Two Open Doors

In several recent episodes, we’ve taken a look at the roles of commitment in intimate relationships.  We’ve seen that the process of commitment arises naturally in the course of deepening of a relationship. Commitment involves making choices and staying true to those choices.  In this episode, we’ll consider how we can responsibly manage our relationships, so as to reinforce the trust that our par...

In choosing who we wish to establish a deeply-connected relationship with, one of the things we should consider is what we want from the prospective relationship--- that is, our relationship goals.  That important consideration is often ignored or downplayed in many new relationships, due in part to the temporary “blindness” that can come from New Relationship Energy (NRE). In this episode, we’ll...

Love lies at the heart of all intimate connections--- whether those connections are physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, or any combination of those.  Despite that essential nature, though, it’s hard to define what love really is. Psychologist Robert Sternberg offers a “triangular” theory of love, which I think goes far toward capturing the elemental ingredients of love.  We’ll explore that f...

In our previous episode, we revisited the nature and role of commitment in deeply-connected relationships, and we then focused on the benefits and costs of uncommitted relationships.  In this episode, we’ll drop the other shoe, and look at the benefits and costs of committed relationships.  Taken together, this and the previous episode will give us what we need in order to make more-informed choic...

Suppose you’ve had the good fortune of meeting someone you’re strongly drawn to, and with whom you’d like to establish a connection.  You’ve spent some time together, enough to start to get to know one another fairly well--- and the magic of initial attraction seems to still be there.  Where do you go from here? Relationships evolve, as we’ve noted in prior episodes.  Even if one doesn’t follow th...

In several prior episodes, such as in Episode 2-18 titled “The Mystery of Compatibility”, we’ve delved into the multitude of factors that play into whether two individuals are a good “fit” for one another, in a given kind of relationship.  We’ve noted that personality, personal history, and the circumstances in which people meet are all factors that affect degree of compatibility. In this episode,...

We can distinguish different levels of connection between people.  We all interact with acquaintances in our daily life; these are basically people with whom we have no substantial or ongoing connection.  We also are fortunate to have friends, or people with whom we share companionship, discussion and camaraderie, and life-adventures. In this episode, we’ll consider a third category of people:  pa...

As we’ve noted in prior episodes, polyamory includes a multitude of specific forms of relationship.  This stands in contrast with monogamy (at least as usually practiced in western cultures), which generally comes with one associated set of social norms and expectations regarding partner behavior. In this episode, we’ll examine a particular style of polyamory called “solo” polyamory, and we’ll put...

As we’ve noted in many earlier episodes, safety and respect are the bedrock for healthy relationships.  If a relationship lacks those qualities, one or both participants will almost certainly experience fear, which in turn will drive them to take a closed and defensive stance. In this episode, we’ll consider how partners can negotiate rules and agreements regarding their conduct, so as to maintain...

In our society, sҽx is often thought of as a physical activity--- a particular set of actions through which people can connect with one another.  From a broader perspective, though, sҽx is a multi-faceted thing that can create connections at the mental, emotional and spiritual levels, as well as at the physical level. In this episode, we’ll consider these various facets of sҽxual connection, and w...

As the Barbara Streisand song “People Who Need People” suggests, those of us who “need people” in our lives are the “luckiest people in the world”.  We humans are built for community.  We thrive in the presence of others, and can wither if we’re isolated. In this episode, we’ll explore four broad areas in which we benefit from the company of others:  they provide companionship; they help validate...

“Love” is a deceptively anodyne and ambiguous term that can mean different things to different people.  Most people value being loved; love makes the world go ‘round. Why is love so highly-prized?  We’ll consider that, in this episode. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Huma...

As the saying goes, “time wounds all heels”.  Getting older is one of those inevitable realities in life; it comes with a welter of challenges and issues--- as well as with benefits.  In this episode, we’ll consider what those include, and how advancing age affects the intimate connections in our lives.  As we’ll see, the picture isn’t nearly as bleak as how some people see aging. Dr. Claude Cruz...

In our previous episode on Traits to Nurture Relationship, we explored some of the personal traits that can promote or hinder the maintenance of healthy deeply-connected relationships.  We considered how those traits can affect attitudes toward and beliefs about their partner, and how those attitudes and beliefs can play out in how a person treats their partner.    In that episode, we delved deepe...

Human relationships play out through the interactions between two people.  Unsurprisingly, many factors enter into those interactions.  Those factors include traits or attributes of the partners who are interacting.  Other factors consist of how the partners treat each other. In this episode, we’ll consider a range of factors that can either strengthen and nurture relationships, or undermine and w...

As the potent force that it is in people’s lives, sҽx is hedged with social norms, strictures and expectations.  Since sҽx is such a central individual and social concern, one might expect sҽxual expression to be a fundamental individual right. In actuality, sҽxual prerogatives differ across various social classes.  Not everyone has uniform access to sҽxual opportunities.  In this episode, we’ll e...

A sҽxual exchange isn’t just about pleasure; it also entails a power interaction between the two partners.  We touched on many aspects of this in last week’s episode, in which we featured an interview with an expert in the alternative sҽxual practices that constitute BDSM.  However, power dynamics are also at play in more mainstream sҽxual exchanges. In this episode, we’ll consider some of the way...

Many Two Open Doors listeners are aware of the sexual practices that go under the label of BDSM.  In today's episode, we'll hear about this topic from a seasoned long-term practitioner and expert.  During this hour-long interview between Dr. Claude and sex and intimacy coach Ezra Pryor, we'll explore many different facets of this intriguing subject.  We'll close with some recom...

I recently came across a blog post by one of my favorite authors, Dr. T J Jordan, in the Medium online magazine.  In that article, she addressed a condition that most or all of us have encountered, at one time or another:  the loss of an intimate relationship that has been central in our lives.  Such occurrences may (hopefully) not be frequent, but they can have an outsized impact on our emotional...

As we’ve noted in many prior episodes, human sҽxuality is complicated.  It engages all aspects of our humanity:  our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual essence.  Every individual “blends” these dimensions in a different and unique way. In this episode, we’ll explore one of the many areas in which people differ:  our sҽxual and sensual preferences.  This will give us a better understanding o...

I personally see it as unfortunate that sex-positivity is relatively rare in our society.  As an example, while meaningful statistics are hard to come by, it’s estimated that perhaps 4%-5% of American adults practice some form of polyamory.  Adhering to the “relationship escalator” is much more main-stream. What this implies is that finding kindred spirits to relate to can be rather challenging. ...

In our previous episode, we took a look at what “emotions” are, at bottom, and how they relate to “feelings” or “affect”.  Our reason for considering those topics was that they play a central role in how relationships work. In this episode, we’ll take an additional step and consider the role of emotions in “emotional intelligence”, or “EQ”.  As we’ll see, emotional intelligence serves as the found...

Emotions are a big component of human relationships.  They reflect our responses to another person--- what we see in that person, how similar or dissimilar they seem to be relative to us, and how they affect our internal state.   Emotions are related to the concept of feelings , which also play a big role in relationships.  While the term “feelings” is often used synonymously with “emotions” in po...

A relationship takes place between two people--- each of which seeks to meet both their own interests and desires, and those of their partner.  That means that any relationship entails an ongoing balancing-act between these two different, and sometimes competing, interests.  In effect, there are three distinct entities present in any relationship:  the two partners (as individuals), and the shared...

Relationships don’t develop in an inflexible and linear manner, as is posited in the popular “relationship escalator” model for relationships.  Still, there is some regularity to relationship evolution.  At some point, for some (but not all) intimate relationships, the tone of the relationship may shift from giddy delight in each other’s presence, to a growing desire to spend more time together an...