Trigger Proof Transmissions

If you’re paying attention,  relationship breakdowns will follow a specific pattern. The same conflict.  The same arguments.  The same heartbreak. Whether it’s your marriage, your dating life,  or even the way you show up for your friends,  these breakdowns carry a familiar sting: Feeling like you give too much and get nothing in return. Wondering if you’re "too much" or "not enough." Overthinking...

When you’re in dorsal vagal shutdown, your thoughts turn dark. • “What’s the point?” • “I’ll never get it right.” • “Nobody wants me anyway.” • “I’ll reject myself before they can do it.” It’s a quiet war that nobody sees. You isolate not because you want to— but because it feels safer. Safer to abandon yourself first… before someone else does. Safer to stay numb… than to face the shame, anger, an...

When I first started learning about polarity in relationships,  it sounded like the magic bullet. Masculine. Feminine. Polarity equals attraction, right? Except, what if your relationship feels more like “push-pull” chaos  than magnetic connection? What if you find yourself overthinking every interaction,  walking on eggshells, or pretending to be someone you’re not  just to keep the peace? Here’s...

Imagine this: You’re in a relationship  that feels more like a minefield than a safe space. • You wake up wondering, “What mood will they be in today?” • A single word, a glance,  or even silence sends your nervous system spiraling. • You’re constantly tiptoeing around triggers,  theirs and yours. • Conflict feels unbearable— so you either avoid it or explode,  and both leave you feeling worse. (A...

Women initiate 70% of divorces. After speaking to these women, I discovered 3 reasons why. She’s fed up. She’s tired. She’s feeling alone (even if you’ve been married for decades). I’ve even spoken to women who confessed they were wanting to have an affair. If you’re a successful man who’s a good provider— with a woman who’s bitter, resentful, angry, constantly critical, avoiding intimacy and clos...

Curtis is a good-looking dude. When I see his Instagram videos—shirt off, abs on display— I admit I get a pang of jealousy. My dad bod under this shirt doesn’t compare. But looks only get you so far. Despite having no problem attracting women, Curtis faced one consistent issue: He got friend-zoned. Within months. Like clockwork. He did all the “work.” Facilitated under the great John Demartini. At...

Losing yourself in a relationship doesn’t feel good. This is why our avoidant parts show up:  To protect ourselves from losing ourselves.  I was there--  wanting connection, but not knowing how to connect without losing myself— and being overwhelmed by my partners feelings, and trapped in their moods. That’s when I discovered what “enmeshment" was. Let me paint a picture: • Their mood shifts, and...

Nobody likes facing their shadows. These darker parts of ourselves are buried in a ton of shame. Even though we get into relationships to connect,  love, and build a home that feels safe and secure, without the right healing work, and lack of skills developed, relationships end up feeling like a prison. Their emotions and moods tend to infect yours. You feel not seen, not heard.   Emotions take ov...

Alicia, in tears, was wrestling with feelings of failure over her healing journey.  The setbacks felt overwhelming, like all her progress had crumbled in an instant. She was drowning in self-judgment,  unable to shake the guilt of her anxious attachment resurfacing. She loathed how she seemed to slip back into old habits—ruminating,  jumping to conclusions, criticizing, and clinging to control whe...

This is a note for women who are frustrated with the men they are with (or seem to attract— wondering if all men are “weak”.) Avoidant, weak men. Never in a million years would I have imagined writing an email like this. I’m a retired Chiropractor by training, not a psychotherapist. You can imagine my inner resistance to sharing what I’m about to share: - "Nima, what right do you have in sharing t...

I want to introduce you to Denise. Maybe you can relate to her story. "I am in a relationship that I am unhappy in, my partner doesn't even like me, let alone love me. He is always looking for something else, someone else, someone better, someone who will worship him and tolerate his poor behaviour and disrespect. He makes me feel so small and insignificant. I feel so confused. Do I want to be wit...

Jennifer was unable to have a successful, peaceful, secure romantic relationship  without allowing her anxieties and insecurities to sabotage it and push her partner away. She has an anxious attachment style- constantly needing reassurance,  constantly struggling with feelings of abandonment when her partner needs space and time,  and although she is aware that everyone deserves to feel connection...

