Two Dicks in a Bar

Our fact-checker bailed, so we're just making things up now. We explore the real first Thanksgiving (it was Lincoln, dibs), why cake is a chemical lie and pie is a fruity fraud, and how to properly hit on your bartender using only a cherry and a hair flip. It's a holiday episode so chaotic, we're surprised the pilgrims didn't just turn the Mayflower around.

Strap in for a wild ride as the conversation bounces from the competitive world of DIY disc golf putting to the dark corners of political hypocrisy. The crew dissects Charlie Kirk quotes, South Park's latest takedowns, and the never-ending Epstein saga. But the real meat of the episode is a passionate, absurd argument about the words "moist" vs. "damp" and their application to... well, everything,...

The conversation is as all over the place as a drunkard's stroll. This week, the Dicks dive into a family controversy: was a nephew's school suspension for an edgy doodle justified or total bullshit? The debate quickly spirals into a chaos-fueled session featuring experimental nicotine pouches found outside the bar, a plan for a disc golf trip to the Keys, and a heated rundown of everything from K...

Our quest to outsource our personalities to machines continues. We unleash an AI-written stand-up routine so brilliant and stupid it might get us cancelled (or at least mildly frowned upon). Then, we debate the only logical next step: volunteering for a sketchy, IV-pumped DMT study to see God, or at least a convincing alien. Strap in for a episode that jumps from shitting on nepo-babies and war cr...

The dicks are back in your ears and they're tackling the hard-hitting science behind No Nut November. Is there any truth to the "superpowers" promised by online influencers, or is it all just a sticky situation of misinformation? We dive deep into the myths of masturbation, testosterone, and sperm motility. Plus: Jesse's medical saga continues, a bizarre tequila review gets the Al treatment, and w...

From the assault on democratic norms to the assault on your childhood, no topic is safe. This episode meanders from the future of self-driving cars and the ethics of AI to the vital, pressing issue of ruining the "67" meme for any kids who might be listening. Plus, a heartfelt tribute to Diane Keaton, a debate on the best road trip games, and the age-old question: are Lucky Charms magically delici...

Navigating life's uncomfortable truths with a sense of humor is their specialty. In this episode, the guys debate the "tragedy plus time" formula for comedy, grapple with personal health scares and canceled colonoscopies, and try to find the logic in a world of unregulated capitalism and demonic politicians. It's a podcast about finding the laughs, even when the joke might be on us.

The government is shut down and the boys are unsupervised! This week, the Dicks dive into a legendary (and painful) story involving a stripper and a jalapeeno, ponder the logistics of interstellar travel for Kryptonians, and debate the finer points of homelessness, recession fears, and the 13th floor. All this, plus a check-in from a very special guest, Gabby. It's a wild one.

A tenant's text about a wobbly light fixture sparks a chaos-filled session covering the essential rules of being a landlord (always charge for laughs), the grim future of 55+ communities, and the proper use of AI (writing tool or intellectual surrender?). The guys debate whether Joe Rogan has more presidential composure than a man who can't pronounce "acetaminophen," and if arming everyone with fl...

The conversation takes a sharp turn from sex toys to censorship when we react to the news of Jimmy Kimmel's show being "paused." We dive headfirst into a heated debate about free speech, corporate cowardice, the weaponization of the FCC, and the terrifying parallels to the Joe McCarthy era. It's a raw, unfiltered, and pissed-off look at the state of American media.

On this episode of Two Dicks in a Bar, we're tackling the big questions. What are UAPs (UFOs) and why is the government really keeping them secret? We analyze the political landscape following a major news event and discuss the violent rhetoric plaguing the nation. Then, we shift gears to explore fascinating theories about advanced ancient civilizations that challenge everything we know about hist...

No topics are off the table, hilarious, unscripted, and unhinged. The Dicks tackle the three essential male needs, the horrors of dating in your 50s, and the logistics of using the “lemonade pitcher” to avoid getting out of bed to pee. Grab a beer and belly up to the bar.

Join the Dicks, and their guest Angel, as the conversation spirals from the personal knowledge of a gruesome Florida man murderer to the torture of peeps in a microwave. Get ready to be schooled about country vs. the city living, the political correctness of the word “secretary”, and the superiority of Publix. Get ready for some hot chip horror stories, a flurry of dad jokes and heated debates Con...

The Dick’s deliver another round of unhinged conversation featuring 80s porn stars, political redistricting, and ethical dog killing. Be ready for raunchy humor, crude humor, and tales of salsa – throwing road rage.

The Dicks go full circle! Take a guess, does the circle concern; micro-perforations in Mike’s colon, butt chugging inebriates, or gluten free breadsticks? We"re happy to have Mike back, and have a weighty conversation on spicy chips. Welcome!

After giving a shout out to Mike from the casino, the Dick’s discuss rollerskating crushes, Dungeons and Dragons, and Trump‘s latest labor drama (they don’t even mention the Epstein files). Get ready to hear about rage rooms, superior vices, and whether dogs or cats would save babies from land mines.

Join the Dicks as the careen from debunking the moon landing conspiracies to debating the merits of $80 laundry detergent. This episode features unfiltered takes on everything from Dungeons & Dragons to the fact that furries are just mascots with benefits.

A chaotic blend of D&D character creation, conspiracy deep dives, and bizarre hypotheticals-like what happens if you teabag a severed head in-game. The gang also tackles the ethics of team names, the mystery of Epstein's list, and why pickle vodka should be banned.

From motorcycle wipeouts off cliffs to costumes at a hippie hostel, this episode dives into the absurdity of a six-man Colombian escapade. Featuring: questionable meat, suspiciously bouncy horseback riders, and the eternal debate—Did that dog at customs even care?

Should all cops carry rubber bullets? Is the news irreparably biased? Did Nixon start it all? The Two Dicks tackle these questions (sort of) while reminiscing about failed careers, sugar mamas, and why Spider-Man should sound like a New Yorker. Spoiler: No conclusions are reached, but the salt content is high.

In this episode, the Dick’s dive into a heated political debate, covering everything from abortion rights to the national debt, before shifting gears to the chaos of downtown parking and the absurdities of social media. No topic is off-limits. Grab a drink and join the conversation! Spoiler: Do one agrees on anything.

In this episode, the gang tackles everything from the absurdity of modern media (thanks, Fox News) to the ethics of billionaires renting out Venice for weddings. They also uncover the shocking truth about Oscar the Grouch’s pet worm (RIP Slimy), debate whether Solar Opposites is just Rick and Morty Lite, and question why disgraced politicians keep getting re-elected. Oh, and someone brings up Epst...

This week, the guys dive into the weirdest animal behavior science has to offer—Capuchin monkeys using Howler monkeys as backpacks? Then, they tackle the latest political dumpster fires: Trump’s disastrous parade, Supreme Court rulings on gender-affirming care, and whether women are actually stronger than men (spoiler: science says yes). Plus, dating disasters, Florida’s unbearable heat, and why y...

What starts as a debate over Trump sending troops to LA quickly spirals into… well, everything else. The guys discuss immigration facilities, unions, the 68 banned TV words, and whether tofu tastes like pennies. Featuring: questionable life advice, a deep dive into collar classifications (yes, really), and an unexpected history lesson on Hitler’s facial hair. Just another day at the bar.

When asked what they brought to the table, the Dicks were proud to deliver. We were prepared to discuss steel tariffs, TACO love, the price of revenge, Ukraine‘s operation spider-web, 5-year-olds delivering black eyes, facial recognition. Wait until you hear what they decide to talk about.