Trigger Proof Transmissions

Have you heard the Taylor Swift song “Anti-Hero”? I remember the first time hearing it and was blown away. “I’ll stare directly in the sun but never in the mirror” was one of my favorite lines of all time in a song, because it captured what I see so often when helping people stuck in toxic relationship dynamics. In a world where it has become the latest trend to research Narcissism  and point the...

Imagine it was 40 years ago. And your parents were about to make an important decision. They were sitting on an opportunity to help them heal a part of themselves. They were on the precipice of deciding if NOW is the time to resolve some of their childhood wounding. The wounding that had them feeling like they were "not enough”. The wounding that had them living with so much anxiety and pain. The...

In 2018, I remember hating what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Shame— that feeling of being “inherently bad inside”  the feeling behind the reason people end their lives…. Is not something we are born with:  It’s something we are born INTO. Like a fish being born into a fishbowl of dirty water, we take on the shame of cultural norms we are raised in, societal/family expectations, and unknowing...

In the book “Laws of Human Nature” by Robert Greene,  he summarizes in a beautiful way the focus of my life’s work: Think back to your younger self-- growing up as a child (if you can remember it): In the first 3 or 4 years our brains are especially malleable. We experience emotions much more intensely, creating memory traces that are much deeper than anything that will follow. In this period of l...

Like millions of parents out there, Jenny had an anxious kid. The worst part of seeing our kids struggle with anxiety is the feeling of powerlessness we have. We just want them to know they’re going to be ok. “Calm down” “Take deep breaths” “don’t be anxious” are likely things your parents said to you when you were younger and dealing with your fears, uncertainties, and difficult emotions growing...

Take a moment to reflect on how boundaries were modelled to you growing up. Were you punished for sharing them? Guilted into removing them? In my family system, they weren’t really taught to us elegantly. I’m not even blaming my parents, either. We can’t lead others where we have never been. In persian culture, it’s considered rude to set boundaries. Fawning (performative people pleasing) is taugh...

There’s a hidden root cause behind most of our relationship challenges. And it’s not about the “other” person. It’s something more insidious. In fact you can’t even feel it most of the time. Most of us who are stuck in relationship dynamics that feel toxic, living in a “should I stay or go” situation are painfully unaware that there’s something deeper that isn’t being addressed. It’s called “disso...

What are your fantasies? At first glance, you might be thinking that I’m talking about sexuality and fetishes. I’m not. I’m talking about the root cause of our Trauma Bonds. Picture this: you grow up in a childhood where you experienced the wounding of: abuse, loss, abandonment rejection (bullying) emotional neglect, maturing too early, or shaming…. and you didn’t have attuned parents who could ho...

These days my inbox is inundated with people telling me how their ex is a narcissist. And I get it, too. I’m married now in a secure bond that’s polarized, but when I was unpacking the sh*t show that was my last relationship I was in, I was surprised to discover that I was in a “trauma bond” and went down the rabbit hole through the Manual that psychiatrists use to diagnose mental disorders and fo...

If you’re a man, or you’re in a relationship with a man, you’re wise to learn about the two fundamental fears every man contends with in relationships. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ P.S. Remember, the end of a trauma bond isn't just an ending; it's the beginning of a journey back to your true self. You’re we...

A participant of my recent 3 hour training on Fawning had a few questions that arose. She’s in a “should I stay or go” situation and has been consuming my content and has now begun her pathway to creating a secure relationship. Here are some more questions: What happens when you try to finally set boundaries, and then get blamed, criticized, and rejected back for it? How do you know if you’re read...

A ruptured attachment can be lethal. In the last 3 years, I’ve had several participants send me DM’s  after they attended one of my events to tell me “ Thank you. I wanted to end my life before this…. this was my last hope. I had already made the plans. I can now let my family know that things are going to be ok.” I get emotional just thinking about it. Last year a good friend of my wife’s growing...

I just had a frustrated commenter (Carol) on my facebook page. She said “I could care less about having a relation shit”.  It’s not worth the BS and the hoop jumping,  and the fact that no one cares about boundaries.  Single is peace.” I just wanted to jump through the inter webs and give her a hug. Too many people these days can relate to this. Relationships are crumbling. Dating these days is sc...

