Twilight Phase

Suddenly, a noir interlude. Enter, Bella the femme fatale. Like the memory of a fever dream, we’re transported across Seattle as Bella uses her newly acquired, dastardly charms to solve the mysterious mystery of the elusive J Jenks. Get your passports ready!! Write in at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter an...

Remember those million other vampires from all over who show up in Breaking Dawn? Us neither, but we get to meet alllllll of them this week!! There's so many of them there's an index, and we're mad about it!!!! Write in to tell us which racism in this chapter makes YOU the angriest at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Tw...

Get ready for a thorough and convenient description of various Volturi talents. Also, Melissa is thriving on a trip to Colorado and I know you wanna know about that too. What would Survivor: Twilight Edition look like?? Write in to tell us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Instagram, Twilightphasepod...

Listeners, you keep us young. We love you so much. In this episode, we ask ourselves the important questions: how do you pronounce Eleazar? Is this the most dramatic Edward has ever been? (no.) And most importantly, how do you tell your family friends that you have a half vampire baby waiting to meet them??? Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Write in with thots at twilightphasepod...

Hey listeners, quick question: if you received bad news, would your response be to stare, unblinking, into the eyes of your beloved? For about nine hours straight? JUST WONDERINGGGGG. The Cullens minus Alice and Jasper go for a light jog followed by a devastating revelation . . . and then they break out . . . THE GLOBE. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Write in with thots at twil...

Hey, fam! On this week's episode, we continue to marvel at how the plot is finally coming together, with only 30% of the book left. Quick head's up-- Bella still isn't psychic, Alice's visions still don't make any sense, the Volturi are back like they never left, and we are still bamboozled by all of this. So it's ALMOST like the first 70% of Breaking Dawn didn't even h...

We’re back baybee!!! Maya has returned from Europe to find a special surprise!! And best of all: WE FINALLY GET SOME PLOT! Remember those Volturi? Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Write in with thots at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Instagram, Twilightphasepodcast.tumblr.com

Listeners! Tell us, how many houses have YOU demolished through seggs? Is it more or less than the number of 23 year old grandpas you know? What about the number of arm wrestling competitions you could win against Emmett? This chapter is a weird, fun hodgepodge and we're grateful to have you here with us! (Btw Maya is actively gallivanting around Europe so we'll be back in two weeks!) EDIT 2/26: r...

Jacob continues to Jacob by making momentous decisions without consulting anyone else, obvs, and to our frustration it just keeps working out for him!!!! Bella almost jumps Edward's bones right there in front of god and everybody.  (Maya is on her way to gallivant about Europe so we plan to be back in two weeks!!) Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast  Write in with thots at...

THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Write in with thots at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Instagram, Twilightphasepodcast.tumblr.com

Y’all, is there even a PLOT to this book currently?? Why are we still HERE. This chapter is just a smorgasbord of minute information that takes us nowhere. We’ll let you know when the conflict enters the room (it hasn’t yet). Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Write in with Twilight related New Years resolutions at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on...

Happy new year, listeners! In this episode we delve into some deep questions. Such as Jacob claims he needs to be with Renesmee. . . why doesn’t Jacob neeeeeed to be with Edward? Also why is Renesmee so creepy? Why didn't the movie just cast a baby? And most importantly, WHY HAS THE LIZARD THEORY NOT BEEN LOOKED INTO BEFORE THIS?  Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Write in wi...

WE'RE BAAAACK! And we come bearing glad tidings: our girl Bella is perfectly perfect at being a vampire. Her first hunt is like Vampire Finals and she's ruining the curve. Also she thinks her vampire power is just loving Edward sooooooo much which is embarrassing but okay girl do you. We missed you guys! Thanks for going into the forest with us. <3 While you're there, join the coven at Patreon....

Bella can literally see everything, including how excited we are to finally be done with Jacob's chapters. Our girl's a vampire now!!!  Write in and let us know: What do you want to see with your vampire eyes? And what is the weirdest thing you think Emmett did as a newborn? While you're there, join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Email us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Chec...

Bella describes her pain for approximately twenty pages and it's STILL better than all of Jacob's chapters!! Our beloved heroine is back and she's about to be reborn, baby! *cue that dramatic shot from the movies where Bella's eyes pop open and they're blood red* You can still go to our Patreon (even if you're not a patron!) to submit your best RenesName! While you're there, join the coven at Patr...

THIS IS IT. THE BIRTH.  . . . . .  Go to our Patreon (even if you're not a patron!) to submit your best RenesName! Email us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Instagram, Twilightphasepodcast.tumblr.com

Hello listeners!!! All you need to know about this episode is that Melissa makes MULTIPLE CAN'T-MISS SHOCKING REVELATIONS and then a lot of stuff that doesn't really make sense happens. <3 <3 <3 Oh and Bella goes Trevi, if you know what we're saying. (She's...a fountain.)  Email us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @...

Here it is...the moment you've all been waiting for...the birth of...the name Ruh- nez -may!! (That spelling is canon, look it up.) Plus Leah ALMOST becomes a complex character, and there's a genuinely touching moment involving Ramparts, can you believe? Email us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Ins...

RENESMEE EXPOSED: SHE'S A LIZARD!!!  Email us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Instagram, Twilightphasepodcast.tumblr.com

Get in, losers, we’re going shopping at the Forks Goodwill. Jacob is weirded out by generosity, hospitality, and anyone being remotely nice to him but WE KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT WHAT WE DESERVE. Check out Melissa’s favorite affirmations here . And listen in for Alice finally getting screen time!!! Email us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us ou...

Hello! We are back with yet another wild chapter of Breaking Dawn, but also like nothing happens??  Bella drinks blood (which we really think should have been a much bigger deal than it was), and Jacob talks to Jared about some dumb pack stuff (like how everyone is acting like Jake‘s pack has run away to Antarctica and not a mile north) and that's literally alllll that happens.  But also...

Hey Twilight Fam! Breaking Dawn continues to be the wildest ride that we only kinda signed up for, and we haven’t even gotten to the wildest part. Leah joins the pack and Jacob isn't pleased. Bella is getting worse and Jacob isn't pleased. But also Jacob is the ONLY PERSON who thinks a vampire fetus may need vampire food, so I guess we’re glad he’s around. Even though homeboy just will not be plea...

Jacob throws off the shackles of the alpha to claim his birthright, or whatever, and a second pack is born. Speaking of births, we are all dreading the childbirth chapter, but don't worry, this isn't it. We do learn a little too much about clinical death and plasma though UGH. Come for the literary analysis, stay for the mediocre science. Email us if you know anything about how wolf packs actually...

IT'S OUR ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE!!! We bet you never thought we'd make it this far. Well, we didn't either! In this episode we debate the important questions...would Bella lay Rumpelstiltskin like an egg?  Please write in and tell us how you think SMeyer could have gotten Carlisle SO wrong at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join the coven at Patreon.com/twilightphasepodcast Check us out at @Twi...

Y'all, this chapter is absolutely WILD, please join us. Is this a fanfic introducing a storyline where Edward, Bella, and Jacob become a throuple? NO? Are you sure?? Jacob lies eyes upon emaciated pregnant Bella, and does not imprint on Resurrection. Please submit your 5,000 word essays on the literary, real-world, and biological implications of this fact to twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com. Join th...