Untoxicated Podcast

Intimacy repair work starts with building emotional intimacy. Even when we crave the connection of physical contact, if the emotional foundation has not been established and nurtured, then sex will feel unfulfilling, and even destructive. Learn about the work of intimacy repair, and hear Matt accidentally stumble upon Sheri’s nickname from her high school job. Check out the all new Untoxicat...

When we met Luke, he was ready to get serious about sobriety, and he was eager to recover his marriage. Now, months later, he is making serious progress in recovery, but Luke’s marriage has dissolved. Please listen to Luke share his raw and vulnerable story of triumph through heartbreak. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast  YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic r...

Cheap Trick had it half right. As Sheri and Matt break down, it is much healthier if, “I want you to want me,” than if, “I need you to need me.” Need versus want. Love versus like. Significant nuance as our society maneuvers through a monumental shift in cultural role changes that impact relationships in consequential ways. Sheri and Matt are about to launch the  Untoxicate...

Some people count their sobriety days. For Sheri and Matt, sobriety is just a prerequisite. The really exciting day count comes as they cross over a full year without a relationship relapse. No yelling. No name calling. No vindictive blaming. No meltdowns all the way around the calendar. Is avoiding relationship relapse a strategy, or a result of other hard work? Listen to Sheri’s take on ho...

Trigger warning: domestic violence This is a unique and risky episode because Victoria is currently “in it.” This is not a story with an ending, it is trauma and chaos experienced in real time. Listen to Victoria explain her confusion and uncertainty as she lives through a, “textbook version of the Man vs. Alcohol tragedy.” Sheri and Matt are about to launch the  Untoxicate...

From kayak cross to gymnastics, where else would you turn for your Olympics recap than to Sheri and Matt. This episode has it all: compliments for Alcoholics Anonymous, celebration for partners who fill their own buckets, further emphasis on emotional safety, a tragic tale of misinterpreted detachment, and a little squabble about Shaquille O’Neal’s height. If you love or loved an alcoh...

The contrast between their few identifiable needs when they met their partners, and their clear needs after suffering through an alcoholic relationship, is striking. Please listen to Nickie, Eve, Melanie, Kristin, Nicole, Lauren, Ali and Julie live from the third annual Echoes of Recovery summer retreat in the Rocky Mountains. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from...

Sheri and Matt talk a lot about processing resentments together, and how it helps repair their relationship. But what if your partner is not available, not willing or not capable of processing resentments with you? Sheri and Matt explore a solo process of digging deep into the “why,” analyzing the fear and finding empathy for the benefit of the person stuck holding onto resentments. If...

Melanie fell in love with her best friend – a nature-loving, long-haired bad boy with a good heart. They built a life together including marriage, kids, businesses and lots of pets. And now alcohol has stollen the love of her life and left Melanie a widow far too young. Please listen as she tells this tragic love story and explains how she is climbing back from guilt and grief. If you would...

Matt reveals to Sheri his theory that there is only one true emotion: fear. The couple discuss how fear drive’s Matt’s addictions, and how fearlessness is a big part of the peace and contentment Sheri enjoys. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our  Alcoholic Intimacy Survey . If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functio...

Billy Wynne is the co-founder of Awake, Denver’s first sober bar, alcohol-free bottle shop and coffee house. Billy joins Sheri and Matt to discuss the explosion of alcohol-free beers, wines and spirits. They discuss what is driving the emerging trends, the demographics of the alcohol-free beverage industry and the importance of individual choice as the social culture shifts. Click here for t...

To celebrate this milestone episode, Sheri and Matt go into more detail, and share preliminary research indications, about the importance of intimacy work for relationship recovery. If you are waiting for intimacy and trust to rebuild, without actively engaging in an intimacy practice, you are likely adding time to your suffering. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out ou...

What could be a higher priority than your own health, safety, growth, and discovery? And yet, people often say they are too busy to work on recovery from alcoholism – both former drinkers and loved ones alike. Sheri and Matt talk about why and how they prioritize their mental and emotional health, and why “busy” is an excuse and a defeatist mindset. If you are or were the partner...

Lori Pannell is a leadership coach certified in Conversational Intelligence, and she is an Energy Leadership Index master practitioner. She is also a valued leader in our Echoes of Recovery program, and she joins Sheri and Matt to talk about how thoughts lead to feelings which drive our actions. Lori shares some really practical advice about managing feelings and emotions that is applicable to bot...

If you are searching for hope and inspiration, please listen to the story of Kathy and Mike Mazzerina from the Defining You podcast and facebook page . By owning their story of addiction and redemption, Kathy and Mike are inspiring others to find recovery and growth. But they are doing something else, too. Through their vulnerability, and encouraging each other to keep showing up, they are rebuild...

Detachment is not necessarily something you do, as people often assume. Detachment is a natural result of living in hyper-vigilance, in nervous system activation for long periods of time. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about fight, flight, freeze and fawn, and how being constantly activated leads to nervous system overwhelm. That’s where detachment lives. If you would like to learn mor...

Everyone knows what physical abuse is, and it is clearly not acceptable in modern relationships. What makes emotional abuse so sinister is that it is often justified by perpetrators in disbelief and hard to identify by conditioned victims. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Paul Colaianni – behavior and relationship coach, and host of The Love and Abuse Podcast . Paul shares the issues...

Vulnerability and authenticity are hard when you have experienced alcoholism first or second hand, but they are also essential to recovery and discovery. Maybe you have done a lot of listening and reading, but have protected your secret. Maybe you think joining our SHOUT Sobriety or Echoes of Recovery groups are your only next step, and you are trying to build up the courage. There is something el...

Listen to Teaubrian, Rich and Ben discuss their evolution of thinking and experiences in both personal and relationship recovery after beating alcoholism. This conversation is all about authenticity and awareness of themselves and the people around them. It’s also about building something new. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our  Alcoholic Intimacy Survey . I...

Listen to Jane, Karen, Nickie, Lori and Nicole describe their decision making and experiences staying in their marriages as they recover from the alcoholism of their partners. This episode is about individual growth and discovery just as much as it is about the changes in their relationships. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our  Alcoholic Intimacy Survey . If you l...

After the chaos and trauma of active alcoholism, loved ones naturally lose respect for their drinkers. Advice from the recovering alcoholic is often not welcome, and can do serious damage to the relationship. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relate their personal experience with both unwanted advice, and regained respect. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our  Alcohol...

During Matt’s active addiction, Sheri and Matt had to try to run communication through a variety of contrived filters in order to be nice to each other. On this episode, the couple talks about the process they went through to get from artificial and occasional bouts of niceness to a genuine and consistent pattern of being nice. As is so often the case, sobriety is just the prerequisite. If y...

There are two things that can happen to sex and intimacy in a relationships suffering through alcoholism. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Nikki, Rene and Nicole who share their experiences with both traumatizing outcomes. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our  Alcoholic Intimacy Survey . If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from...

The chaos and trauma of active addiction is obvious. But what about before we acknowledge alcoholism? What about before we cross that invisible line? The efforts we make to manipulate our partners seem simple, even helpful, on the surface. But the partners of alcoholics often suffer from anxiety caused by not feeling worthy. When partners eventually lose respect for their alcoholic, they often fin...

Original co-host of the podcast, Jason Polk is a relationship therapist with a sub-specialization in addiction counseling. On this episode, Sheri and Matt ask Jason about the dangers of substituting weed for alcohol, and how porn impacts relationships. To hear more from Jason, check out his podcast: Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships. If you are or were the partner of an al...