We Doing Filmographies

On the 28th day of Pitts-mas, Mr. Flemmer took over my body with 20 of his closest geriatric homes. Me, I.... Being John Malkovich Once upon a time, Jules and I both saw this as teenagers. One of had our minds blown and one of us wasn't that into it. What's our stance now? What's yours? John Cusack is a disgusting sack of crap who wants to be a famous puppeteer, but his material sucks and he only...

On the 27th day of Pitts-mas, everything's gonna be Irie! (You ever see the irie scene? Have ya?  It's totally on-par with getting him by two cars.) Meet Joe Black! A super cutie meets Pitt at a Cafe and it is LOVE! An old man hears the whispers of death! Death is like hey fuc*o, you can have a few more days if we become 24/7 friends! Did you know it's 3 hours? Is it good? It is 3 hours... probabl...

On the 26th day of Pitts-mas, the Austrians gave to meeeeee: Seven Years in Tibet. What if there was a movie about an Austrian guy that was a big ol jerk, but he likes mountains? What if he became friends with the Dalai lama? What if he was actually a nazi and the movie went ahead and lied about that part? Heinrich runs away from his pregnant wife and tries to climb a mountain. When he comes down...

On the 25th day of Pitts-mas, Bradley gave to me "Aye", by the bucket load, in? The Devil's Own. IRA GUY. Police guy. Housemates. Lovers? Mayyyyyybe. Brad is a killer and is hiding out at an unsuspecting Harrison Ford's house while he procures rockets from Treat Williams to battle the government back in Ireland. Is this riveting? Is this the lost blockbuster you didn't know ruled? Brad Pitt really...

It's a rebroadcast of our first episode! From the Billy Crudup run! There's no clips! Brad Pitt is in this!

On the 23rd day of Pitts-mas, Christopher Plummer gave birth to the army of the... 12 Monkeys Bruce Willis. Madeline Stowe. Jon Seda. David Morse. Frank Gorshin. And? BRAD PITT. DUH. COME ON! YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE! Does this movie hold up? Does Willis come swinging? Do you buy ol Pittie as mentally unstable? Do you continue to kinda be in love with Madeline Stowe? Would you switchblade yo...

On the 22nd day of Pitts-mas I cut my fingerprints off cause I wanna be like Kevin Spacey. He's a good role model, right?!?!?!?!?! Se7en. I love this movie. I saw it when I was 13. Turned from "I Love movies" to constantly chasing the high of seeing such an amazing thriller so young. Does it hold up? Is it maybe stupid now? Is the acting actually not good? No. It's amazing. Listen to us do Morgan...

On the 21st day of Pitts-mas, long hair don't care: Legends of the Fall. Jk, that long hair cares so much. Three bros. Dad is Anthony Hopkins. They live in da woods. When they grown, the baby of the squad brings a girl back home and everyone is immediately like "omfg I love her, I need her". Then baby brah says we gotta join WW1! I'M GOING TO CANADA TO ENLIST! and his bros are like yeah, we are co...

On the 20th day of Pitts-mas, Lestat came to me in the night and gave me the choice he never had. Would I like to watch: Interview With the Vampire. Brad Pitt is real sad cause wife and kids dead. He wants dead too. But? Tom Cruise gives him a lil kiss and he decided instead of dead, he will live forever. I loved this movie when I saw it in the theater. Somehow the wild homoerotica escaped my shar...

On the 19th day of Pitts-mas, a red dress gave to me: The Favor. Apparently this sat on a shelf for a while. Why? Bankruptcy. Should have been for it being a mystifying pile of garbage. This lady has been having horny dreams about her high school boyfriend who she never done humped. She talks her friend into going to hump him. Brad Pitt and Bill Pullman are in it, as is.... LARRY MILLER! Is it fun...

On the 18th day of Pitts-mas, Jules and me gleamed the cube. True Romance Lunatic gets girlfriend. Kills her pimp. Accidentally steals cocaine. Goes to Hollywood to sell it while scary mobsters track him down. Quentin Tarantino wrote this Tony Scott directed it. Everyone swings for the fences in this and every dang performance is a homerun. I didn't realize Christian Slater could act until this mo...

On the 17th day of Pitts-mas, Juliette Lewis, once again, gave me a gift: Kalifornia Ok so we got scumbag Pitt killing people for reasons (not good ones), his captive childbride Juliette Lewis, dipsh*t David Duchovney as a writer trying to cobble together a book on serial killers and holy fu*king sh*t Michelle Forbes looking straight out of hottest person I've ever seen magazine (she is also a pho...

On the 16th day of Pitts-mas, peepaw gave to me A River Runs Through It Hey, look, it's charming, young Pitt in a real role that shows you the superstar he'll become. He likes fishing. He's so good at fishing, his older brother says he's an artist. At fishing. It's a movie about fishing. And family. And Robert Redford directed and narrates it. Is this thing good? Is it boring, but also satisfying?...

