Up Yours, Downstairs! A Downton Abbey Podcast

Kelly and Tom run their coverage of  Titanic: BS  straight into an iceberg with this quick and dirty recap of the final five episodes. They talk about Simple Jack perhaps more than necessary, complain about Muir and Princess Steel, wish Michael McCann was in a better show, marvel at the resourcefulness of one “Kitty Burlington,” get mad at the elder Mr. Hatton, watch Sofia almost-but-n...

Kelly & Tom continue their arduous slog through  Titanic BS  with their recap of Episode 7.  They celebrate the return of Chris Noth’s mustache, puzzle over Neve Campbell’s otherworldly, hideously costumed press agent, start shipping Malandrews, wonder what happened to Sad Andrea, kill a German munitions supplier, encourage the Cousins to open a bar and grocery, talk a lot about ri...

This week, Kelly & Tom skip ahead to  Titanic BS  Episode 6 on account of Episode 5 containing more BS than usual.  There, they anticipate being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, figure out whether we are supposed to feel bad for Kitty Carlton, find a new favorite solicitor, hope that Violetta is hooking, mistake a German for an Irishman, wonder how many mini-Muirs Mark has left in his wake, and...

In this recap of  Titanic BS  Episode 3, Kelly and Tom go on the hunt to locate Ewan McGregor, capture some escaped blue, explain Bastille Day to hipsters, reform the educational system, spot an attractive ginger, and give career counseling to Sad Andrea. Lord Pirrie’s hat is sincere, Sofia’s button is suspicious, Dad’s gin bottle is traditional, and Chris Noth’s mustache i...

In this belated recap of  Titanic BS  E2 (now with a spaghetti co-host!), Kelly & Tom marvel at the Muirscope, demand more of JP Morgan’s mustache, rejoice at the return of Lady Skunkhead, balk at the beigeness of the Hatton family, gape at Kitty’s brazenness, wonder if Lord Pirrie and Mr. Andrews are related, and laugh and laugh at Simple Jack. Kelly attempts to make an offensive...

This week, Kelly and Tom finally get around to recapping  Titanic BS –no steel barons allowed! Amidst the color saturated splendor and completely inappropriate sexual tension of Edwardian Belfast, they marvel at Neve Campbell’s “acting,” the period-appropriate whores, the machinations of the Onion Organizer, Stephen Oven-Bake, and Chris Noth’s mustache’s fantast...

It’s time to close the doors on Series One of  Mr. Selfridge –we think. It’s possible that Jeremy Piven has been running around, setting all the clocks five minutes ahead. Kelly and Tom get unbelievably angry at Mr. Grove, imagine  Sherlock Without Sherlock , weigh the pros and cons of living like the Eskimo, worry that Rosalie has appendicitis, laugh at King Edward VII, introduce C...

Kelly & Tom go nuts for tea huts in their coverage of Mr. Selfridge Episodes 7 & 8. Their more quick-witted than usual observations extend to remembering that Drunky McGin exists, the plight of colorblind Edwardians, the return of Lady May’s hair bra, how Selfridge’s might have capitalized on the sinking of Titanic , Mr. LeClair’s snazzy new iPhonograph, an imagined MySpace rivalry be...

In this recap of  Mr. Selfridge  episodes 5 & 6, Kelly and Tom crash headlong into a heap of scandal! They go to the papers with tales of gin-soaked bums, Jeremy Piven’s excellent yelling skills, a (nearly) fool-proof method of telling the Selfridge children apart, Lady May’s gigolo-naming system, which ‘ships are okay to support, the worst flashback sequence of all time, and th...

Kelly and Tom return at long last with a recap of Mr. Selfridge episodes 3 & 4 sure to delight and amaze even the most curmudgeonly Cousins! They cover the awfulness of Viking River Cruises and the PBS video player, the over/under on whether Lady May and Ellen Love are actually vampires, Fake Gyllenhaal’s dilettantism, Nude Day at Selfridge’s, dick-flavored chicken, getting married in pubs, Bo...

Kelly and Tom set out to change the way the internet experiences Mr. Selfridge . Their discussion of the two-hour Masterpiece Classic premiere involves a LOT of made-up names, LinneyWatch 2013, the smile that dropped a thousand panties, the Ginger Gregson, a Torchwood alien, and the niceness of people being nice to one another. All this, plus Kelly is the Regina George of slumber parties, Tom is d...

Kelly and Tom wrap up their wrap-up discussion of Downton Abbey , Series 3. They ponder how to solve a problem like Molesley, the ever changing cast of babies, Isis-shaped lamps, the merits of sharing a diaper with a monkey, Ireland’s lack of cinematic quality, the real Dante’s Inferno , Mary’s similarity to the Queen Mother, the new musical sensation Thoroughly Dismayed Lord Gra...

