Jonesy

Weird AF News | Weird News Daily

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Comedian Jonesy covers weird news 5 days/week and on Friday it's only Florida.

Author

Jonesy

Episodes

Sex dolls replaced a crowd at soccer match. Woman rescues a 9 week old banana left inside her desk. 19.05.2020 17:27

Soccer team apologizes for putting sex dolls in the stands during live match. Trucks used to store Coronavirus bodies will now be used to transport food. Woman returned to her office to rescue a banana she left in her desk for 9 weeks. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weird...

"Lockdown sex" buddy is what you need. Priest sprays holy water out squirt gun during distancing. 18.05.2020 17:55

Dutch Government says go find yourself a lockdown sex buddy. Priest sprays holy water out of a squirt gun to maintain social distancing during mass. Penguins poop out so much laughing gas it makes researchers crazy high. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH W...

Florida woman kisses everyone while calling 911. Protestors demand gyms reopen while doing push-ups. 15.05.2020 21:20

FLORIDA FRIDAY - Florida woman tried to kiss strangers at a bar while calling 911 to complain about the lack of social distancing. Protestors calling for gyms to reopen do push-ups and squats outside Florida courthouse. Florida man dives into Bass Pro Shop fish tank and posts video on Facebook. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll ge...

Fake boobs and muscles for your next Zoom date? Restaurant will put mannequins at empty tables. 14.05.2020 17:12

Restaurant will put mannequins at empty tables to make social distancing less awkward. Company sells fake breasts and muscles for your next Zoom virtual date. Bill would make it legal to drive drunk at your own home in Virginia. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews...

100 year old woman beats the Coronavirus. Why millions of people pretending to be ants on Facebook? 13.05.2020 17:22

100 year old Russian woman beats coronavirus. A million people are pretending to be ants on Facebook for therapy. American flies to Germany undercover disguised as an airport janitor to meet his girlfriend. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News o...

Please don't masturbate in IKEA. During lockdown stay angry at your family less than ten minutes. 12.05.2020 21:48

IKEA in China reminds customers to not masturbate inside stores. Live American sports returns to ESPN with American Cornhole Competition league. Russia recommends staying angry at family less than ten minutes during lockdown. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WA...

911 my crotch is on fire!! 20,000 teenagers were just given a driver's license without a road test. 11.05.2020 15:02

20,000 Georgia teenagers were just given a license while road tests are suspended. Woman charged after calling 911 to have fire put out in her crotch. LA County jail inmates trying to infect themselves with Coronavirus. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH We...

Florida man tries to stab the devil out of his roommate. Man caught quarantining on Disney island. 08.05.2020 16:34

FLORIDA FRIDAY - Florida man arrested for trying to quarantine on Disney's Discovery Island. "Satan is still in me!", says Florida man who stabs roommate to release the devil inside. Florida woman begs to be arrested after being pulled over for DUI with 3 children in her car. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with...

Free weed and booze for quarrantined homeless. Drawing rainbows certainly will make you gay! 07.05.2020 19:14

San Francisco delivers weed, alcohol and tobacco to addicts Quarrantined in hotels. Pandemic shuts down Nepal's Himalayan Viagra harvest this year. Turkish officials ordered children to stop drawing rainbows because they think it's a plot to make them gay. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! htt...

Pee Your Pants Challenge! Pope helps transgender prostitutes who lack customers during pandemic. 06.05.2020 25:52

Pope offers aid to transgender prostitutes without customers. New social media challenge: Pee Your Pants Challenge. German zombie hunters stopped at Swedish border with Hummer full of crossbows. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News on Youtube - ...

Sperm smoothies to fight Coronavirus? Fire marshal warns not to microwave your face mask. 05.05.2020 18:31

Utah police stop five year old driving to California to buy a Lamborghini. Woman drinks sperm smoothies to fight the Coronavirus. Spike in fire fatalities in Ontario prompt warning to not microwave face masks. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF New...

Drive-thru funerals? Police seek person dressed as a creepy 27th century plague doctor. 04.05.2020 18:06

Police hunt for person wearing a freepy 27th century plague doctor costume. Third Russian doctor mysteriously falls from a hospital window after virus complaint. Funeral home offer drive thru viewings during Covid-19 lockdown. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -W...

