Velvet Al Watches Movies So You Don't Have To

This film provides the most important life lesson you'll ever receive: If you shun Jesus and embrace communism, you will get candy.

Extra long episode for extra learning. Films watched: -Wastage of Human Resources -We Work Again -What About Juvenile Deliquency? -What About Prejudice? -What Makes A Good Party? -What To Do On A Date -You Can Tell By The Teller -Your Name Here

This week, Velvet Al learns about tranquilizers, stockings, elementary school driver's ed, and making friends the Dick York way. Films watched: -The Relaxed Wife -Shy Guy -The Snob -Story of a Star -Three Little Kittens -Tomorrow's Drivers

This week, Velvet Al learns about cars, puberty, the sexy side of lifeguarding and how robots will make housewives obsolete. Films watched: "Key To Our Horizons" "Lady Lifeguards" "Leave It To Roll Oh" "Magic In The Air" "Molly Grows Up" "Police Dogs In Action"

This week, Velvet Al learns about gossip at the workplace, atomic bombs, and the difficulty of making ice. Films watched: "Gags And Gals" "The Grapevine" "The Hare And The Tortoise" "House In The Middle" "Human Reproduction" "Ice Harvest"

Join Velvet Al as he learns about grooming, pesticides, office cattiness, and how the educational system is failing in the Appalachian Mountains. Films watched: "Bright Young Newcomer," "Care Of Hair And Nails," "Children Must Learn," "Daft Inventions," "Doomsday For Pests," and "Facing Reality."

Join Velvet Al as he learns about beer, bananas, and the blood that comes out of a woman's body through the opening between her legs. Films watched: "About Bananas" "All Women Have Periods" "As Boys Grow" "As We Like It" "Bacteria, Friend And Foe" "Better Use Of Leisure Time"

I don't know what's weirder. That there's a third Indian remake of "Baby's Day Out" or that they named it "James Bond"?

The second Indian "Baby's Day Out" remake. This one features musical numbers, dirt bike racing, shoot outs, a monkey with a gun, and a young child being blown up. Everything John Hughes should've included.

Did you know that in India, there are three (THREE!) remakes of "Baby's Day Out"? 

A late 2000s childrens cartoon. A 1940s adventure serial set in Africa. Which one has more racist stereotypes? The answer might surprise you.

I watched "Hamburger The Motion Picture" last week. May as well follow it up with "Hot Dog The Movie."

Leonard Maltin once said that anyone who'd watch a movie with this title deserved what they got. Well, I got what I deserved.

This is Sean Connery's final film performance. I think he only did it because he misunderstood when they told him it was a film about a smelly beaver.

What does a Japanese sexploitation film and a children's educational show have in common? Nothing, but I had some time to kill with this episode.

Maybe it's a sharp social critique of how in modern society, we're so preoccupied with ourselves, we don't notice the dangers other people are in. Or maybe it's a crappy movie.

This movie probably would've been better if they hadn't spent so much of the budget buying Michael Caine a house.

I think there might've been a plot somewhere in here, but I was too busy checking out the cheerleader asses to notice.

Meh, still a better superhero film than Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer.

Your inner teenage goth girl also thinks this movie sucks.

The faceless giants have faces and are of about average height. And Super Argo is bulletproof but still jumps out of the way when someone shoots at him.

At some point I was going to have to do a Lifetime movie. At some point I was going to have to do an Eric Roberts movie. I get to kill two birds with one stone this week.

When you're Jay Z, you can command top billing for a 30 second cameo. Also, did you know that there was a time when Kevin Hart wasn't making movies? This is the film that ended those dark days.

A 1980s horror comedy about a man whose curse is to become a cross  dresser during the full moon? I'm sure that it'll in no way be offensive.

The gorilla was just horny. Is that so wrong? Much shorter than normal episode, but really, not all that much happens in this film.