Trends in Low Places

First off…we’re very sorry. This week, Mike jumps in a freezer and waits for death. Michael introduces the worst possible dildo experience of all time. It’s our worst episode yet, complete with a Marvel Studios-style post-credits scene. Enjoy? Highlights include: You can’t outdeal the Devil. [1:45] Damn you, Zach Braff. [4:00] Iguana PSA [7:25] Freeze me, beat me, kill me. [14:40] Become one with...

This week, we are back and ready to roll into the new year. Mike and Michael make excuses for their laziness. Mike sees dead people. Michael gets high on catnip. We go for a little dip in Silicon Valley poop-water. Highlights include: Ooh, piece of candy [7:35] Sometimes Swedish dudes just hypnotize me [11:33] Pandacists are not welcome here [22:51] Merry Catmas [27:24] River of Giardia [35:01] Do...

This week, it's our ONE YEAR anniversary, and we look a gift-frog in the mouth. Mike uncovers the hidden truth about aliens and tries to cover the unhidden truth about your cat's butthole. Michael asks not what zombie Jesus can do for you, but what you can do for zombie Jesus. We go deep into the story of one man's very horrible drunken mistake. Highlights include: Luketose Intolerance [3:22] Blin...

This week, we find out what Jesus was hiding in that holiest of holes. Mike warns of the dangers of both confined spaces and horny ghosts. Michael reveals TILP's newest sponsors and Mike shares our possible new theme song. We treat you all to the dulcet tones of The Michaels Ocean. Highlights include: This is My House [01:20] Mr. Dumb, Bad Robot [03:30] Badonkadonk Jesus [11:35] Binge Mode [23:15]...

This week, we unleash an avalanche of pure sexual energy that explodes in a prism of mouth machines. Michael delivers Grim Truths about the Hunger. Mike once again reveals the limits of Christian science education. We learn some hard truths about all of Rudolph’s lady pals. Highlights include: Cush suits up. [3:00] Well, it’s erotica time. [11:45] Flower autopsies. [41:00] Sorry, Reindeer Games. [...

This week, we break off a piece of brain and absorb all of Einstein’s power. Michael invites some stinkpeople into his yard, Mike takes some rich people slummin’ with Tiffany, and everyone learns a thing or two about the Cushing family Christmas. Highlights include: Cover up your heat. [1:45] Dear Prudence, OH GOD NO. Naughty in North Pole [4:00] Gnome for the holidays. [16:00] How the other half...

This week, Mike takes time to nurse a litter of opossum pups before just absolutely ruining Thanksgiving for everyone. Michael finds the best Internet name contest of all time, and everyone takes a moment to praise our new saucy savior. It’s our best yet. Highlights include: Is the patriarchy even worth anything anymore? [2:25] Turkey drop update. [11:00] Here come the Hot Cops. [19:00] Time to pl...

This week, we open the show by forgetting the name of every famous artist. Mike takes a tasty bite of our Lord and Savior, Michael breaks some fake news, and we wonder why David Blaine won’t commit card crimes against ISIS. Highlights include: Someone please make Rush Hour 4. [5:15] The Colonel and His 12 Disciples [10:30] Blake Shelton and his no-good, unsexy balls. [18:10] Bless this holy pork r...

This week, we uncover definitive proof that Donald Trump is not an ancient werewolf and is, in fact, just a dumb old man. Mike armors up for a neighborhood brawl. Michael delves into the Dark Web. We dive right into a pizza orgy. Accidentally in judged. [2:15] You have to tell me if you're a cop. [6:00] Perfect dark web. [10:15] Daylight shut up Time. [18:40] Garfield hates cumdays. [21:15] Home o...

This week, the boys carefully back away from a small dog possessed by Endless Hunger. Mike laments a rift in the world’s most important family, Michael explores innovative toilet options, and we sift through Bin Laden’s movie collection. Highlights include: Go, go Kitchen Gadget [1:30] Mustache things [5:15] Fancy Feast [11:00] Strangerest things. [18:00] Fast 9: Civil War [19:30] Alternative toil...

The boys are back after an unforced error, and we’re back with some greatest hits. Mike wants to crowdfund UFO hunters, Michael takes us to the dumbest doctor’s appointment ever, and we wonder if Donald Trump is actually a rogue AI hellbent on human misery. Nah, probably just an asshole. Ain’t no rule says a dog can’t be mayor [11:25] Hygiene Oopsies [24:00] Angels and UFOwaves [30:00] Melania Lav...

This week, the boys step into the timestream to alter reality in a number of dangerous ways. Mike unveils a new underwear personal defense system, Michael weaponizes Jello, and we pull a Freaky Friday with Kim Jong Un. Welcome to Christian school. [2:00] Two scoops of blown mind. [9:00] I really ain’t afraid of no ghost. [14:00] Dance my way to the top. [18:45] It’s the sound of meme Police. [37:0...