Road raging mating alligators. Please don't remove your own moles during quarantine, urges doctor. 02.05.2020 16:52

FLORIDA FRIDAY - Florida authorities warn people of road raging mating alligators. Welcome mat at Florida home read, "Come back with a warrant", so police returned with a warrant and found drugs. Florida dermatologist urges people to stop removing their own moles while in quarantine. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang o...

Top 10 Weird AF Coronavirus Conspiracy Theories 30.04.2020 22:40

There are many weird af Coronavirus related conspiracy theories floating around the web these days and I have compiled the top 10 weirdest. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News on Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/weirdafnews and FOLLOW Jonesy a...

Help defeat potato mountain by eating fries. Spain sprays the beach with bleach to protect kids. 29.04.2020 21:24

Spanish officials apologize for spraying bleach on the beach. Belgians urged to eat more fries to help deplete the "potato mountain." Swedish city will dump a ton of chicken manure in a park to deter visitors. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF New...

Tupac Shakur is alive in Kentucky awaiting unemployment. German police bust underground hair salons. 28.04.2020 20:23

German police bust underground hair salons. Tupac Shakur is alive in Kentucky awaiting his unemployment check. FDA urges manufacturers to make hand sanitizer taste worse. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News on Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/...

Masturbation is up. WAY up. Indian man pretended to be an onion dealer to beat the lockdown. 27.04.2020 18:56

People are masturbating more in Quarantine study says. Indian man buys 28 tons of onions and drives 869 miles disguised as an onion dealer to beat lockdown. Manhole cover thieves in China could now get the death penalty. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH W...

Florida Church sold bleach Coronavirus miracle cure. Grim Reaper will troll Florida's opened beaches 24.04.2020 23:36

FLORIDA FRIDAY - Man will dress as Grim Reaper and troll Florida's prematurely opened beaches. Florida "Church" sold bleach as a Coronavirus curing sacrament and got in trouble with FDA. Florida woman spit her chewed food onto food displays inside Walmart and was arrested. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the...

Governor puts Hennessy in Coronavirus care packages. Rent a llama or goat for your Zoom meeting! 23.04.2020 16:23

Kenya governor under fire after putting Hennessy bottles in Coronavirus care packages. Foreign tourists found isolating in a cave in India for a month. Rent a goat, llama or s donkey for your next Zoom meeting. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF Ne...

Testicles make you more vulnerable to the virus. President asks gangs to stop giving care packages. 22.04.2020 15:28

Man eats 600 cheesesteaks in two years and the Coronavirus won't stop him. President of Mexico tells gangs to stop handing out virus care packages. Testicles may make you more vulnerable to the virus, study shows. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF...

Tinder dating is okay says Dr. Fauci. Woman's breast implant deflects a bullet, saves her life. 21.04.2020 14:16

Woman's breast implants deflect a bullet and save her life. Indonesia locks Quarrantine violators inside haunted houses. Dr. Fauci says you can meet a Tinder date if you wanna risk it. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News on Youtube - https://ww...

Can farts spread Coronavirus? Stimulus checks in US being spent on tigers, dildos and guns. 20.04.2020 19:13

Stimulus checks in America being spent on guns, dildos, tigers and stripper poles. Man forced to quarantine in a ghost town with a murderous past. Can Coronavirus be spread through farts? Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News on Youtube - https:/...

Wrestling is deemed "essential business" in Florida. Giant Easter cookout gathering broken up. 18.04.2020 17:35

FLORIDA FRIDAY - Large Easter cookout of over 100 people broken up by police during stay at home order. Florida Governor deems WWE an essential business. Florida judge tells lawyers to put on pants for your Zoom hearings. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH...

Free weed and Toilet paper handed out by masked man. Social distancing for bears? 17.04.2020 16:12

Masked man hands out free weed and toilet paper during pandemic. Man made false pizza orders and said Italians should get the virus. Social distancing for bears advised by wildlife advocates. Woman fined for taking her turtle for a walk in Rome. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon...

Woman steals news van with reporter inside. Can't hug humans? Hug some trees and feel their energy! 15.04.2020 21:41

Woman arrested after stealing a news van with reporter inside. Longest animal ever has been discovered off coast of Australia. The forest service recommends hugging some trees because you can't hug people. Show your SUPPORT by donating to the Weird AF News Patreon where you'll get bonus episodes and you'll get to hang out with the host Jonesy! http://patreon.com/weirdafnews -WATCH Weird AF News on...