We’ve had over 100,000 people do our attachment-style quiz that helps you determine your attachment style.  Guess what the most common attachment style has been?? Nope, not “avoidant”. Those who identify as “avoidant” will often “avoid" the discomfort  of looking inward and doing the quiz. Not too many avoidants. The answer is “anxious attached”— AKA “ambivalent”. This is experienced as constantly...

 if you have lived a life feeling like you needed to wear a mask  and play a role of “Pleasing others” in order to get your needs met, just know that you’re not alone. “Fawning” is a Trauma response that many  I’ve spoken to didn’t even realize they were doing, because they fawn AS A LIFESTYLE. A personality. Fawning is akin to “people pleasing.” Altering my truth, my expression in front of you be...

I hate this question so much that I decided to create content about it so that forever more, I can keep referring back to it when I’m asked the question: “I’ve tried so many things. How will I know if this will work for me?” First off, I want you to know how much I can empathize with the question. Nobody wants to invest their time and resources into something, and then feel like they are spinning...

 nobody’s talking about this. It’s the least talked about Trauma response,  yet it’s the most common.  You often hear and read content about Fight, Flight, and Freeze trauma responses. These are adaptations we learn in childhood that keep us alive. You’re able to read this piece of content because your Trauma Responses were successful. But there’s one that you don’t hear much of,  because it’s so...

read this only if you’re a parent there’s a way you can virtually GUARANTEE you’ll end up being a sh*tty parent. And it won’t even be intentional. You’ll have all the right intentions for your parenting game. You’ll read the books and articles and watch the youtube videos  about making sure you’re an amazing parent, and that you WON’T make the same mistakes your mother/father did… but if you don’t...

In all the years helping folks healing from Trauma Bonds, I learned two very shocking facts: 1) We are facing an epidemic of people who have exes who they label as “narcissists”. 2) Almost every single person I’ve ever met with who labels their ex as a narcissist,  has massive blind spots that I am able to spot in them. There’s a narcissistic shadow in them they can’t see, or they are denying is t...

SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN A TRAUMA BOND Is your relationship love?  or is it a Trauma Bond. And if it is— what do you do? The answer depends on what kind of a life you want to have. I share the 3 phases of the Trauma Bond  and how to break free if you are choosing to walk the path. Getting this right is the difference between passing  down the trauma to your children… vs being a Cyclebreaker. ________...

This is the topic I get the most hate for talking about. So I’m going to request you pause and reflect before reacting to this. And especially after you watch the video. I’ve been a primary care practitioner for over 20 years now as a Doctor of Chiropractic, helping hundreds if not thousands on their healing journey and I know with certainty what keeps people stuck and NOT healing. The way we resp...

Digestive issues Inflammatory Bowel Auto-immune disorders Chronic Anxiety and Depression What an exhausting merry-go-round with doctors to heal from these. The truth is— an MD can’t do anything to help you with those, besides prescribe medication, and I know you are looking for other answers.  That’s why I am doing this training.  There’s a reason why you’re not healing, and it’s not your fault. A...

what’s your style of arguing during a rupture (aka, conflict)? This is the first thing I want to understand when I’m helping someone in distress stuck in a “should I stay or go” situation.  The love is there,  there’s so much to be grateful for,  there are often kids involved,  but the way people fight is not conducive to a healthy dynamic, and the worst thing about it is when the kids are standin...

Even though you might be successful in your work,  there’s a reason why your relationships can’t seem to get past  the point where you’re now having sex— and then things start to go awry.  The reason is because of a covert addiction many don’t want to acknowledge.  It’s the reason why it’s so easy to get entrapped in love-bombing. And it’s not a substance.  It’s something far more insidious and ad...

 there’s a fear that is likely stopping you from living to your potential. Nope, it’s not the fear of death, either. It’s the fear of being judged critically by others. In my experience working in the world of helping people in their relationship dynamics, going from “should I stay or go” relationships, not resolving this underlying fear is keeping people from executing  on creating the life they...