Who Am I Really?

Gayla called me, with her best friend Lisa, from Georgia. Gayla said she was loved so much by her adopted parents that you never would have known she was an adoptee. When she found her biological mother they got really close until the woman said something unkind about her adopted mother that strained their relationship some. Locating her biological father, Gayla was met with rejecti...

When he was a kid, Bill saw clues here and there that he was adopted, but no one ever actually said it. It wasn’t until he called an uncle he’d never met before that the truth was revealed, turning Bill’s world upside down. Reunion with his birth mother was an emotional event with a woman who was told never to speak of his existence again. Bill talks about how he felt toward the fat...

Sara, from Seattle, Washington, was an over achiever adoptee who was secretly struggling and going off the rails. She intentionally avoided babies until her sister gave birth.. and having kids of her own drove home just how precious babies are. Sara feared reunion would literally kill her adoptive mother. But in reunion she finally heard from her biological mother that the...

Karen is from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community. Locating her birth mother she found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That’s partially because her paternal reunion, while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways, was sadly too brief. This...

Wendy, from Massachussetts, was adopted through Louise Wise, an agency with a notorious reputation. Separately, the tragic murder of Lisa Steinberg triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother to let her know she’s ok. On her search, Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she’s found similar interests and...

James called me from right up the road in Laurel, Maryland and we have one degree of separation with one of my adoptive father, Willie’s, friends. In his story you’ll hear his struggle to find himself and an identity as a youth in a family that didn’t look like him. It took him years to find his voice after a bitter divorce left him and his adopted siblings abused. Thankfu...

Meredith had enough adoptees around her growing up that adoption was no big deal. Yet, her parents never felt comfortable actually discussing adoption. After getting pregnant, and spurred on by her mother-in-law’s intuition that Meredith wanted answers, she started searching. When her social worker found her biological parents, they were married with children. Her reunion has filled her...

Paul grew up in a family where he didn’t look like his parents, his father was Mexican and his mother was Japanese. In his childhood, his mother turned incredibly harsh and abusive, especially toward his sister. Searching for his birth mother, Paul made a misstep when he didn’t follow the advice of his search angel, and it cost him a valued relationship. Luc...

John Dorenbos, the Magic Man, contacted me from his home in Los Angeles. John grew up in a wonderful family until he was 12 years old, when he came home from playing and learned that his mother was taken from him. John made it through his family's tragic turn thanks to kinship adoption, lots of counseling, and two outlets he is eternally grateful for --football and magic! John had a long career in...

Lynn retains a New York accent, but she called me from North Carolina. As a young girl, Lynn should have been a carefree time in Lynn's life, but her home was a chaotic place. She said characterizing her home life as having a few challenges will be like saying Noah's Ark experienced a little rain. Instead of being a carefree kid. Lynn told me that she felt a responsibility for her younger siblings...

Ken grew up in a mixed home with both biological and adopted siblings. While Ken was loved and treated equally, when his son was born, he felt the urge to learn more about his birth mother. When he found the woman living nearby, she answered Ken's phone call with inspiring words, expressing her expectation of that moment finally happening for her one day. Ken said there was a moment with his birth...

Regina spoke to me from her home in North Carolina. When Regina was a child, she learned she was adopted and how other kids cruelly viewed adoptees. She never told anyone about being an adopted person until the big reveal in adulthood.  After seeking counseling to overcome the monster of adoption, Regina finally sought reunion. She found her birth mother and father in the same day, and e...

Steven, from Bainbridge Island, Washington—across the Puget Sound from Seattle—shared his that when he was a kid, it only took one incident to solidify his resolve never to ask his adoptive mother about his adoption. In a maternal reunion, Stephen was confronted with the reality that, while his birth mother was not mentally capable of taking care of herself, she never forgot about her son. On his...

Lena, from just north of Tampa, Florida grew up surrounded by adoptees. However, as she got older, Lena began to feel how different she was. While working toward her degree in social work, Lena's studies unexpectedly led her down the path to reunion. While her birth father has been nothing but supportive, Lena said she can't force a maternal reunion with someone who has not healed yet herself. Thi...

One of the important things to do when sharing adoptee stories is try to empathize with our birth mothers. This is a special presentation of the " Who Am I Really? " podcast for "Birth Mother's Day". Working with Ed DiGangi ( ep. 130 ) we highlight the stories of three birth mothers, Yvonne, Sarah, and Laura who share their personal stories of being stigmatized, coerced, and misinformed about thei...

When a child is in need of support to help navigate the traumatic experiences in their lives. Renowned psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and leading authority on childhood trauma Dr. Bruce D. Perry is the man to call. Dr. Perry has researched childhood trauma and its impact on brain development and behavior throughout his decades, long distinguished career. Perry's dedication to understanding and addr...

Doris, who lives between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, California, was adopted after her adoptive mother's repetitive attempts at pregnancy. Doris then had to endure herself centeredness -- a residual trauma of her failed pregnancies -- and her narcissism, which prevented her from being the mother Doris needed. I n reunion, Doris was welcomed by some of her extended family, but chose to try to meet h...

Monica, from outside of Sacramento, California, shares her double story as an adoptee and a birth mother. When Monica was a kid getting dumped by her adoptive mother sent her down a path of bad-girl attention seeking that, put her in dangerous situations. In reunion she discovered her heritage is tied to native people of North America and that her instinct to search was well-timed because her pass...

Angela, from Seattle Washington, grew up in a home full of adoptees whose adoptions were prioritized because of perceived medical needs, including her own. Angela pursued reunion, expecting she would search for and find her birth mother and they would look just the like, Instead, Angela first found a man who was loved by his community and when she appeared there in his town where she was born, eve...

Jane, from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, grew up knowing she was adopted, comfortable with the fact, and even knowing her birth name from a young age. After her adoptive parents passed away, Jane obtained as much identifying information as possible and submitted two DNA tests. The amalgamation of resources all provided supporting clues to her maternal and paternal sides. In reunion, Jane...

Brad, from McKinney, Texas, just outside of Dallas grew up thinking something was off in his family. But Brad internalized his differences from his parents as his own inability to adapt to their personality traits and abilities. As an adult DNA testing revealed that something far more foundational to his being was the reason for their differences. The revelation set off a series of forced confront...

Linda’s childhood was tumultuous after her mother’s death as she was raised in what she thought was her grandmother’s home. When she learned the truth about her life from the neighbor’s kids, at age 10, Linda immediately wanted to find her birther father. She endured years of abuse in her grandmother’s home with no love. She characterizes her story, not as an adoption...

April called me from New York, New York, but her story originated in New England. She is a transracial adoptee whose search took her to a quintessential New England town and the connection to her birth mother’s former home which put April and the woman on the phone that night. But the pain of April’s conception was too much, so the pair never connected. Now April...

Chris lives in Northern California outside of San Francisco. He shares how he selflessly discovered his adopted brother’s birth mother just in time for them to meet. Chris said he was thankful that at least one of the two brothers had completed their search. When Chris told his parents he launched his own search it created animosity between them that they’ve worked hard to get over. After&nbs...

Michelle, from North Hollywood, California, is an Asian American, but her specific heritage is unclear, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever fully know where she comes from. There’s no information about her in the year before her adoption, only a note that says "This baby was found..." Michele describes her feelings about being adopted by Asian parents, her lack of a specific birth dat...