True Crimes Against Wine

Ever wonder what people mean when they say it was a "good year" for wine? Judge Topher breaks it down and gives tips for finding the perfect vintage.

DEFENDANT: Portlandia EVIDENCE: Portlandia Pinot Noir 2021 SCENE OF THE CRIME: Willamette Valley, OR -- With Fact Checker calling out of work again, our Judges lament the typo in his contract allowing for a Non-Complete Clause. Then they proceed to pull a bank heist, win the lottery, and meet Santa. Don't believe us? Just ask Fact Checker, who wasn't there due his stupid Non-Complete Clause.

Who invented wine? Where did it come from? And how did it make it to our tables today? Judge Topher presents a brief history of wine.

DEFENDANT: Queen Victoria EVIDENCE: Empress 1908 London Dry Gin SCENE OF THE CRIME: Victoria, BC, Canada -- In this jewel-toned trial, our Judges conclude their royal series by hearing the case of the grandmother of Europe. Curious Victorian customs come into question, and Rachel amps up the difficulty of her cross examination, much to Topher's dismay.

What is aeration? Does it really make a difference? And should you spend your money on it? Judge Topher answers all these questions and gives advice to help you avoid some common pitfalls.

DEFENDANTS: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, aka Harry and Meghan EVIDENCE: Diatom Chardonnay 2021 SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sta Rita Hills, CA -- Back by popular demand! In the second part of this riveting court case, Judges Topher and Rachel zero in on the evidence and rumors surrounding the most famous royal expats. Intimate details of H&M's sex life are allegedly revealed, and rest assured that genit...

DEFENDANT: The Windsors EVIDENCE: Moet Chandon, 2020 SCENE OF THE CRIME: The globe, if you study Colonialism... -- Our Judges hop across the pond to hear their most prestigious case to date. From tackling nongendered titles to dismantling toxic allegiances, Topher and Rachel are dedicated to hard hits and hot takes. No Corgis were harmed in this trial.

Our Judges discuss the glory that is the movie, The Menu. Rachel tries to keep things sane as Topher grows increasingly manic with each course. Yet another personal connection is revealed...

DEFENDANT: Zac Brown EVIDENCE: Z Alexander Brown "Uncaged" Cabernet Sauvignon SCENE OF THE CRIME: California Coast -- Our Judges board a pontoon to try their latest case, in which the accused hits a bit close to home. Judge Topher blindly navigates a poetry based cross examination while Rachel has lurid details of her intimate life revealed.  

Judge Rachel delves into the allegations that Tom Hanks let Ginnifer Goodwin play with his Woody doll.

DEFENDANT: Cynthia Erivo   EVIDENCE: Black Girl Magic Red Blend   SCENE OF THE CRIME: North Coast, CA -- Our Judges brew up a powerful spell with the help of the McBride sisters. Rachel delivers a tricky cross examination, and a tipsy Topher has a case of mistaken identity... twice.

Judge Rachel sheds light on some of the most problematic celebrity May/December romances, as well as some of her favorites.

DEFENDANT: Cristiano Ronaldo   EVIDENCE: Terras de Lava 2019 Merlot   SCENE OF THE CRIME: The Azores, Territory of Portugal -- Our Judges take a flight to the mid Atlantic to try a very intricate case of involving lava, statue switcheroos, and scissor kicks. Rachel shows off her Portuguese, and Topher is put in a serious cross examination that could potentially keep him from earning a gold medal t...

Rachel gets surprised with a blind tasting as Topher explores some value wines.

DEFENDANT: Johnny, Moira, David, & a little bit Alexis Rose EVIDENCE: Herb Ertlinger Fruit Wine Rioja, Etc SCENE OF THE CRIME: In the Lea of Somewhere Picturesque in Canadia -- Our Judges travel North and pay homage to a cultural phenomenon and pop moment while sacrificing themselves quite a bit for the sake of their craft. You are welcome, public. We do it for YOU!

Judge Rachel explains the recent restaurant fiasco involving James Corden and his wife. Topher goes on a pro service industry rant.

DEFENDANT: Vera Wang EVIDENCE: Party Prosecco SCENE OF THE CRIME: Italy -- Our Judges channel their inner bridezillas as they drink their way through this bubbly bottle sent to them by a fan. Rachel surprises Topher with multiple costume changes.

Judge Rachel asks Judge Topher the most important question when it comes to tasting wine...

DEFENDANT(S): Brahm Stoker/Dracula EVIDENCE: Örökségül Kékfrankos 2019 SCENE OF THE CRIME: Hungary/Transylvania --- Our brave Judges foray into wilds of the Carpathian mountains as they uncover the mysteries of both Eastern European viticulture and vampire lore in this very spooky Halloween special!

Judge Rachel responds to a shocking accusation from a longtime listener, which rocks the courtroom and threatens the very core of podcast. Topher could not be more appalled and smug.

DEFENDENT: Beverly Cleary   EVIDENCE: R Stuart & Co "Big Fire" Pinot Noir   SCENE OF THE CRIME: McMinnville, Oregon   Our Judges jet out to the beautiful Willamette Valley to pay homage to a very special lady from their childhoods. Rachel gives insight into the life of beloved children's author Beverly Cleary, and Topher expounds on his personal connection to the incredible R Stuart Winery.  

Judge Topher explains the difference between the Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot grapes.

DEFENDANT: Grigori Rasputin   EVIDENCE: Stolichnaya Vodka   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Riga, Latvia -- This week's celebrity is almost more legend than person, as our Judges hear the case of their very first historical celebrity, the infamous Grigori Rasputin. Rachel spills some very sordid tea about the famed mystic while also revealing a very human side to him. Topher is moved to unveil more of his vil...

Our Judges recall some of their not-so-great moments as they describe their most embarrassing drunk stories.

DEFENDANT(S): Josh?   EVIDENCE: Josh Cellars Prosecco   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Possibly Your Own Neighborhood...   Our Judges face their most difficult case yet as they examine multiple suspects and their tangled web of motives. Topher explains the history of Prosecco, while Rachel brings back retro technology from the 90's to sort the suspects of our case.