When Our Adult Children Walk Away

Are we really listening — or just waiting for your turn to speak?   There’s a difference between hearing and listening that most of us never stop to examine, and in estrangement, that difference can be the distance between repair and permanent disconnection.  In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Janet Steinkamp breaks down what active listening truly requires, why passive lis...

Are you an estranged parent who finds themselves asking the same question over and over... "Why isn’t my message landing the way I intend?" Or, "Why isn't (adult child) responding?" In this first After Hours Series episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna take the most urgent issue from their inaugural Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 and share it here:...

Welcome back to When Our Adult Children Walk Away, a podcast dedicated to one of the most painful, and one of the least talked-about, experiences a family can go through: estrangement. I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp. No guilt. No shame. No blame.  Social media did not cause your estrangement. But it may be making it feel more permanent, more absolute, and harder to resolve. In this episode, Dr. Jane...

In Part 3 of the three-part series, When It Was Us , Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna step into the sacred, complicated territory so many families long to understand: what actually happens when an estranged adult child comes back. Not the Hollywood version. Not the social-media version. The real one. The email that didn't mention their relationship at all. The first face-to-face m...

What happens in the years right before an adult child walks away — and what does the silence that follows actually feel like, from both sides?  In Part Two of When It Was Us , Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna go into the hardest part of their story: the years after Bri graduated from college, the slow accumulation of stress and shame that pushed her to her breaking point, the conversat...

What does estrangement actually look like before it happens? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp does something she has never done before — she opens up about her own estrangement, inviting her daughter Brianna to join her for a candid, unfiltered conversation about the years that led up to Bri walking away from their family. This is Part One of a three-part series. Together, Jane...

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , you’ll walk through one of the most fragile and hopeful moments in estrangement: when your adult child reaches out. Whether it’s a short text, a knock on your door, or a message passed through a family member, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you see this tiny gesture for what it really is—a careful test of safety.  You’ll learn why urgency is not yo...

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , you’ll explore what comes after the slog through the first three swirling stages of grief. After the shock, anger, and despair have swirled for a while, you're likely to find yourself so exhausted that you're ready to move out of the darkest days. Dr. Janet walks with you through the courageous decision to move from the dark abyss of...

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Steinkamp takes a gentle but honest look at one of the most painful aspects of estrangement: the deep sting of rejection.  When our adult child pulls away - slowly or suddenly - it can turn daily life upside down. The decision to step away can shake a parent’s identity, confidence, and every memory about the relationship. No matter where a...

It’s natural to feel compelled to reach out to fix things at every level of estrangement. We’ve been taught to pursue, talk, challenge, and perhaps even expect certain aspects of a relationship with our adult child. You want closeness, but every “fix it” attempt seems to push your adult child farther away. The tension escalates, accusations worsen, and hurtful words or actions become more personal...

Being a strong and steady father to an adult child and a grounded grandfather to their children matters deeply, especially in families experiencing tension or any level of estrangement. The importance isn’t about control or authority, it’s about regulations, emotional safety and continuity across generations. In this episode, you’ll better appreciate the challenges and importance of recognizing bo...

When someone is living with any degree of estrangement, it can feel as though everything they once believed to be true about the relationship has shifted, including their faith. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores how estrangement from an adult child can unsettle long-held beliefs and erode spiritual confidence. Practices that once offered comfort, such as prayer, meditation, or worship,...

The days of straightforward expectations about how moms transition from being a child's mom to mom to an adult child, and finally, from mom to a grandparent, are long gone. The challenge of understanding our adult children's expectations is real. More and more often, moms tell me that as their adult children became independent, they thought they knew how to relate to and communicate with...

The winter holidays can shine a harsh spotlight on your estrangement, can’t they? While everyone else seems to be posting perfect family photos, you’re left wondering how to get through the season when your family table isn’t complete. In this episode, Stillness, Space , and Grace, I'll walk you through the emotional landmines of “high-risk days” such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other mea...

You’re not crazy for wanting answers—you’re human. It's human nature to want to know how and why things happen. In estrangement, too often the answers don't come, and we are challenged to find closure amid ambiguity. In this episode, I'll walk you through the unrest of not knowing in parent–adult-child estrangement.  You’ll hear why many adult children don’t offer explanations (over...

The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday.  We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast. In this episode, you’ll learn why the winter holiday season feels so intense in the face of estrangement. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to M...

When the phone stops ringing and your texts go unanswered, the quiet can feel unbearable. In “Surviving the Silence,” Dr. Janet Steinkamp walks you through how to use this season with purpose so you don’t ruminate and drive yourself to distraction through catastrophizing.  You’ll learn eight practical strategies: anchoring in reality (from a 360° view), managing the spiral of rumination, practicin...

Hi Listeners,  Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance.  If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially...

Learn about navigating “Gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement. In this deeper dive on coercive control, you’ll learn how to keep the light on for your adult child when a partner is acting as a gatekeeper. Dr. Janet shows you how to stay calm under pressure, send short and safe messages that won’t be weaponized, choose lower-risk communication channels, and avoid f...

You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estr...

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work. You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and wh...

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement. In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships. Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is dif...

Estrangement is often painful, disorienting and frustrating. Even the most well-intended parents can unknowingly make things worse.  In this episode, I explore the six common mistakes I see parents make when struggling to reconnect. The ways we communicate, such as blaming, shaming, guilt-tripping, and insulting, push our adult children further away. It's easy to fall into rounds of tit-for-t...

In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate.  Sometimes emotionally charged dynamics are fueled by our communication style, sometimes by our adult child's, and sometimes by someone else entirely.  Enter the concept of coercive control and the cu...

Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?! How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc? In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choo...