Two Open Doors

I think most of us would conclude that our relationships can be a great source of meaning in our lives.  We’d also likely agree that well-functioning relationships can make us happy.  Are “meaning” and “happiness” synonymous? If not, how do they differ?  In this episode, we’ll consider how meaning and happiness are related, and how each of those concepts plays into relationship. Dr. Claude Cruz is...

Over the last few episodes, I’ve shared a view of how relationships evolve through a set of relationship states, passing through what we’ve termed a relationship “life-cycle”.  We’ve noted that each of our relationships has one or more relationship goals at each point of its life-cycle--- goals such as friendship, or romantic connection, or emotional connection.  We’ve seen that relationships play...

In our previous episode, we took a “birds-eye” look at the nature of relationships:  their embodiment in the ongoing interactions between pairs of people; the various goals, or purposes, that a relationship may fill; and the reality that relationships evolve through a particular set of relationship states, rather than being static and unchanging. In this episode, we’ll take the next step and exami...

What is a “relationship” between humans?  We all know, right?  Well--- yes, but it’s still worth thinking about in a bit of detail.  Relationships are, after all, a rich source of meaning in our lives.  That makes them worth understanding, so that we can take proper care of them. In this episode, we'll take a look at the nature or human relationship, by exploring what I think of as the "...

In past episodes, we’ve looked at many different aspects of relationship.  We’ve noted that relationships differ in terms of what the partners seek from the relationship (and from each other); in how good an initial “fit” there is between them (that is, in their degree of compatibility); in terms of what each partner brings to the relationship, including both gifts and deficits or vulnerabilities;...

As the saying goes, “Time heals all wounds” (or, as I sometimes say, “Time wounds all heels”).  The passing years change us, making us the individuals that we are today.  That change plays out in all aspects of our lives--- including our relationships. In this episode, we’ll take a look at what sorts of changes we can expect in our relationships.  We’ll also consider how to accommodate those chang...

Relationship offers people many things.  We humans require a “diet” that includes not only our physical needs, such as food, water and shelter, but also a number of psychological needs that are no less important.  Companionship, feelings of social validation and acceptance, feelings of perceives worth and trust in others, and sensual or sexual connection are among these additional necessary “nutri...

The most common question that a sꬴxologist or sꬴx therapist encounters is “Am I normal?”.  It seems that most people are deeply concerned about how their sꬴxual preferences, desires and actions compare with those of others.  That isn’t too surprising, given the social nature of our species. At the same time that we may seek to fit in with those around us, we also crave the freedom to follow our he...

Relationships are a living, breathing thing.  They usually grow from tentative initial flickerings of interest, through a phase of growth or contraction, and--- for those that take root--- into a potentially long period of relative stability.  Eventually, there may be a time of decline--- or, sometimes, an explosive ending. Successful and satisfying relationships require a balance between allowing...

As adults, we make decisions that shape our lives.  We have the opportunity to choose actions and a life-path that suits our goals and our needs.  We’re each ultimately responsible for our own happiness, and for living a life that’s meaningful to us.  Our partners in life can support us, but they can’t choose our path. In this episode, we’ll consider the reality that we make personal decisions wit...

Polyamory is far from a uniform and unvarying way of relating to others; instead, as seems true for most things involving humans, polyamory exhibits a wide range of variation.  In this post, we’ll explore some of the many ways in which a given person can choose to show their love for more than one partner.  Note that while our reflections here are focused on polyamory, a similar situation holds fo...

As we’ve noted in prior episodes, at-a-distance attraction can bring people together, and the subsequent “chemistry” of interaction between them may then cement a relationship (or shut it down).  In this episode, we’ll take a look at what follows this initial phase: that is, the possibility of choosing to initiate and nurture a new relationship. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach...

This episode takes us in a new direction:  an exploration of how to make the Two Open Doors community and its various expressions (podcast, Facebook group, Meet-Up group and website) more useful and relevant to those who seek deep connections in their lives.  The thinking behind today’s episode may (hopefully) provide good insights into needed mid-course corrections. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relations...

Human touch is a marvelous and complicated thing.  In addition to providing us with information about the world around us, touch is a powerful and versatile form of communication--- so much so, that it has been accorded the term “haptic communication”.  In this post, we’ll explore the major facets of touch, and how it works.  In an effort to stimulate conversation about this important topic, we’ll...

This post focuses on a topic that is challenging for many (including myself):  the notion of “ purity culture ”.  While purity culture is certainly not a uniquely American phenomenon, it is all too common in conservative religious circles in our country--- and it can do untold damage.  Purity culture is a cross-cultural, cross-religion phenomenon; it’s especially prevalent in many evangelical Chri...

We human beings need a variety of different things to sustain us.  Beyond our purely physical needs, such as breathing, eating and sleeping, we also need psychic sustenance.  That, too, comes in different forms. In this post, we’ll contemplate what we need to receive in order to stay healthy in mind, emotions and spirit.  Just as more oxygen to breathe won’t help us if we’re dehydrated, we’ll see...

As we’ve discussed in prior posts, good communication between partners is one of the basic requirements for maintaining a healthy relationship.  That communication needs to occur regularly, it needs to be honest but kind, and it needs to clearly convey whatever is deemed important by the two partners. One of the questions that arise in a partnership is what sort of information needs to be shared: ...

Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum.  They come into being and they evolve within the context of a society.  The communities that we participate in can greatly influence the health of our close relationships.    In this post, we’ll consider why community is important to relationship.  Conversely, we’ll also examine the role that people with healthy relationships play in maintaining supportive co...

A friend recently shared a graphic by Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, depicting intimacy as a multi-faceted thing that two people can share.  This diagram was an excellent reminder of the richness that we humans can experience in deep connections.  In this week’s episode, we’ll consider the nature of intimacy. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a P...

In this week’s episode, I was inspired to indulge in a little speculation and dreaming about what I believe is possible for deep human relationships.  Rather than focus on any of the many aspects of how to practice relationships, I’ll reflect on the vision that inspired me to plant the seeds for a Two Open Doors community. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland,...

When we think about intimacy, we’re likely to focus on the many functions that emotional closeness plays in our lives:  its role as a path to greater self-knowledge and knowledge of our partners; its function as a verbal and emotional communication channel; its sensitivity to, and reinforcement of, the deep trust and respect that are the foundation of any relationship; and other core life-function...

 What is “ relationship energy ”, and how does it play into our relationships?  As we’ve discussed in prior posts, relationships are a living, breathing thing; the tone of our relationships changes over time, as partners get to know one another better, and share more time and experience together.  Relationship energy is a term that can be used to describe the tone, feel and focus of a relationship...

As we all know, relationships can sometimes provoke some very strong and not necessarily positive reactions in us.  How we manage those reactions can determine the course and even the ultimate destiny of those relationships.  Taking to heart the dictum that “forewarned is forearmed”, in this post we’ll explore the nature of these reactions, and how we can constructively manage them. Dr. Claude Cru...

In the course of my relationship and intimacy coaching practice, I have occasionally been asked to describe what I see as the key attributes in a healthy and satisfying relationship.  While there are of course many important attributes, there’s one that rises to the top of my list: attunement .   In this post, we’ll explore what attunement is, and why it’s so important in deeply-connected relation...

This issue marks the 52nd post in the Two Open Doors podcast.  It has been a full year since the start of this adventure!    As a reflective individual, I see this as a good time for a brief retrospective: an occasion to look back over the course we’ve run, to highlight some key learnings, and to see where the future might take us.  After all, relationships and intimacy are huge topics to explore-...