When Our Adult Children Walk Away

When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught.  In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren.  Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip...

Hi and welcome to the WOACWA podcast. I want to invite you to rethink the dynamics of parenting adult children through the lens of yin and yang—balancing empathy with wisdom, flexibility with boundaries.  In this episode, we explore how excessive permissiveness or parenting grounded in control can harm our relationships, in particular, our relationships with our adult children.  We explore strateg...

Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, never to wonder about us again. In this episode, I offer insight into how emotionally charged, high-risk days —such as holidays, birthdays, and annive...

If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize...

This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child. Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode...

Are you a dad of an estranged adult child wondering, "How did things get this far?" —you’re not alone.  In this short but eye-opening episode, we unpack the real reasons many adult children choose to step away from their fathers. From unresolved childhood pain to emotional disconnect, this conversation sheds light on the deeper issues that often go unspoken. We’ll also talk about how tra...

What’s the difference between an apology, accountability, and making amends? Why does it matter so much to your adult child when you're estranged from them? I can't seem to get it right!  In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Janet Steinkamp unpacks the emotional and practical power of these three crucial tools. You'll learn: ✔️ Why simple apologies often fall s...

This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next . If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you. We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build...

Premier Content - Subscriber-only Episode Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. This one’s tough—there’s no getting around it. And! It is a new and growing element of conversations related to estrangement. There was a time when incest was all-inclusive - physical, mental, emotional, etc. The...

Some days are more difficult than others. Some days shine a spotlight on our estrangement grief - the silence and loneliness. These are high-risk days. On high-risk days, the silence can be deafening. High-risk days trigger more intense feelings. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important days can be reminders of your estranged adult child. These are what we refer to as high-risk days...

Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of emotional turmoil, can trigger our grief, and can shine a light on the empty chair at the dinner table - especially when your relationship with your adult child feels broken or distant.  In this episode, we’ll examine 10 reasons adult children who are or have been estranged say they step back or walk away from their moms. We'll also consider how you might re...

Whether it's a holiday, birthday, or significant life event, high-risk days may – usually do - heighten the pain, loneliness and embarrassment of estrangement. In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Janet Steinkamp offers practical strategies to help you prepare, set boundaries, and maintain emotional balance. 💡 Understand why these days feel harder than others and why yo...

If you’re experiencing some degree of estrangement, you have almost certainly experienced the sting of rejection and the emotional gut punch of dejection. When some part of our involvement in our relationship is rejected, we can become overwhelmed by disbelief, anger,  hurt feelings and despair. In this episode, we’re breaking it down. Rejection is the action – the delivery of the message. It is w...

Ever wondered whether you need a therapist or a coach to help with your family estrangement (or any big life challenge)? Or maybe both? What if a person is professionally licensed and trained as both a therapist and an estrangement coach? In this episode, we break down the key differences between the two—how they work, what they focus on, and who might be the best fit for your circumstances. We’ll...

This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe   Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you. In this episode, we’re diving into the different but complementary roles therapists and coaches play in family estrangement—whether they’re helping to heal relationships...

This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you. Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being h...

This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you. Unlike the short episode with the same title, this episode examines differences and similarities in how moms and dads describe their experiences and strategies for navigati...

In this episode, we dig into some of the differences and similarities of how moms and dads tell us they experience and navigate estrangement. Yes, dads and moms often experience estrangement differently. And, in ways, similarly. Only... we know it isn't really that simple, right? I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender. The concept oversimplifies and...

20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift  - A Deep Dive Into Reasons 1-10 (Extended) Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile r...

The "Let Them Go" movement grew out of the emerging phenomenon of parental and family estrangement. Originally the movement was based on positive acceptance, open minded awareness, and love. This movement emphasizes personal well-being and the right to distance oneself from harmful dynamics. More recently, the movement has spun off a 2nd movement. We now hear from a “Let Them Go – Good R...

Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for par...

In this episode, I discuss six tips that will proactively ensure you give space to your adult child and avoid misrepresentation by others. This topic is a continuation of discussions about communication, how to maintain it, how to ensure direct access if and when either the parent or adult child is compelled to reach out, and how to ensure others represent you accurately to others who may also be...

In this episode, we consider avoiding or getting out of the habit of catastrophizing. You might be saying, “Hasn’t the worst already happened?” I suggest that it hasn’t. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that anticipating a catastrophe does not help move you toward preparing to repair and establish a new connection. Catastrophizing holds you in disbelief, anger and despair. Catastrophizing is a...

In this episode, we crack the Busy Body Code. I share several easy strategies to manage a busy body by controlling your message. You can protect your privacy, ensuring that more energy can focus on maintaining emotional well-being. I share several responses you can use when approached by even the most well-meaning "share-er." I provide ways to sort through publicly neutral messaging to e...

So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm frequently asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf.  I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to  approach an adult child without the parent'...