This week, to the surprise of everyone, including themselves, Kelly and Tom kick off the first of a two-part (possibly three-part) Downton Abbey Series Three recap discussion! They cover alternative ways to write Matthew Crawley out of the show, the failings of the TARDIS when parsing trans-Atlantic slang, whether or not twigs are allowed in British prisons, heroin-addled costume designers, the he...

In their final super-sized  Downton Abbey  recap for this season, Kelly and Tom finally catch up with the rest of the world as the events of “Journey to the Highlands” unfold.  They chat about Lady Mary’s magically disappearing baby bump, the Crawley House motto, Branson’s  Home Alone  experience, Rose’s side-boob, haggis hats, O’Brien’s utterly terrifying...

Take a tour of the revolting world of a double-wide episode of UYDS!  In this episode, Kelly and Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E7 and S3:E8 in an attempt to reconcile themselves with PBS’ dumb programming schedule. Not only do they cover two totally riveting episodes, but Kelly attempts to sing the score of Norman & Simon’s The Secret Garden , Tom casts aspersions on the fair city of...

This recap of Downton Abbey S3:E6 is brought to you courtesy of podcast network BaldMove.com, the new home of UYDS! Kelly and Tom discuss crackpot theories, ways to make the podcast profitable, and the joy of wordplay. They also criticize Mrs. Bartlett’s wallpaper, Isobel’s face, and Bates’s very existence. They also seek out a mirror for O’Brien, a musical role for Jimmy K...

Kelly and Tom sob their way through this emotional recap of Downton Abbey S3:E5, possibly one of the best episodes of the show to date.  The tearful twosome observe Daisy’s rapid transformation into Mrs. Patmore, Junior; welcome converts to the Church of Shank Bates; roll their eyes at the wacky exploits of Ethel in the kitchen; reveal who, in fact, is the walrus; marvel anew at the sheer aw...

Kelly and Tom recap the dumbest thing ever, AKA Downton Abbey S3:E4.  On the plus side, this episode features Thomas’s erotic pen pal, toffee noses, the comedy stylings of the Dowager Countess, a newfangled electric toaster, Ethel’s plotline finally paying some dividends and the really, really, ridiculously good-looking Jimmy Kent. Unfortunately, it also includes far too much Murder Pr...

Kelly and Tom celebrate the Year of the Twat in their recap of Downton Abbey S3:E3. They discuss O’Brien’s pickled bangs, Isobel’s Whore Institute, the adventures of Anna Bates, PI, the reason it’s hard to call Branson ‘Tom,’ McG’s unexpected ascendance to the show’s official voice of reason, the ins and outs of European car rental in 1920, and why t...

Kelly and Tom are bringing strumpet back in this recap of Downton Abbey S3E2. Daisy reveals herself as the Cassandra of Downton, Matthew and Mary keep having sex in lieu of an honest conversation about finance, our favorite replacement ginger reappears, Reed’s magical origins are uncovered, and MacL shares a sexually charged moment with the Dowager Countess. Kelly wonders if there was ever r...

Welcome back to Yorkshire, Cousins!  At long last, Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E1!  They lay out their Linney strategy, speculate about Mary’s fertility, complain about how bitchy all the characters got while on hiatus, go into mourning for McG’s hat, come up with a Branson/Matthew spinoff, wish that Sybil had spent her travel money on a new wardrobe, marvel at the beauty of...

Kelly and Tom wish the Cousins happy holidays with this special podcast covering Mary Poppins! They discuss the film’s hidden protagonist, what was really going on during that “jolly holiday,” Dick Van Dyke’s accent, PL Travers’ dealings with Walt Disney, the fastest bath in history, whether or not Mary Poppins was a secret Communist, and the way the Banks kids are ug...

It’s mainly history in this second “Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards” episode as Kelly and Tom give book reports on Black Edwardians by Jeffrey Green and Edward and the Edwardians by Phillippe Jullian, neither of which are worth reading if you don’t host a Downton Abbey podcast.  They also pitch a reboot of The Craft starring Britain’s grand old dames, express disgust at the nickname “Tum-Tum...

SPOILER ALERT: Kelly & Tom break off their engagement with A Room With a View early on in this podcast.  They still talk about it–at length–but despite their undying love of Cecil, they just can’t sign off on the Merchant Ivory classic.  Fortunately, they do manage to reveal Queen Elizabeth II’s favorite film, brainstorm Twitter handles for EM Forster characters, muse a...

At long last, Kelly and Tom finally say “smell ya later” to James Cameron’s Titanic.  They give Old Rose what for, speculate about what Young Rose did to survive once she arrived in New York, discuss the true meaning of “going Galt,” pine for vintage Britney Spears videos, watch Lovejoy tussle with some ghosts, and compare the Titanic cast to the cast of The Princess Bride.  They also announce the...