Two Dicks in a Bar

The bar decides Mitch McConnell has probably been dead in a hospital bed for three weeks and nobody’s telling us, then pivots straight into “Big Olive” running the oil industry like the mob. Also: a senator picks a Twitter fight with Mbappé and loses, and someone tries to explain the difference between bourbon and whiskey to a room that stopped caring immediately.

Jesse gives an unsolicited, fully detailed tutorial on how divorce actually works, lawyer fees and all. Somehow that turns into a heated debate about cue stick diameter that is absolutely a dick joke. Also: a unanimous, aggressive hatred of Dave Matthews despite everyone admitting he has a great voice, and a birthday girl turning 34 while the table argues over who’s old enough to be “on the back h...

A guy upgraded to a bigger bike this year because last time his fat ass couldn’t make it up the mountain. Also on the agenda: the full LGBTQ+ taxonomy from twink to zaddy explained by people who are figuring it out in real time, Messi’s birthday goals, and a Florida ballot amendment that will either save homeowners money or defund every fire department in Polk County.

Jesse once caught a white mouse in the bar and, rather than kill it, let it go underneath the wooden deck at the place across the street. He stands by this. Also: rank choice voting, the Heavy Metal magazine Trump-wall cartoon from the 90s, a nephew’s gas station hallucination situation, and Gen Z apparently being the first generation to score lower than the one before it.

Jesse got free drinks by papering a city meeting, Nate does mental math like a demon, and somehow the show ends up deep in Revelation debating whether Trump is the Antichrist. Also: AI art ownership, dung beetles, and the NBA Finals happening somewhere without them.

A Canadian shows up with opinions and the moon landing goes several rounds. Claude gets fact-checked in real time and doesn’t exactly nail it. Also: cooperation vs. scarcity mindset, the section 8 Land Rover loophole, why insurance companies ruined healthcare pricing, and Tito’s running bulk vodka through one pot still and calling it artisanal. Ends with Sinatra.

If you had a week to live, would you stop sweating the small stuff? One answer is yes. The other would be MORE upset about traffic. That tracks. Also: ears cleaned for science, a guy in a mascot costume jumps into a monkey enclosure and gets arrested before the monkeys can handle it properly, AI dating negotiations, and Stranger Things, Wheel of Time, and Game of Thrones all convicted for crimes a...

The 2nd annual charity golf tournament raised money for the American Cancer Society, Anthony showed up with 10 pounds of venison nobody would take, and somehow the conversation ended up at the Artemis 2 crew answering questions from children — all of which were about food or bodily waste. In between: how much of your charity dollar actually reaches the cause, why Mike and Jesse changed a flat tire...

Solo episode energy with Angel filling in for Mike, and somehow it works. The conversation hits the bar’s origin story, AI etiquette, a feminist chatbot breakup, and whether the Great Salt Lake needs a billion dollars or just a rain dance. The back half gets surprisingly substantive: corporate greed as a design feature, why the immigration system backlog is a feature not a bug, ESOP as an exit str...

Josh is 41, the Earth is older, and the immigration appointment system is broken on purpose. Episode 213 gets into it: redistricting and the fair districts amendment, why 8 million protesters still wasn’t enough, corporate short-sightedness versus the guy who plants trees for future generations, and what a humanitarian party platform might actually look like. Meanwhile: Nicole wins again at Hard R...

Jesse’s back from Breckenridge with a report: worst snow in 50 years, one open quarter of one mountain, and a lot of beginners getting in the way. Meanwhile, the crew catches up on the No Kings protest math, debates whether online slots are actually rigged (Nicole wins $700 on her first spin and hasn’t stopped), and goes deep on the mom-and-pop economy, what killed it, and what’s left. Also: Pee W...

From colonoscopies to Breckenridge, episode 211 covers a lot of ground. The crew checks the math on whether the No Kings protests have the numbers to matter, relitigates the country music discourse, and swaps first-concert stories that range from Genesis to Pantera to, yes, Air Supply. The back half goes deep on education: what’s actually going on with autism diagnoses, why ADHD might just be a mi...

The boys hit 210 and celebrate the only way they know how — by arguing about guns, addiction, traffic, housing, and whether the solar system might be conscious. Jesse’s got AI limit complaints, Ed’s got Renaissance Fest regrets, and Mike’s got opinions on bowling alley engineering. Also: Trump’s Mueller post, Rob Mueller’s death, self-driving cars as a subscription service, and the strong case for...

