Tough Discussions

In today’s episode, we continue the discussion from last week where we unpacked what happiness is really about. This is not a philosophical or theoretical discussion. As always, we keep it real and practical. You know how it goes. If you don’t understand a problem well enough, you will struggle to find a solution to it. If you’re not aware of your understanding falling short, you’ll convince yours...

The myths about happiness make it all the more elusive. If it was a choice, there would be no unhappy people in this world. Everyone wants to be happy. Unfortunately, if we don’t realise how we may be getting into our own way, we may end up blaming people, society, or even fate for our misfortunes. Watch this episode to get fresh insights that may be exactly what you need to reboot your efforts to...

Focusing on addiction is like focusing on the river that is overflowing without considering where all that excess water is coming from. Was it a dam burst upstream, or was it unexpected downpours? Understanding why something is happening equips us to better deal with the consequences of it happening because most often, we cannot prevent life from happening. That’s why it is so important to underst...

Your self-esteem is not a narrative or internal dialogue that you hold with yourself. That’s just you having a conversation with yourself about yourself. Your self-esteem is a state of being. It is not something you can choose for yourself but rather something that is shaped by the choices that you make for yourself. We make ourselves available to what we believe we are deserving of. Similarly, we...

It's easy to put people in boxes and then blame them for not climbing out of it. But what if that says more about you than it does about them? As always, we challenge the mainstream gobbledygook about mental health because that is the most polite way of me saying that it is a load of hogwash that makes therapists lots of money but does very little to solve real life problems. In this episode of my...

If you think that toxic people are the problem, then there’s a chance that you may be seen as toxic yourself by those around you. It’s not about the label, it’s about the distraction that labelling others causes. Who is justified and who isn’t in defending or accusing or even judging others? If you think it’s your therapist, then what gives them enough insight into who you are, or who your partner...

Most people go through life avoiding negative outcomes while convinced that they’re pursuing positive outcomes. This hidden motive that drives us is what eventually causes burn out and chronic illness. Working to avoid something is infinitely more stressful than working towards something that you’re passionate about. In this radio interview with Nazia Salejie from our local community radio station...

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The absence of critical thinking is what feeds mob mentality, cultist behaviour, and blind following. If we were to evaluate our effectiveness as an Ummah, how would we fare relative to such criticisms? Do we resemble the Ummah of the first three generations of Islam, or do we resemble the circles of ignorance that are destroying humanity? Critical thinking is what makes reflection possible. In th...

The issue of Palestine has dominated current affairs and social commentary for at least 2 years now. However, the carnage continues, and the apathy has not meaningfully shifted from the global population either. I think it’s time to focus on the human factor in a more direct way rather than the emotive themes that have been saturating this side of the conversation. Take a listen and tell me if I’m...

Forgiveness is more than letting go or moving on. Forgiveness is about intent, understanding, purpose, and deep personal reflection rather than fixation on how others may have behaved. If we focus on the right to forgive, we lose sight of whether our perceived offence has merit. Sometimes it’s obvious and easy to identify who is right or wrong. But when it comes to personal relationships, this is...

In this episode of my podcast series, I reflect on the relevance of life’s struggles relative to the mainstream mental health narrative and how that may be misleading us. Everyone wants peace and fulfilment and to feel significant. To feel like they matter. So, if everyone is pursuing the same goals, why is it that we are always counterproductive in our efforts? What I mean is, every one of those...

Narcissism is as much about perception as it is about interpretation. If we’re careless in holding ourselves accountable for the conclusions that we draw from what we observe in others, we may be the narcissists that we accuse them of being. Mindfulness, self-awareness, self-respect, and a desire to consciously claim our dignity in moments of difficulty is what creates opportunity to thrive and ri...

In this two-part interview with Haafidha Rayhaana from Radio Islam community radio station here in South Africa, we break it down in ways that will be sure to give you a fresh perspective on mental health and the so-called disorders. This is not theory or wishful thinking. This is a deep discussion questioning the logic and understanding that we take for granted just because it has become mainstre...

Procrastination, like laziness and even happiness, is a consequence of how we feel about what we are doing, or what we are required to do. If you only focus on how much you’re not getting done, you won’t pause to consider why it is that you have no inclination or reason to prioritise any of it in the first place. What we do in life reflects what we value or what we’re afraid of. Procrastination fa...

In your moments of reflection, are you reflecting on who you are and what shaped you, or are you consumed by what you think others think of you, or your struggles to get them to think kindly of you? Most people don’t see themselves when they look in the mirror. They look at everything that is lacking, everything that is worth celebrating because it makes them popular or attractive, or they look at...

If we need others to receive the love that we want to give we won’t take time to understand how they need to be loved. When we lose sight of that, we’ll end up finding much reason to believe that our love is taken for granted while being totally oblivious to the fact that they may have good reason not to feel seen, let alone loved. As always, we see others only as clearly as we see ourselves. In t...

Without understanding what shaped our character, our nature, or our personality type, we risk going through life surrendering to just being who we are despite how many times we get in our own way. Who we are is a consequence of what we took from the many experiences of our lives since our moments of self-awareness. That took place long before we realised consciously that we were self-aware. Thus,...

Hyper-individuality and selfish gains are so pervasive that we’ve lost sight of how it has created the very lifestyle that now demands a self-care routine. If you don’t like what you see in front of you, you need to consider what your contribution is towards creating that distasteful reality before you go about blaming others for it. Understanding your blind spots and realising the impact that you...

Without realising it, many lose themselves to the daily grind and the short-term needs of emotional fulfilment, while abandoning the longer term goals that bring true fulfilment to life. Instant gratification leaves us chasing for the next hit, while serving a greater vision with conviction gives us purpose in every day. If we achieve today’s goals today, and there is no link between today’s goals...

The secret to healthy relationships lies in understanding the dynamic that is shared, rather than the roles that are being played. Focusing only on rights and responsibilities, or duty and expectation diminishes our connection with the human who shares our life with us, and vice versa. As always, our obliviousness to the impact that we have, both good and bad, is the leading cause of blind spots i...

The greatest blind spot of humans, I believe, is our inability to recognise the impact that we have because we’re so focused on the impact that we want to have. In the process, we not only breach the trust that others place in us, but we also lose sight of how it is that we perceive breaches of trust from them because we don’t account for the impact that we have on them. Recognising the prevalence...

While my approach in this episode has been deliberately light and deliberately exasperated by the insanity of it all, the seriousness of the problematic themes taking hold in the mainstream mental health space cannot be exaggerated. The erroneous belief that our body stores trauma and similar misconceptions that directly conflict with established neuroscience is reckless at best, and criminal at w...

Gratitude is far too often confused with appreciation which is nothing more than an acknowledgement of the blessings that we have. Gratitude goes much deeper than acknowledging what we’re grateful for. Gratitude is reflected in what we do with what we have, and with who we are. It shapes our sense of self, and especially our self-awareness. Connect with gratitude in a more practical and grounding...

Continuing on the theme of accountability for who we are, the fixation on generational trauma or cycles (I prefer to see it as cycles) is yet another indulgence that convinces us that we’re better than those who came before us and therefore know better than them as well. Whether this is true is beside the point. The important point is that if we don’t understand the wisdom or the reason behind wha...