Over the past few weeks, I spoke to more than 30 women who identified as successful in work, (Bossbabes, if you will) who "didn’t need a man” to take care of them. Even though they considered themselves independent, many of them tearfully shared with me some of the struggles they were facing in their relationships. What I discovered was a “eureka” moment for them. It was almost as if they were all...

“Dr. Nima, we walk on eggshells with each other. I am so sensitive to the slightest upset that when he is in a bad mood, I don’t know how to fix it. I constantly feel like a failure in this relationship. Can you help?” I just received this email from a subscriber, and it hit on one of the root causes of most toxic, insecure relationship patterns: Self-invalidation. If you grew up with well-meaning...

"Come close to me."  "Get away from me." "I need you." "I need you to leave me alone." "I can’t live without you." "I can’t live like this anymore". These were soundbites from my last relationship. I didn’t know the term “Trauma Bond”  but after being successful in every area of life except the most important (intimate relationship), I decided to do the necessary work to get to the bottom of what...

Sally’s words hit me like a ton of bricks: ‘I wasn’t expecting that.  This is going to take me a while to process. It’s no surprise—she had just completed her Overview Experience (OE)  a few weeks ago, and let me tell you, this isn’t your average Zoom call. OE isn’t just another Saturday evening where you’re partying or sedating from the week.  It’s a 6-hour, heart-pounding, mind-shifting adventur...

If you’ve ever been stuck in the “loop of doom” in a relationship dynamic, you’ll understand this exhausting dance: After the honeymoon phase is finished,  which lasts between up to 6 months to 18 months… you graduate to the next phase of the relationship,  which is called the “power struggle” phase. Here’s what it looks like: You’re effected by their mood. You look to THEM to determine how you’re...

(Name changed to respect privacy and anonymity) (4 minute read). Amy was tired of feeling like a victim. Divorced with children,  running a business,  she was still walking around with a great deal of resentment.  She had done YEARS of therapy,  plant medicines, breathwork,  inner child work…. Even taking courses on learning how  to communicate more in her feminine  so she could one day have a dif...

Hey, it’s time for some real talk. After countless calls with the people who have been consuming my content,  reaching out for help in their current situation, I want to share with you what I wish I could say to them— but usually don’t, because let’s face it, the truth can sting. Here it is:  Consider the possibility that you DON’T want to heal. Of course CONSCIOUSLY you want to. But unconscious p...

Over the past few weeks, I spoke to more than 30 women who identified as successful in work, (Bossbabes, if you will) who "didn’t need a man” to take care of them. Even though they considered themselves independent, many of them tearfully shared with me some of the struggles they were facing in their relationships. What I discovered was a “eureka” moment for them. It was almost as if they were all...

It’s the topic of so many comedy routines: “Not tonight— I have a headache.” Even though people joke about it, the impact of two lovers not sharing the same enthusiasm about sex is very real— to big blow outs in the middle of the night, to sexual shutdown or sexless marriages. On this short 20 minute video, a student of mine, Carissa Kelly and I do a fascinating (and very triggering)role play, dem...

There’s no shortage of complaints about how men show up in relationships. We fear what we don’t understand. Most men don’t understand women. (And most women don’t understand men.) From a very young age, we ALSO get so many mixed messages. Be a man, don’t show emotions It’s not ok to feel angry Your anger is unwarranted (which will turn to rage) Suck it up and "Be a Man” Happy wife, happy life Say...

did you ever wonder why the push-pull dynamic keeps coming up in insecure relationship dynamics? It all makes perfect sense when you study the mechanism. Insecure (and exhausting) push-pull dynamics happen because  we haven’t yet learned how to navigate the two primary attachment fears gone awry: 1) The Fear of Abandonment— being left behind, drifting in a sea of loneliness and despair. 2) The Fea...

Unless you had unicorn parents,  chances are that you follow a combination of two primary insecure attachment styles: Anxious (Ambivalent)— Think of a wave who constantly needs connection. Avoidant (Dismissive)— Think of an “island” who needs space. or a combination of the two (Disorganized AKA “Dismissive avoidant”) The problem with these tests and quizzes is that once people find out their attac...

It isn't normal to know what we want.  It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement.” ― Abraham Maslow I remember it feeling like a panic in my system. I was in a crossroads of my life, wondering what’s next, and when someone asked me what I wanted,  my response was “I have no clue what I want.” (The truth is, I did know-- I was just disconnected) Having made it through the other side with...