Untoxicated Podcast

Halloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode about haunting memories of Halloweens in early November because we know so many of our listeners have just suffered traumatic alcoholic experiences, and we want to empathetically and supportively share our painful recollections. You are not alone! Th...

There is no doubt that the loved ones of alcoholics are victims, and that they require healing from the disease as the second-hand drinkers. But the label, “codependent,” is often misused to make the loved ones feel blamed and shamed for loving a person who suffers from addiction. Dawn experienced the pain of that blame, and on this episode, she tells Sheri and Matt all about it. Dawn...

The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn’t for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hijacked by alcohol just took a year or so to adjust to his sobriety. Even after that year, Matt dealt with secondary addictions as he worked to understand the underlying causes of his alcoholism. A lot of people complain of a joyless recovery and...

When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily’s: Dr. Emily Morse of the  Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are . On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily’s, and relate what they have le...

Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening? One of the major contributing factors to that alcohol-related whiplash is decision fatigue. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the reasons drinking alcohol adds volume and complexity to our decision making leaving us incapable of making good...

The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholic husband. As is the case with most things related to the disease of addiction, an alcoholic marriage is quite often a great deal more complicated than that. In this episode, Matt reads excerpts from an essay Liz wrote about the stormy year of alcoho...

When Matt thought he most needed Sheri’s support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri’s detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That’s one of the reasons we d...

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resour...

The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting – the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On this episode, Sheri talks about the impact of Matt’s gaslighting on her, and Matt provides an explanation for why gaslighting comes so naturally and is such a universal aspect of alcoholic relationships. They talk about the long-lasting e...

Worrying about stuff seems a common characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. The object of concern can be work related, a family matter, or frankly, just about anything big or small. We use alcohol ineffectively to manage the worries. But this question remains: Does life stress create alcoholics, or does alcohol use create bad stress management skills and techniques? On this episode, Sheri a...

We received so much feedback about “ Ep99 – Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse “, that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned follow-up episode. Some listeners were surprised to learn that challenges linger in extended recovery. Others empathized with the continued struggle. Still others felt like Matt’s insecurities continue while Sheri continues to...

100! This is episode 100! What better way could there be to celebrate than by hosting the people the podcast is for, and who inspire the topics we discuss. For Ep100, Sheri and Matt welcome Jessica, Kim, Suzy, Karen, Nickie, Barbara, Haley and Suzanne from our Echoes of Recovery program. This expert panel discusses why a support network is crucial to the successful recovery of the loved ones of al...

No alcohol, nor any other drugs, were involved in the making of this episode. This is about a relationship relapse back into the pit of hell. It is said that when we see devastation, we can’t unsee it. Once we’ve experienced hopeless despair, we leave breadcrumbs on the shortcut that leads back to painful desperation. For Sheri and Matt, July 14, 2021 was the most crushing day of their...

On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss another way to breakdown alcoholism into two components. Alcohol creates arrogant, rude, unsatisfied drinkers who create arguments and chaos. At the same time, stress makes alcohol necessary, and pushes the consumption to escalate. The couple discusses how the interaction between stress and alcohol played out in their relationship, and how the desire for rel...

Warning: Ep97 includes discussions about suicide and domestic violence. Sarah was born last of six siblings in a house dominated by alcoholism and other mental illness. When her brothers and sister grew up and moved out, she was left to navigate the storm by herself. She’s always been close with her siblings – the way people are sometimes bonded together by trauma. But now, as Sarah tr...

Sobriety has brought improvement to the lives of Sheri and Matt and their family, but it has created a whole new set of problems, too. Matt is now reliable, predictable, and even safe and approachable. But he is not any fun. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss Matt’s ridiculous work hours he uses, in part, to fill the void left behind by alcohol, and the impact it is having on their fami...

There are a variety of reasons an alcoholic blames his drinking on his spouse. Matt should know. He consistently blamed his alcoholism on Sheri for all the different reasons. And now, he is here to say that the reasons are all bullshit. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the causes of this most potent form of gaslighting, and why it is so dangerous and utterly ridiculous. If you love or loved...

On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the changes in mood and family involvement for Matt in sobriety compared to active alcoholism. Increased input and participation of an alcoholic in sobriety is a lot for the family to absorb. Unwanted advice, a compulsive need to share, and lots of opinions have made Matt a challenge to handle for the exact opposite of the reason he was a handful as a drinke...

When Matt was actively drinking, Sheri had to deal with three unappealing characteristics of her alcoholic husband when on vacations or celebrating holidays: his moods were unpredictable, he was needy, and the alcohol accentuated his insecurities. There was nothing festive, and very little that was enjoyable, about vacationing with an alcoholic. Now, in significant sobriety, life continues for She...

Nickie knew she and Josh had relationship problems. When he first declared himself an alcoholic, she couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want to even think about a drinking problem until they had their marriage on good terms (little did she know at the time that the alcohol was the cause of the relationship troubles). Josh’s friends told him he was fine, his coworkers kept inviting h...

Rebuilding trust in an alcoholic relationship requires sobriety, and it requires time. There are no shortcuts, but there are things we can do to create a safe environment in which trust has a fighting chance to flourish. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the things that held Matt back from creating a safe environment in his active alcoholism and his early sobriety, and why things are differe...

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Abby Medcalf to the podcast. Abby is an author, a podcast host, a speaker, a psychologist, a recovery survivor, and has over 30 years of experience working with relationships and people in recovery. She tells Sheri and Matt why couples who think they have a communication problem almost always have a competition problem, and she explains why the person in the relationship...

All the loved ones of alcoholics want is peace, stability and predictability. How do you think that meshes with the wildly swinging pendulum of euphoria and misery that we call active alcoholism? And when the loved ones express the need for peace, the alcoholics get their feelings hurt. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the link between predictability in sobriety, and rebuilding trust in...

Do you ever look at your spouse and wonder what they are thinking or how their drinking spiraled the way it did? Have you ever wanted to tell your story, but the shame and shyness prevents you from finding the words? If so, then this episode might be for you. Toby (husband of Jane from Ep54 ) explains his innocent yet insidious decline into the grasp of alcoholism. He also shares what he is learni...

People almost universally believe what they are going through is unique when they are deep in the trauma and stress of an alcoholic marriage. Sadly, being deep in it is tragically common. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the signs they see, over and over again, that indicate a person is deep in it even when the sufferer is unsure of their predicament. They also discuss the best tools to get...