On the fifteenth day of Pitts-mas, the garbage man gave this trash to me: Cool World. I remember ads for this in comics when I was little. I rented it way too young. I only really remember it being boring. Is it still boring? Yes. And horny. So, so horny. Kim Basinger is a horny doodle who just wants Gabriel Byrne to bust in her guts so she can come to the real world and... apparently turn it into...

On the fourteenth day of Pitts-mas, my barber gave to me: JOHNNY SUEDE Tom Dicillo's first movie! Brad Pitt's the lead! His hair is GIANT. He's a dumb jerk who has a very high opinion of himself and his bad music. He lives in a wildly gross apartment, but I guess it's so cheap you don't even need a job. Then? He's nearly killed by a hat box with magic Suede shoes that aren't actually magic, but he...

On the 13th day of Pitts-mas, two super rad women gave to me: THELMA AND LOUISE Two cool ladies go on a fishing trip. They do not make it to the lake. One of them keeps making really bad decisions, despite the other one being like "don't do that." And then Brad Pitt shows up. You think his character smells just awful? He's gotta be next level stinky, out there in the sun, hitching days at a time....

On the 12th day of Pitts-mas, Ricky Schroeder ruined my life with a pair of nunchucks (nunchucked my butthole in a fight and it fell out). Across the Tracks! Brad Pitt runs real good. Ricky Schroeder just gets out of Julie. They are brothers. Ricky likes to party, bro. And he's got a cool buddy in a leather jacket he gets trashed with. But? He starts running with his bro. Is everything going to be...

Did you know Brad Pitt was in a thrash/boy band called 2young2die? Jk, on the 11th day of Pitts-mas, Juliette Lewis gave to me: Too Young To Die? This poor kid. She's 14. She suffers through constant trigger warnings (should we do trigger warnings for this? This one's bad for that type of thing) and has a good time for like a week and then things get bad again. However, her and Pitt act their lil...

On the 10th day of Pitts-mas, Albert Finney gave to me: The Image. John Mahoney. Albert Finney. Kathy Baker. A newsman reports the news wrong and a guy suicides. Can he make it right? Maybe, if Swoosie Kurtz gets out of his way! Also, Brad Pitt. I had to buy this thing on DVD. Why isn't it readily available? Is it because it's so boring it just washes over you and someone has to dump you in a show...

On the ninth day of Pitts-mas, a small child with spider legs gave to me, HAPPY TOGETHER Patrick Dempsey, before his McDreamy days, when he was a dork heartthrob of the the 80s, made this early 90s rom-com with Billie Jean herself, Helen Slater. He's a baby boy writer who's gone off to college. She's a free spirit actor who lied on her roommate sheet and now they live together. Will shenanigans oc...

On the eighth day of Pitts-mas, a killer gave to me, a slasher movie. Cutting Class. I've seen this one before! I completely misremembered who the killer was. Donovan Leitch gets out of the mental institution for killing his dad and returns to school.  Someone is killing off people at that school. Brad Pitt plays the kinda monstrous boyfriend of a girl everyone sexually harasses. What on earth is...

On the seventh day of Pitts-mas, a man came from the darkness, dressed in leather, and gave to me "The Dark Side of the Sun". Brad Pitt is a leather daddy. With a leather mask. And the mouth hole is leather and isnt actually a hole. Anyways, he's got this skin disorder where light will kill him (yes, even candlelight is lethal, no he's not a vampire). He's in the Czech Republic. He meets a lady wh...

On the sixth day of Pitts-mas, the Amish gave to me. Non-violence. Time for "A Stoning in Fulham County". A real Pitt role. He says words. He has a name. He helps stone a baby to death cause I guess people like to throw rocks at the Amish. Ron Perlman plays the dad of the baby. Everyone in town is garbage. Ken Olin is trying to bring justice as the d.a. Is this movie wildly boring? Maybe you shoul...

On the fifth day of Pitts-mas,  my new TV gave to me: So. Much. TV. Another World. Dallas. Growing Pains (2!). Head of the Class. Freddy's Nightmares. 21 Jump Street. Thirtysomething. Tales From the Crypt. Contact. You seen these? Rate, review, subscribe, call, email and get on that back catalog where we go through Billy Crudup, Ray Liotta, Keith Gordon, Robert Longstreet and Radha Mitchell.

On the fourth day of Pitts-mas,  Rip gave to me: Less Than Zero! Andrew McCarthy comes home from college for the holidays and in the three months he's been gone, everyone's strung out on cocaine and Robert Downey Jr. has to blow dudes to pay back James Spader. Can you find Brad? Jules couldn't. Jason did. And then Jason also apparently imagined him in another scene he wasn't in. Have you been danc...