's impact on us — the ways we feel in response to their words, actions, energy — often has more to do with us and our past experiences than it does with them or the present moment. For everything we think and feel now, our bodies recall something from our past and that old wiring is engaged. In this episode we talk about it, and how to connect with what's happening right now so you...

It feels good to receive an apology, and it can be such a tempting relief to leave it at that — especially when asking for what we needed or sharing what hurt us was already so hard to do. But it's actions that make the real impact and demonstrate meaningful care. You've heard the idea that we teach people how to treat us? In part, this is what that means: we teach people if apologies are...

We all face discomfort when we need to make a change: the discomfort of staying the same, staying where we are, staying with what we know — and the discomfort of moving towards newness, unfamiliarity, and patterns of behaviour that aren't yet natural for us. We need to remember what we're doing and why we're doing it — and keep connected with the question "What is this discomfort...

Most of us were raised on pressure to perform and shame about getting things "wrong" — all while we're meant to be learning and discovering everything about ourselves and the world we live in. Gentle parenting, and compassionate re-parenting, is the way we're going (with ourselves and our children), and we're seeing powerful results. Today's conversation is about building...

Have you ever felt stupid? Like you should have known and you didn't, or like someone THOUGHT you should have known and you didn't, or you said the "wrong" thing? (We know you have, and we have too.) Oof, what a feeling! The rush of fear, the flush of shame, the desire to run and hide or lash out and defend. We all know these feelings, and we all have our ways of coping -- some h...

Serenity to accept the things we can't change, and wisdom to know the difference -- this is what we're talking about here today, along with tools and perspective to help you connect with that awareness and (eventual) serenity. In this episode, G employs an example of one of her kids and a mac & cheese tantrum to illustrate our varying responses to the anger we express when we hit a wal...

There's no way around it -- if you're alive, you're going to regret a decision at some point. You're going to second-guess yourself, you're going to be miserable, and you're going to laugh and feel free and have a wonderful time. You're going to love people, and miss people, and wish you could split yourself into pieces so you could be everywhere all at once. In today&#...

The ways we behave show us our truest values -- and they're not always aligned with what we think we believe. Most of the time, we're living on auto-pilot, slogging through an unexamined life just trying to feel good or safe day to day. But when we bring focus and attention to the ways we feel, the ways we spend our time, and the areas we tend to give our energy to, it can be eye-opening!...

We hear a lot of people using this term "High Value" as a qualifier when talking about their behavior, or a potential date or partner's behavior -- but what does it really mean? High Value isn't a set of words, or any specific response; it's the embodiment of self-honouring, and honouring our values outwardly in our speech, energy, words and actions. Which is easier said than...

We all have ups and downs in our relationships -- and some times are more intimate than others. There are many paths to intimacy, and intimacy means different things at different times. In today's episode, a listener seeks support around blocks to s*xual intimacy in her long-term relationship. This is an episode in two parts: in part one we explore and reframe relationship challenges, and in p...

We all have ups and downs in our relationships -- and some times are more intimate than others. There are many paths to intimacy, and intimacy means different things at different times. In today's episode, a listener seeks support around blocks to s*xual intimacy in her long-term relationship. This is an episode in two parts: in part one we explore and reframe relationship challenges, and in p...

Is your inner voice soothing or ranting? We all have the tools we need to be kind with ourselves -- we use them every day with other people. Using them with ourselves is usually an unfamiliar practice that takes work like anything else. Today we talk about growing our capacity to think kind thoughts when we're alone, and use kind words when we're with others. More of what we talked about:...

The difference between caregiving and caretaking is significant: offering care someone needs and has requested, vs stepping in (usually unrequested) to manage other people's feelings, fears, worries, anxieties. Pro tip: we usually caretake others as an unconscious way of dealing with our own fears and anxieties...the feelings we don't care for for ourselves. In today's episode we talk...