Jesse has officially outsourced his brain to an AI. This week he trained Claude to read his POS system’s creative spelling (“Crown Apple 750 w Flask” is apparently a different product than “Crown Apple 750”), hit his session usage limit doing bar inventory, and used it to tell him which Joe Rogan episodes to skip — which turns out to be most of them. Ed and Mike try to keep up while Jesse explains...

Jesse, Ed, and Mike are back after a two-week hiatus with a packed episode. Mike’s mystery respiratory situation, a free Morton’s steak dinner that turned into an annuities seminar, and an unexpected fourth guest: Claude the AI, who holds his own pretty well against three guys who won’t let him finish a sentence. Also: nuclear drones, dark forest theory, rap battle psychology, and a Canadian named...

The mics are hot and the takes are hotter. This week, the Dicks tackle Trump calling an Olympian a "loser," the ethics of $9,000 medical trials (Jesse volunteers his body for science… and cash), and a deep dive into cognitive decline that actually ends on a hopeful note. Plus: Uber's broken business model, the Mandela Effect vs. government gaslighting, and why Bondi is a real American c*nt. It's l...

Grab a water (or something stronger) and pull up a stool. In this episode, the Dicks navigate a labyrinth of topics: Should John Candy be digitally resurrected for the Spaceballs sequel? How did two famous announcers not know they were brothers? And what’s the constitutional limit on federal ice agents? Stops are made for Aaron Lewis's rants, the perils of quitting vices, and the universal languag...

The podcast where the intro is an outtake and the plot is whatever sticks to the wall. This episode’s journey includes: getting stuck in a hypothetical time loop, skipping the "begat" chapters of the Bible, designing the perfect Gremlins sock-puppet knockoff, and planning a side project for "old, scrotchety" rock covers ("Get Off My Lawn"). It's a beautifully unplanned mess—like a great night at t...

The crew opens with the finer points of personal hygiene before Jesse recounts his freezing, high-as-a-kite trip to Georgia, complete with antique posters warning of "crime, suicide, and prostitution." The conversation takes a sharp turn into the ethics of immigration policy (with some googled stats), before a warm, nostalgic crash landing into the greatest toys of the 80s—from Ewok Villages to Th...

As Jesse preps for a freezing trip to Georgia (and a legendary D&D drink menu), the conversation spirals into the nature of reality itself. Is there a secret government data center under a certain Florida ballroom? Are we living in a simulation post-2012? And why does science now say your brain isn't an adult until you're 32? All this, plus a passionate rant on remote work, resource hoarding, and...

The gang tackles the first "Short Attention Span Theater" episode of 2026 by trying to understand Three Kings Day, defending disc golf as "real golf," and offering unsolicited advice on growing a beard (and dealing with psoriasis). A visit from "Pittsburgh Bob" sparks a debate on regional sandwiches, while the conversation meanders through international politics, Olympic preferences, and the most...

As the clock ticks down on 2025, the conversation takes an unexpected turn when a guest reveals his estranged father—absent for over 30 years—has just shown up with a one-way ticket and no place to stay. While prepping picklebacks and debating the physics of teabagging, the crew steps back to offer raw, unfiltered advice on family, forgiveness, and the questions you may never get to ask. All this,...

What do a celebrity murder case, 100-day sobriety bets, ceramic car coatings, and the ethics of ghosting have in common? Absolutely nothing—and that’s exactly the point. Grab a seat (and maybe a weed soda) as the guys jump from true crime to dating apps, from disc golf fails to 90s music deep cuts, in a conversation that proves the best talks happen when there’s no plan at all. No topic is safe, a...

Our mission is simple: use ridiculous, NSFW charity events to raise money for cat rescues. Our podcast is everything else. Co-hosts and brewery reps Dan and Mike are the masterminds behind the "Vibrator Roadshow," a traveling spectacle of battery-powered madness. Each week, they drag the microphone to a different bar to recap the races, plan the next event, and get spectacularly sidetracked with t...

The conversation bounces like a pinball in a dive bar. One minute we're hearing a "totally true" story about partying with Johnny Depp until sunrise, the next we're analyzing the psychological torture of disc golf scoring apps. In between, the Dicks solve the 1970s porn distribution network, argue about the legality of nudity (free the nip!), and try to remember if there was ever a good reason to...