Velvet Al Watches Movies So You Don't Have To

Velvet Al Watches Ninja: The Final Duel So You Don't Have To 30.09.2022 45:34 ↓

Velvet Al watched this movie because he heard there was a swordfight featuring a naked woman. Unfortunately, that scene was cut from the copy he watched.

Velvet Al Watches Left Behind: World At War So You Don't Have To 16.09.2022 48:26 ↓

God can perform miracles. Like making Velvet Al sit through this entire film. Theme song: "Never F*ck With Catgirls" by The Living Braindead

Velvet Al Watches Videoverse So You Don't Have To 02.09.2022 46:06 ↓

How can a movie with this much boobage suck so much? Theme song: "Never F*ck With Catgirls" by The Living Braindead

Velvet Al Watches Fountaine And The Vengeful Nun That Wouldn't Die So You Don't Have To 19.08.2022 48:25 ↓

This movie features a one eyed nun slicing up a Nazi dominatrix's vagina with a chainsaw. So it has that going for it. Theme song: "Never F*ck With Catgirls" by The Living Braindead

Velvet Al Watches El Monstro Del Mar So You Don't Have To 05.08.2022 47:15 ↓

Imagine if the women from "Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill" had to fight a sea monster. Velvet Al wishes he could watch the movie you imagined instead.

Velvet Al Watches Sworn To Justice So You Don't Have To 22.07.2022 1:14:10 ↓

We never find out if Dan The Man wins the mayoral election. But we do sort of see Cynthia Rothrock's boobs. This week's theme song: "Don't F*ck With Catgirls" by The Living Braindead

Velvet Al Watches Assault On Devil's Island So You Don't Have To 08.07.2022 1:28:51 ↓

The Hulkster doesn't have his mustache, brother, but Shannon Tweed has her boobs, sister. This week's theme song: "Cults" by The Moving Image. https://www.facebook.com/themovingimageTMI/

Velvet Al Watches American Force 6 So You Don't Have To 04.07.2022 44:19 ↓

What better way to celebrate the 4th of July than following the further adventures of the American Force, who comprise about 6% of the screen time in this film about a Chinese breakout?

Velvet Al Watches Thor And The Amazon Women So You Don't Have To 24.06.2022 1:10:03 ↓

Can Thor teach women that they need to get back in the kitchen?

Velvet Al Watches Thor: End Of Days So You Don't Have To 10.06.2022 1:13:34 ↓

Eh, still more enjoyable than The Dark World.

Velvet Al Watches "Who's Your Caddy?" So You Don't Have To 27.05.2022 1:12:58 ↓

Who remakes "Caddyshack" and doesn't include the gopher or Kenny Loggins?

Velvet Al Watches Kindergarten Cop 2 So You Don't Have To 15.05.2022 1:28:06 ↓

During his glorious return to the hit podcast, Velvet Al accidentally ingests hand sanitizer. While we don't suggest doing this, it might be preferable to watching Kindergarten Cop 2.

Velvet Al Watches "Super Mario Bros: The Quest To Save Princess Peach" So You Don't Have To 19.01.2022 51:19 ↓

It can't be any worse than the upcoming Chris Pratt movie, can it?

Velvet Al Watches Trailer Park Shark So You Don't Have To 12.01.2022 51:25 ↓

Mr. Belding wields a samurai sword. Why couldn't he have done that in a good movie?

Velvet Al Watches Invasion Of The Bee Girls So You Don't Have To 05.01.2022 41:24 ↓

Bee girls will f*ck you to death. Eh, there's worse ways to go.

Velvet Al Watches Bloody New Year So You Don't Have To 31.12.2021 39:23 ↓

Ring in the new year with a movie about New Year's that isn't actually set during New Year's.

Velvet Al Watches Christmas Twister So You Don't Have To 25.12.2021 44:25 ↓

Special bonus Christmas treat. Velvet Al watches a movie so low budget they couldn't afford spell check for their title screen.

Velvet Al Watches Jingle All The Way 2 So You Don't Have To 24.12.2021 58:57 ↓

How dare they sully the good name of "Jingle All The Way"?

Velvet Al Watches Blood Monkey So You Don't Have To 14.12.2021 55:34 ↓

Celebrate National Monkey Day with a movie that's sort of about a monkey. Plus a couple of shorts involving monkeys at Christmas time.

Velvet Al Watches Home Sweet Home Alone So You Don't Have To 08.12.2021 1:06:15 ↓

The bad guys are a family on the verge of losing their home who are trying to get back a valuable doll that was stolen from them. Ain't that America?

Velvet Al Watches Mistletoe and Menorahs So You Don't Have To 01.12.2021 1:08:02 ↓

He learns about Christmas. She learns about Hanukkah. Velvet Al learns to hate his life.

Velvet Al Watches "Thankskilling 3" So You Don't Have To 24.11.2021 55:54 ↓

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Velvet Al is thankful that this movie ended.

Velvet Al Watches "The Gods Must Be Crazy 3: Crazy Safari" So You Don't Have To 18.11.2021 53:05 ↓

The Gods must be sadistic for unleashing this monstrosity. But on the bright side, there's a Chinese vampire.

Velvet Al Watches The Day My Kid Went Punk So You Don't Have To 11.11.2021 53:11 ↓

Punks. They're just like you and me. As a bonus, Velvet Al also watches "What If I'm Gay?" Gay people. They're also just like you and me.

Velvet Al Watches Llamageddon So You Don't Have To 03.11.2021 45:22 ↓

Are you getting it? Yes, llamageddon it.