We Gauge Cage

I'm a vampire. You're a vampire. She's a vampire. 'Cause we're all vampires, hey! Oh goodness. Oh man. Oh boy. And oh geez. This is the big one, folks. The big Kahuna. The big enchilada. This is not a drill. The boys have finally cashed in on all of their Nic Cage movie gambles and went full tilt this week. It paid off with a chance to watch 1988's thriller (?) vampir...

Almost paradise, we're knocking on heaven's door. Trapped in Paradise, we expected so much more.... That's right. The faithful and dedicated boys sat down to watch 1994's Nic Cage, Dana Carvey, and Jon Lovitz holiday team-up "Trapped in Paradise." Oh boy...Oh boy boy boy. Before all that, Brock and Brian discussed the Princess of Pop Tay Tay and her amazing performanc...

Ugh. Just...ugh. *sigh*... Just when we thought we were out, Nic pulls us back in! The boys took a trip back to the Castle Period in order to watch his 2018 craptacular effort "211." Yep. That is the title of a movie alright. Do with it what you will. Before they plumb those depths, however, they give a little more follow-up on their respective weekends, and they get to the bottom of wha...

Never Fear, because Brock and Brian are here. But oh my goodness! Thank god Brock was brave and quick-witted and resourceful enough to rescue Brian from the clutches of that nefarious, underground, evil group of organized criminals in time to record a podcast episode this week! Sincerely, for those of you that depend on us for weekly content, we apologize that we were forced to record and release...

We work hard (they work hard!). Every day of our life. We work 'til we ache in our bones. At the end of the day, we take home my hard earned pay all our own! We get down on our knees, and we start to pray, 'til the tears run down from our eyes! Speaking of tear-jerkers, this week the gentlemen fancypantsers watched 2006's animated, ant-related offering (No, not THAT movie. No, nor T...

You drink a whiskey drink, you drink a lager drink, you drink a vodka drink, you drink a cider drink. You sing the songs that remind you of the good times, you sing the songs that remind you of anything but this god-awful excuse for a cinematic movie. That's right. The lovable boys watched the 1995 David Caruso/Nic Cage action crime thriller "Kiss of Death." It...it was problematic....

If you want to be our lover, you will HAVE to get with our friends. Make it last forever. This podcast experience never ends. Speaking of getting with friends, the boys are joined this week by another boy. A handsome boy. A good boy. A... "fanboy?" The oft-mentioned JK himself, Jon Keepers joins us for this watch of the 1992 rom-com Honeymoon in Vegas. Before we hop into the juicy deets...

"How funky is your chicken?" My chicken's really funky. "How loose is your goose?" My goose is totally loose. "Now come on, you Cage Gaugers, and shake your caboose."We're shaking our caboose. The fellas could not conceive their luck when they got the privilege of watching Nic Cage's 2017 thriller (an ACTUAL thriller this time!) "Inconceivable.&quo...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of films... Well, to be honest, it wasn't the worst. It was one of the shortest, so it had that going for it. That's right. Brock and Brian watched Nic Cage's holiday dud "Christmas Carol: The Movie" or "A Christmas Carol" or whatever other name they gave it. From 2001. Nobody asked for this film. Nobody needed this film...

You can pick your podcasts. You can pick your nose. But you can't pick your podcaster's nose. I always say. Anywho, the boys lied down (layed down? lay down?...) The boys settled down and watched Nic Cage's 1993 epic saga, "Amos & Andrew." Co-starring Samuel L Jackson, this film had it all: racism, pedophilia, and just *horrible, horrible* acting and writing and produc...

Happy birthday to...AMERICA! "AMERICA! F*** YEAH!" Oh, America, you've given us so much: Apple pie. Baseball. Food on sticks. Malin Akerman. Wait...Malin Akerman is Canadian!? Well, can you tell her to take this hunk of garbage back to her homeland so we never have to see it again? Look, people, I don't know how you planned on spending your Independence Day, but if you want to...

Well, it's a hot one. 'Bout seven inches from the midday sun, if I had to guess. Picture this: The year is 2011. The same year that brought us both "Drive" and "Drive Angry." Only one of those films stars Nic Cage, and only one of those films is a complete turd. Because why Drive, without specifying how angrily one should do so? But before all that, the boys chat abou...