This week, we talk about ghosts in all the wrong places and get a lesson in Juggalo life from a listener. Michael asks how far we’d go for love, Mike gets uncomfortable, and everyone learns a thing or two about the grim specters of death. Highlights include: Haunt me. [5:00] Toilet ghosts. [10:40] Frogshank Redemption. [19:30] Pumpkin spice kayak. [21:40] Fireside chat with Scrubby Josh [25:40] A...

This week, we follow in Twitter’s footsteps and take it to 280. Michael talks about being a young intramural hothead, Mike instigates a new burger war, and we lament the state of the male stripper meat market. Highlights include: Mad pooper updates. [6:15] Flat Earth sobsciety. [9:00] Everybody needs a Higgins. [16:45] Theoretical autumn. [23:00] A packed pocketbook. [28:00] 2 High 2 Walk [33:15]...

This week, we get back to our roots: dongs and poop. Michael provides a helpful PSA about sticking things where they don’t belong, Mike reveals childhood scent trauma, and we uncover Chick-fil-A’s Sunday chicken crimes. Someone gets us to a Swiss toilet, immediately. Highlights include: My milkshake brings hot cops to the yard. [4:00] Weight weight, don’t tell me. [9:15] Jogging logger. [15:30] Po...

This week, love is in the air...and the water, the dirt, and the train station. Michael forms a very deep connection with Mother Earth, Mike gets space insurance, and we celebrate the smartest concert-goer of all time. Seriously though, we laugh at eco-sexuals for a solid 30 minutes. Highlights include: A certified shrub banger. [4:30] Lovebugs and sex witches [14:30] All aboard the love train. [2...

This week, the boys practice their used car sales pitches. Mike worries that clowns may have damaged their brand beyond repair, Michael investigates a very messy date, and now we’re running for mayor, and Hell's coming with us. Highlights include: No. 1 All Star [4:30] Cover my tab? [6:40] Sorry clowns, this is pretty on-brand. [12:45] Peppa Pig’s piss-poor proposal. [16:55] Head Down, Windows Up,...

This week, we fall straight down the Juggalo hole. Michael puts his deductive skills to the test, Cush fights for the only acceptable pumpkins in August, and we find the only good time in a Porta-Potty. Seriously though, we can’t stop talking about Juggalos in this one. Highlights include: A millennial by any other name. [2:25] The Tumnus Disco Experience [6:00] Matchbees 20 [14:00] A Pay-Per-View...

This week, our cup runneth over with delicious conspiracy theories. Michael takes his last rites from the world's dumbest robot, Mike revels in the second coming of our Lord Steven, and the boys finally realize why everyone loves Pitbull so damn much. We finally say what everyone's thinking: "Let's blow up that grumpy old moon of ours." Highlights include: Snowflake boys unite. [3:00] Let's blow u...

This week, we chat a little bit about Charlottesville and segue from those human dildos to actual sex robots. Michael wishes for a brighter Keith Richards timeline. Cush tries to be Cockney, lands in Australia. We air out some hamster crimes. Highlights include: Charlottesville, the ACLU, and human garbage. [2:00] Cush gets a 4:20 education. [9:50] Michael does some tortilla sins. [19:20] Would yo...

This week, we take a break from ruining your childhood favorites to ruin the Bloomin’ Onion. Sorry, they’re Satanic now. Michael invites everyone to a family exorcism, Cush lays plans to become king of Skynet, and we wonder how long it would take us to become jerks in Westworld. THE SAND MYSTERY DEEPENS. Highlights include: Love is dead, and Marvel Studios killed it. [1:05] #AaronsParty starts swi...

This week, we bring a special guest onto the show to explore the Cushing family’s brush with a notorious Florida drug queenpin, Michael’s eyes are opened to the deeply Christian nature of every 90s rock band, and Cush connects the dot on the highly sexual global conspiracy emanating from the Hundred Acre Wood. The horrifying Bezos dog mill. [2:00] These cookies are so good I can’t feel my face. [1...

This week, Michael introduces a brand new fashion craze, Cush calls out the cowards of #DriveByDunkChallenge, and the great Atlanta sand mystery deepens. A raccoon meets a grim end, and we find the weirdest video on the Internet. We did it. Michael gets his giblets checked. [4:20] Let’s just not, HBO. [9:15] Sir, please turn off those headlights. [15:30] They see me (not) rollin’, they hatin’. [26...

This week, the boys throw a grim #AaronsParty, revel in old commercials, and struggle to find sympathy for the skydevil. Mike takes payment technology to the next level, Michael brings your eyes to Flavortown by way of hell, and every listener owes us 1,000 hours of community service. Ha! Gotcha, suckers. The Game of Sheerans [1:15] #AaronsParty takes a dark turn. [3:45] 411, not just for olds. [8...

This week, we explore the Flat Earth civil war and geriatric social media. Michael introduces the world's most devious 10-year-old, Cush gets a hankerin’ for seitan, and we talk about punching kids for the 5th episode in a row. Highlights include: Cush’s fun weekend plans [2:25] #Buttholegate [4:50] ‘Cause we’re all creeeeeps. [14:40] Crisis on Infinite Flat Earths [20:05] Voice-to-Tweet Technolog...