Umpire Pants

We recorded this a super long time ago so I have no idea what is in here, except the cat walked on the board and played a sound effect so loud I had to edit the file to make it quieter, and I don't edit ANYTHING. I'm doing a Dogme 95 type thing here.

We talked about some stuff, did some hyntz, the usual

This is from so long ago all I remember is that we watched the pumps and a bump video

We recorded this a long time ago and I haven't listened to it yet. I hope we didn't say anything bad!

Guess who didn't set a calendar reminder to release their podcast? I think this one is pretty good. I got about halfway through and didn't hear anything weird so fingers crossed! We recorded this one in person in the condo

Sloppy start; Oh Word?; dive bars; gelato; Puerto Viejo update; street music; concerts; disastrous Readers Digest quiz; AI writing sucks; quilts are underrated; hot dog pizza; Umpire Pants Out

Episode 255: Trip Reports I remembered to name the episode! Our trips to Costa Rica and Las Vegas; Mary gets very mad at us for interrupting her story (Bill mostly); we "ended" the episode early; < >; old folks homes and casinos; more Las Vegas; mom was a little mad we went to Vegas without her; best parts of Vegas; Shawn Kemp update; Bill needs a deadline; Bill lied about releasing this on the sa...

Surprise again! We reorded this about a month ago and I have neglected to upload it the whole time. Whoops! But I did learn something--I don't do anything if I don't have a deadline. Just kidding I already knew that. The deadline in this case is we started recording again so now I have 3 episodes piling up. I have no idea what we talked about because I didn't listen to it so hopefully nothing bad!...

Surprise! A new episode! Bill here. I'm in charge of editing and publishing so from now on the podcast will be late and full of Mary's lip smacking. Rant and rave/skeletons/driver's ed/bully sticks/bean bag chairs/Lethbridge fashion/house dressing/PSA: cars are dangerous/everything is getting worse update/Redmond is a small town/I don't know what the buttons do/Empire Pants Out

An old lady and two cool young people is back, baby! Which famous trio do we line up with? Bill has a Toe Update (not the pee toe, the other toe). Mary is fresh off her 70th birthday party. We're off Twitter. Beloved Robin Williams, Popeye, and joke stealing. Bill saw Three Days of the Condor. Jon Candy is the best. New Segment: Bustin' Mom's Balls! Mary is afraid to use her toaster oven knobs. We...

It's a re-run of our Halloween Episode! We have some new ones coming, so don't fret, folks! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Bill wasn't willing to drive over an hour to record with us in person, but we're back! THIS IS STILL OFFICIALLY A PODCAST! We're doing two-times a month eps now, folks. Bill's Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Detroiters. Shout out to our Canadian listeners! Have you heard the fake English Italian song? Mary is afraid of carwashes, but nothing else. Bill loved the Elvis movie, even though he just said...

Sorry for the long wait, but we’re back! Sort of. This was recorded while Kelley was out on vacation and she just finally posted it. We’ll be back-back soon. Hi to the Canadians! Bill’s family is at Comicon and costumes are discussed. Mary doesn’t like most vampire movies, and The Dayshift is no exception. Our dad is here, too! Bill watched the George Carlin and Gary Shandling documentaries on HBO...

Bill is on the phone and we talk about The Twits right off the bat. The Stupid’s books were great. The Godfather and Deer Hunter movies are mixed up in Kelley’s head. Kelley recommends Claws one final time as a “good bad show.” Bill recommends Banshee as another over the top show. Kelley has a New Wives Tale: You can freeze fresh guacamole!!! Mary ate some rotten beans and might die. We used to ha...

We're having a heat wave and Bill's hotdog toe isn't making him want to travel to Seattle, so we're taking a week off. Here is an episode from one year ago. We'll be back soon, folks! Love you! XOXO Kelley

Bill is calling in with a serious toe injury. !!!SKIP AHEAD to MINUTE FIVE (5:00) IF YOU’RE SQUIMISH!!! Mary hurt her back putting on pants and Kelley buzzed her head. What are we watching? Stranger Things; Only Murders in the Building; Obi Wan Kenobi (SPOILER ALRT – Obi Wan – I have no idea if Bill was joking about this being a spoiler – KJ). The stinger animals have beef with Mary – why? Herman...

Oh boy, I haven’t even started listening, but I know this one got super sloppy as the second of an outdoor double-header. The Mariners are getting fun, so we’re going to a game. Old racists don’t like baseball to be fun. Bill thinks people are secretly drinking a lot more. Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Lasagna. We talk sugar in tomato sauce. It’s Mary’s Anniversary, and she reveals she gets in a fig...

It’s a live outside recording today! We’re at Bill’s and he’s fresh off some serious R&R (Hawaii and Ween). Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Vape pens. Kelley has weird self imposed cheapskate rules. Biopics are all hokey! Mary watched RRR and she liked it…A LOT! What time of day should Kelley watch this long ass movie? Kelley again recommends Russion Doll with Natasha Lyonne. And the time travel movi...

It’s the second episode of a Double Header, but it’s early and Saturday so we’re not too worried. City fast food vs. suburban fast food. Acres of Clams is a gross tagline. Mary gives a cat update. Bill has to deal with Unemployment Fraud again. Mary got a bonus at the casino, but it sounds like the dealers are struggling. Max the Dog wants to stay in bed all morning. Lack of empathy in society. We...

Sorry, I’m not doing great, don’t have my shit together and have fallen down completely on releasing these on time, and I probably won’t ever get there again. This podcast is doomed and we all know it. Fuck the Patriarchy. Enjoy! We’ve had a shitty spring and no one should have lawns. Mary is moving to Cleveland. Bill finished RRR and gives it two thumbs up. New Wives Tale: Burt Reynolds Edition....

We’re back, baby! We have an Ice Cream Truck of the Week right up top! The Phony Call-y show, a podcast Kelley has been enjoying. Bill went to his Spanish speaking neighbor’s house for the first time! Mary found out about online sports gambling and we’re worried about this development. Mary was mean to the aquarium lady. Mary has a new waffle recipe. We have no sympathy for your June Gloom LA. Mar...

Hey guys! We'll be back tomorrow with an all new episode, but check out our Ice Cream Truck of the Week: The Phoney Call-y Show Podcast. Despite the fact Kelley Can't remember the first OR last name of one of the hosts, it's one of her current favs!

It’s mid-May movie talk! Mary brings a list of movies she likes and the variety is astounding. Rant and Rave: Spicy food strikes again. Kelley has some walking around stories. Mary was impressed by a guy’s purchase at Goodwill. Greenhouse prank or earthquake? We steal another Colbert Question: What happens when you die. Mary would hate Coffin Flop, even though it’s so good (everyone watch I Think...

Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate. It’s been cold, but spring is springing. Kelley was in Canada recently, enjoying their legal weed, and eating lots of dessert. Mary got a free room at a Casino and doesn’t understand how other people are spending so much gambling. Is astrology being more popular a bad omen? Kelley tried to pay for some tiny peppers recently and it was a whole thing. Purse t...

We’re back with Bill on the phone. Have you heard the limited edition episode, No. 238? Listen before we take it down. We talk about squirrels and raccoons and Kelley has to bring up an upsetting baby rabbit antidote for some reason. Bill tries to explain a vaporizer to Mary. We tell some stories of asshole geese. Mary went to the Smith Tower bar and recommends it but the elevator might be dicey....