You're a witch, Harry! That's right. This week, the gentlemen watched a 2011 Nic Cage offering, "Season of the Witch." Bad CGI? Check. Overacting? Check. Shoddy accent work? Absolutely Check. Before that, the boys discuss their favorite Disney songs, they discuss their work environment, and they perform the "Lemon & Tabasco challenge" in honor of Nic Cage's p...

Do you trust me? Do you trust me?!?(...yyyesss...?)I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Speaking of splendid, Brian and Brock watched Nic Cage's 2016 heist movie "The Trust."In typical We Gauge Cage fashion, they had some strong opinions on it and on Nic's performance in it. What way did those opinions blow? I'll never tell. Before all that, the boys lo...

Hey, guys! What's the capital of Thailand? That's right. We're not above middle-school humor. Guard your jewels, gird your loins, and strap in for this week's episode! Brian and Brock watched Nic Cage's 2008 film "Bangkok Dangerous," where Nic tries his hand at being a dangerous hitman in, you guessed it, Bangkok! He really puts the ass in assassin, folks. Before...

We can't do a live podcast, if living is without you. We can't give...We can't give you any more! That's right, ladies and gentlemen. The big surprise that we've been teasing is finally upon us! A live and in-person podcast! No Skype! No holding back! No filter! Brian and Brock cozied up together on the couch in suburban Minnesota and watched Nic Cage's 1986 biopic &q...

They say that diamonds are a man's best friend. And we here at We Gauge Cage are diamond-friendly. Because diamonds make us happy. This week, the young men of We Gauge Cage attempted to watch "Trespass," a 2011 hostage/diamond-centric movie starring Nicolas Cage, Nicole Kidman, and Ben Mendelsohn. Woof. It...it wasn't good. Before all that, the boys discuss the British royal fa...

That's right. The original Ghost Rider. Fresh out the packaging. It's crazy to think that the events of this film would have such direct tie-ins and spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War, but Marvel was clearly playing the long game from the very beginning. Where were we? That's right - Brock and Brian plopped on down and watched themselves a 2007 Nic Cage classic - "Ghost Rider....

Well what do you know? Our podcast is old enough to buy itself a beer and get a little buzzed. Speaking of buzzed, the boys watched the 2016 Nic Cage film "USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage." Why haven't you heard about this film or the historical event that it was based off of until now? History and mystery, baby. History. And Mystery. Before the boats and sharks and torpedo-talk, t...

We're all out of love. We're so lost without you. We knew you were right, believing for so long. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, we're all out of love for Nic Cage. But what are we without him? We can't be too late, to say that we were so wrong...Look, folks, it's the Castle Period. Brian and Brock plopped their weary bones on down and watched the 2017 rape drama "Vengean...

Did you Pay the Ghost? Can we Pay the Ghost? Because if you Pay the Ghost, then you can Pay the Ghost. And then the Ghost is Paid, you see. And...Look, we don't quite get it either, and we actually sat through this turd. That's right. This week the boys watched the 2015 Nic Cage spooky ghost film "Pay the Ghost" (in case you had any misconceptions on the title. It's "...

The paddy is officially legal, everybody! Legal to vote, to smoke, to buy itself some naughty magazines, to...I mean, we don't know what 18-yr-olds do with their time nowadays. But on to more important, Cagier things. The boys (eventually) sat down and watched Nic Cage's 1989 Italian film titled Tiempo di Uccidere. Or, "Time to Kill," for the English-speaking layperson. It&apos...

Full disclosure, folks. We dropped the ball on this one. Some might say we dropped the...hamster ball. We left a perfectly good "Good Luck With Your Hamster Balls" joke sitting right there, on the table, and we didn't go for it. Maybe it's because we're not that smart. Or funny. Or maybe it's that we're not living up to our full potential. Or...maybe it's be...

It's a April Fools Miracle! A whole day early? What madness is this?!?Don't look this particular gift horse in the mouth. Just take it like...look, I don't understand this metaphor in the first place. I can't make it sound any better. Hey, the boys recorded themselves an episode this week, fresh off of watching Nic Cage's 2016 film "Army of One." This film involv...

If you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you every wanted. Would you capture it? Or just let it slip? Everything that the boys have been working toward has led up to this moment. This episode. This is the make or break one, boys and girls. You're either going to love or hate it. We want to remind you that you have a choice. (And you also have a skip 15-seconds button). Thi...