TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

Purchase Daniels Book -  Hard Feelings: Finding the Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Daniel Smith to explore a question most of us never stop to ask: What if the emotions you're trying hardest to get rid of are actually trying to help you? Whether it's jealousy, shame, envy, regret, or...

You messed up. You spiraled. You said something you wish you could take back. And now you feel terrible — which actually means you're doing something right. Feeling bad after a jealous episode is healthy. It means you care. But there's a difference between feeling bad and living there. And if you're someone who stays in the spiral for hours, days, or even weeks after a jealous episo...

You knew you were wrong the second he flipped that phone around. Nothing suspicious. Just a bacon recipe. And somehow you were still annoyed at him. That feeling has a name — and once you understand it, you can’t unsee it. You’ve done the spiral. You built the whole case in your head. And then the truth came out and it was… a bacon recipe. You know you were wrong. They know you were wrong. And som...

You’re Already Living the Worst Case Scenario What if the thing you’re most afraid of happening would actually hurt less than what you’re putting yourself through right now? It sounds hard to believe—but there’s real research behind it.  In this solo episode, Shanenn digs into why the jealous spiral itself is the worst-case scenario—not the thing you’re afraid of. You’re not waiting for the bad th...

You know that voice in your head—the one that takes a missed text or a sideways glance and turns it into a full-blown crisis? That's your What If Machine, and it's been running the show for way too long. In this episode, Shanenn breaks down why your brain defaults to worst-case scenarios, where those fear stories actually come from (spoiler: it's usually not your current partner), a...

We're on YouTube - Join us there. In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn explores one of the most confusing and isolating experiences for anyone who struggles with jealousy: watching a secure person stay completely calm in a situation that would send you into a spiral.   Starting with a vivid poolside story that will feel painfully relatable, Shanenn breaks down why secure people aren’t blind t...

Enroll Today for 30 Days to Different Does your relationship feel… quieter lately?  The butterflies are gone. The texts are shorter. Affection feels different. And now your brain is spiraling: Did they lose interest? Is this my fault? Is the spark gone? In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn breaks down what’s actually happening when the intensity fades in a long-term relationship — especially if y...

🦋. 30 Days to Different is starting soon - ENROLL TODAY Insecurity doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers lies that keep us stuck. In this solo episode, Shanenn unpacks the three most convincing lies insecurity tells you—and why they feel so real even when they’re not. Whether it’s the urge to check their phone, overanalyze tone, or control every detail in your relationship… this episode w...

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a mental loop, replaying conversations, spiraling into insecurity, or feeling something is wrong but you can’t quite name it—this episode is for you. In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn sits down with Annette Furio , founder of Season Journals, to talk about how journaling can help you slow down, make sense of your thoughts, and create space between what you feel and...

In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn breaks down a question so many people quietly struggle with—especially this time of year: Why do I feel calm and trusting with my partner sometimes… and anxious, suspicious, or insecure with them at other times—when nothing has actually changed? As the holidays approach and routines shift, old patterns can resurface. Shanenn explains why these emotional swings...

In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions. If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface. Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility —the ability t...

If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connect...

🦋   Join the experience - enroll in 30 Days to Different today! In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again. Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level...

Schedule your Discovery Call here In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.” The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern. If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if y...

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call In this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry: “If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?” From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it. She reveals why your brain clings to j...

Schedule your FREE 30-Minute Discovery Call here In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships. From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral o...

Schedule your FREE Discovery Call In this solo episode of Top Self , host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different? Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn...

Enroll in the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp starting soon! In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you. We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelm...

In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn breaks down one of the most common communication traps in relationships: expecting your partner to read your mind . Whether you're silently hoping your partner just knows you need a hug—or you're dropping hints that never land—this episode is your guide to getting what you actually need without spiraling, snapping, or shutting down . From attachment...

In this powerful episode of Top Self , Shanenn Bryant delivers something your inner child may have never received: acknowledgment, validation, and the words you needed most.   This episode is a gentle but honest space for anyone who grew up feeling unseen, unprotected, or responsible for everyone else’s emotions. Shanenn talks about how childhood trauma—whether loud or silent—gets stored in the bo...

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call Today In this episode of Top Self , Shanenn gets deeply personal, sharing the origin of the podcast and a powerful realization about the hidden shame many people carry from their childhoods. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide how you grew up—because of addiction, dysfunction, or chaos—this episode is a must-listen. She shares the moment she realized she wasn...

Book your FREE Discovery Call Ever started pulling away just when things got good? If calm, consistent love feels boring—or even threatening—you’re not broken. You’re human. In this episode, Shanenn explores why “safe” love can trigger your nervous system, especially if you grew up in chaos or experienced emotionally unpredictable relationships. You’ll learn: Why peace can feel like a red flag to...

Book Your FREE Discovery Call With Shanenn Watch on my Youtube Channel here In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn welcomes tapping expert Amy Vincze to explore how tapping can help release jealousy, insecurity, and emotional triggers. With over 17 years of experience, Amy shares how she went from skeptic to certified coach—using tapping to navigate personal trauma, anxiety, and even breast cancer r...

Book your FREE Discovery Call to see how I can help. 🎧 In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down the 3 stages of jealousy that sabotage emotional security—and how to work through them. If you’ve ever felt stuck in spirals, constantly checking your partner’s phone, or craving reassurance just to get through the day—this episode is for you. Through her own experience and years of coaching cl...

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn unpacks one of the most misunderstood truths about jealousy: it doesn’t start in your mind—it starts in your body. If you’ve ever told yourself “I’m just going to think positive thoughts” or “I’ll be chill tonight”—only to spiral the moment your partner picks up their phone—then go ahead and hit play now. Shanenn introduces a nervous system-based approach to je...