Velvet Al Watches Movies So You Don't Have To

Baywatch Nights Season 1, Episode 3: Silent Witness 30.06.2023 33:50 ↓

We really hoped the witness was silent because she was a mute. What a let down.

Velvet Al Watches The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course So You Don't Have To 23.06.2023 1:02:10 ↓

Possibly the only podcast you'll ever hear where someone pontificates on Steve Irwin's sex life.

Baywatch Nights Season 1, Episode 2: Bad Blades 16.06.2023 30:47 ↓

Wayne Arnold commits crimes for J Peterman while wearing roller blades. It's pretty radical.

Velvet Al Watches Joker's Poltergeist: The Aurora Massacre So You Don't Have To 09.06.2023 48:51 ↓

We learn that the only thing that can stop a bad clown with a gun is a projectionist with a gun. Oh, and the clown calls himself a joker and shoots up a movie theater. And one of the main characters is named Aurora Palace. So yeah, this movie is as tactful, subtle and sensitive as you'd expect.

Baywatch Nights, Season 1, Episode 1: Pursuit 02.06.2023 40:14 ↓

Velvet Al is going to watch all the episodes of "Baywatch Nights" so you don't have to. He's not sure why, either.

Velvet Al Watches Amazing Ape So You Don't Have To 26.05.2023 1:12:32 ↓

At no point in the film does the ape wear a lab coat. That's flagrant false advertisement by the cover art.

Velvet Al Watches Song Of The South So You Don't Have To 12.05.2023 1:22:18 ↓

You don't have to be racist to enjoy this film, but it helps.

Velvet Al Watches Best Night Ever So You Don't Have To 28.04.2023 45:35 ↓

"What if noted horror studio Blumhouse decided to make a sex comedy?" is the question nobody asked.

Velvet Al Watches Peter Rottentail So You Don't Have To 09.04.2023 52:07 ↓

A film so low budget, they couldn't afford to hire some strippers for the strip club scene.

Velvet Al Watches The Brown Bunny So You Don't Have To 31.03.2023 38:09 ↓

I haven't seen Roger Ebert's colonoscopy, but it probably is more entertaining than this.

Velvet Al Watches Fatal Deviation So You Don't Have To 17.03.2023 1:05:52 ↓

Four words: Irish martial arts film. Happy St. Patricks Day.

Velvet Al Watches Titanic: The Legend Goes On So You Don't Have To 03.03.2023 51:20 ↓

It doesn't have Kate Winslet's boobs, but it does have a rapping dog.

Velvet Al Watches Cupid So You Don't Have To 14.02.2023 1:00:49 ↓

The Valentine's Day episode of this podcast is episode 69. Nice.

Velvet Al Watches Ringmaster So You Don't Have To 03.02.2023 58:39 ↓

Velvet's Final Thoughts: Don't watch this movie.

Velvet Al Watches My Tale Is Hot (And Sex Madness) So You Don't Have To 20.01.2023 1:07:25 ↓

Sometimes I get tired trying to write a funny synopsis.

Velvet Al Watches Milfs Vs Zombies So You Don't Have To 06.01.2023 44:02 ↓

Not since "Snakes On A Plane" has a movie delivered on its title and still disappointed.

Velvet Al Watches A Karate Christmas Miracle So You Don't Have To 24.12.2022 53:55 ↓

Karate, psychics, clowns, a mass shooting and Eric Roberts. What more could you want from a Christmas movie?

Velvet Al Watches A Wrestling Christmas Miracle So You Don't Have To 24.12.2022 44:33 ↓

An amateur wrestler overthrows Congo's dictator after wrestling an elephant. Sounds awesome, right? Unfortunately, that's the C plot, and we only hear about it on the radio.

Velvet Al Watches A Doggone Christmas So You Don't Have To 23.12.2022 49:37 ↓

This episode was recorded in front of a green screen. But it's audio only so that was a waste.

Velvet Al Watches The Santa Suit So You Don't Have To 22.12.2022 1:04:24 ↓

What do Kevin Sorbo and Glenn Danzig have in common? They'll both hate me after this episode.

Velvet Al Watches Red Velvet So You Don't Have To 11.12.2022 34:23 ↓

It's my birthday! What better movie to watch than one set at a birthday party and includes half my name in the title? Well, probably any other movie would've been better.

Velvet Al Watches Shark Side Of The Moon So You Don't Have To 25.11.2022 52:50 ↓

We're still convinced the Russian guy totally f*cked a shark.

Velvet Al Watches Linda Lovelace For President So You Don't Have To 08.11.2022 51:55 ↓

Our country is going down the tubes. Why not vote for someone experienced in going down?

Velvet Al Watches Frogs So You Don't Have To 28.10.2022 42:28 ↓

If you took out all the shots of people, you'd have a pretty neat nature documentary.

Velvet Al Watches The Magic Voyage So You Don't Have To 10.10.2022 36:08 ↓

In this version of the Christopher Columbus story, he brings magical creatures instead of smallpox.