Two Star Podcast

In which our heroes do a lot of admin and get the episode finished quickly to play DUNGEONS AND DICKHEADS, NEW FROM @TWOSTARPODCAST !!!

In which our heroes once again speak ill of the dead. Graham sabotages Daniel’s next date, Adam plays XCOM, Daniel flings a poo on a roof and Chris is on holiday.

In which our heroes plan a funeral. Chris doesn’t pay attention, Adam talks nonsense about elves and Dan demonstrates a complete lack of knowledge about undertakers.

In which our heroes do boring admin (on a beautiful spreadsheet), struggle at maths, plan Elton John’s Funeral and Disrespect the Wu Tang Clan (and Bruce Forsyth).

Our heroes reveal the most hot sought after contest of the year and compare neo-Nazis to Cinderella for some daft reason.

In which our heroes finally talk about cake. Adam talks about the Ready Player One trailer, Chris makes guinea pigs swim, Graham places everyone under citizen’s arrest and Dan prepares for fingering.

In which our heroes make amends and learn all about Neil Morrissey. Chris buys some furniture, Dan begins a career in esports and Adam becomes a disciple of Khorne.

In which Adam abandons his duties as responsible adult and as a result the children suffer severe technical difficulties.  They get their revenge by choosing a title that will annoy him and then stalk their newest superfan (JAMES FROM CRAWLEY) for about an hour. To be honest, this is probably more of interest to the police as evidence than as an entertainment. For those of you asking (no-one has a...

In which our heroes learn about opposites. Graham is befuddled by a Northern child, Chris bemoans the lack of West Country representation on TV and Adam is a racist. Dan is absent because he was fingerbanging a girl on a nightbus.

In which our heroes travel to far-away Nottingham. Adam can’t be bothered to edit out a washing machine, Chris colludes with the Russians and Dan definitely gets put in a bin.

In which our heroes plan a bespoke live episode for Dave from Birmingham, Chris seeks poo advice and remembers that he is friends with a pervert (not Graham!), Graham confesses to voyeurism and plagiarism and Daniel is a DIRTY, DIRTY BOY. Edit – He played Gethin.

In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.

In which our heroes disappear up their own bumholes for a bit, declare war on yet another podcast and add something wonderful to the whole Dan-in-a-bin situation

In which Graham diagnoses what will kill Christopher to death, Adam tries to convince his animated corpse to go to a music festival and yet again they completely fail to record anything even remotely resembling a podcast.  THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO WORMS IN CHRISTOPHER’S POO!

In which our heroes sing about Roger Moore. Dan invents some awful sex toys, Graham unveils his new business venture, Adam buys some drugs, and Chris starts self-harming.

In which our heroes discuss Dan’s travel plans, lookup rude place names, launch burning foxes into food banks, entrap badgers and bully Adam into doing an accent.

In which Chris bravely leaks the suppressed audio recordings that Daniel tried to destroy.

In which our heroes discuss work, nappies and the science of things rotting.  Then the dreaded technical difficulties occur.

In which some things happen that no-one can remember because it was so long ago.  Maybe our heroes went on dates with old men.  Probably there was the Rock.  There was some horror with a dildo.

In which our heroes gorge themselves on cheese, survive food poisoning and Graham looks forward to his inevitable decline into dementia; all topped off with a return visit to the first dates restaurant!

In which our heroes go trainspotting. Graham suffers performance issues, Chris starts his own detective agency, Adam handles dead animals and Dan is on a train. I apologise for the (even by our standards) poor quality audio of this week’s episode but it was stitched together from 18 separate source recordings and Dan lives in a trainyard.

In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider. Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely: https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi

In which our heroes attempt to be TOTAL LADS and MEGA TOP BLOKES for a whole episode by doing BANTZ and thinking about TITS and BEER.  We plan a new career for Ken Livingstone, offer PR advice to Pepsi, Adam does another car crash which is obviously his fault, Daniel reveals how John Major seduced him and Chris plans a brilliant prank on Graham.  

In which our heroes delve into console classism. Graham goes into space, Chris makes a racist friend, Adam has twins and Dan bakes an actual cake.

In which our heroes fantasise about a sweaty Daniel in tiny shorts, stalk a listener, create a classic comic character and enjoy a plethora of listener feedback. Mostly this: http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/image/157657804219